Quote Originally Posted by PairO'Dice Lost View Post
Sorry for the abrupt change of topic, but I could use some support at the moment. It's been a really bad week.

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Last week, one of my friends from high school (I'm a college senior right now) committed suicide. We weren't extremely close--he was 3 years below me and I met him because he was in my sister's grade, so we kept in touch but didn't chat on a regular basis--but he was one of the happiest people I know and it really came as a shock. The worst part of it was that the news traveled via Facebook, and though our mutual friends and my sister all know that I don't really use Facebook, no one thought to tell me about it until the following weekend, so any chance I had of making plans to head home for the memorial service and such is gone thanks to that delay.

So far as I know, the suicide isn't directly LGBTA*-related, but you're the most supportive people around, so I figured I'd share...and there's sorta kinda an LGBTA* connection for me personally. Like I said, he was one of the happiest people I know. I've been slowly coming out to my friends at college and the reactions have been mostly positive, and I've been thanking my lucky stars that I don't have it as bad as all the kids who have committed suicide due to bullying, rejection, etc., but I've still sort of been in a funk every time I told someone and they didn't react well (which, thankfully, has been rare). I figured I could tough it out, and sure I've been losing sleep and stuff but that's just because of final projects, right? And then out of the blue the person I thought absolutely least likely to even consider suicide does it without any warning--no note, friends didn't see anything coming, nothing--and, well, it's really ****ing depressing, you know?

Like, if he can just snap like that, how do I know I won't go off the deep end? I still haven't come out to my parents (much less mentioned the boyfriend ) and with the stress and anxiety and lack of sleep and everything else I don't know (A) how well I can maintain the façade for the folks between graduation and when I move across the country and don't have to really worry about the fallout and (B) how well I'd be able to take a bad reaction from either or both of them. I mean, I would never ever ever ever consider suicide myself, so far as I consciously believe, as I'm one of those people who'd love to download myself into a robot body and live forever and see the universe, I believe even a sucky life is much better than the alternative, etc. etc. etc., but such is the stuff nightmares are made of.

I've actually already had a nightmare or two: since this friend shares the same first name with my best friend in all the world who's practically a brother to me who's been having some family issues of his own, when my sister called and said "Hey [Dice], did you hear? [First name] committed suicide..." I experienced a few moments of absolute gut-wrenching, heart-stopping terror before she explained the situation, and those few moments came back to haunt me one particularly restless night.

So...yeah. Motivation to finish final projects is shot, haven't slept in two days, feeling depressed, life sucks right now.



EDIT: WHAT THE ***ITY **** ****ING ****!!



HIS FACEBOOK PAGE IS GONE! THE FACEBOOK PAGE WHERE EVERYONE WAS POSTING MEMORIES! THE FACEBOOK PAGE KEEPING EVERYONE UP TO DATE ON THE CEREMONY FOR HIM HAPPENING AT OUR HIGH SCHOOL AFTER GRADUATION! THE FACEBOOK PAGE WHICH, ACCORDING TO MY SISTER, WAS GOING TO STAY UP THROUGH THE CEREMONY TO COLLECT THOSE MEMORIES! GONE IN A ****ING EYEBLINK! ALL THE PICTURES, ALL THE STORIES, VANISHED WITHOUT A TRACE OR A BY-YOUR-LEAVE!

That damn well better have been due to his family deleting it after saving all the info and just not getting the news around, and not because of some glitch or some "well-meaning" employee who saw the news story or some bull**** like that.

NOT COOL, FACEBOOK, NOT ***ING COOL.
My condolences. Suicide is always ****ty. I have been in a similar situation (close friend killed himself out of the blue) so if you need someone to talk to my PM box is open.

Other then that all I can say is I recommend seeking out a grief councilor or a therapist. It may sound silly but it really does help in working out your emotions and mental state.