Heh, the alert was just a minor spoiler for my next Wanderers snippet--there's an Inevitable involved Nothing to do with the one I actually posted.

While this is technically a correct spelling of the word, "smoky" is the standard one. "Smokey" is more frequently a first name than an adjective.

I had been asked down to this place
This just feels like a kind of weird turn of phrase. "Asked to come down" maybe?

Mac, the bartender

a couple of dames that looked none too happy. When they got up and started toward me, I had a feeling I was about to find out why.
I like that you're going for the noir vocab, here. "Looking none too happy" would be more in-tone. Also, "when they got up and started toward me" is unnecessary here; the line is much stronger without it. Since you still need them to have action toward our hard-boiled protagonist, maybe have them glance at him in the sentence before "a couple of dames looking my way and none too pleased."

Missing person. Husband. Swell.

"I'm sure we can work something out," the whore said seductively.
Horst is still narrating this scene. Put some more of his derision into this line; you know he wants to.

"Are you ready for adventure?" the burly man asked. "Let's destroy the evil! For righteousness!"
Ahahaha. Oh, Paladins.

This is a really fun snippet; I hope you've got more of these. This thread needs more noir. One other thought--you've got a lot of "I didn't like the sound of that/where this is going/etc" breaking up the girl's lines--they're so similar that I think you could play with them a little more. It could be really effective to just hammer the phrase two or three times, on lines by itself, without changing it up quite as much:

"He went down to the temple of Mystra a few days ago, but he hasn't come back. Do you know anything about the temple?"

I didn't like the sound of that.

"I can't say that I do," I answered.

Of course I did. It was more of a fortress than a temple, with high walls, iron gates, and guards patrolling the place night and day. I was a man of faith, but not that faith, and I couldn't say that I agreed with Mystra's dealings. I listened to what she had to say, but she knew even less about it than I did.

"Before I agree to help you," I said, "what's the pay?"

"I don't really have much money ..." the dame started to say.

I didn't like the sound of that, either.

"I'm sure we can work something out," the whore said seductively.

"Not with you," I replied stiffly.

"I'll give you whatever money I have," the girl said quickly. "Just please bring my husband home."

"Fine," I muttered. "I'll see what I can do."

"Thank you so much Mr. Faber," the mousy girl said delightedly. "I've already got someone to help you."

I liked the sound of that less than anything else the dame had said. Less still when the two men at the back of the bar waved at me.

"Are you ready for adventure?" the burly man asked. "Let's destroy the evil! For righteousness!"
Obviously that's pretty crude but you get the idea. Just an thought that struck me as I got to the last few lines.

-Act I-
Aww, Doroga's dad is great. I generally picture Shamans a bit more brooding and isolated; this guy feels more like Mufasa. Very good opening; no complaints at all (even if I don't know what race the protagonist is, yet ).

Doroga does show Marcus that new trick he worked out
Context? We don't know what kind of stuff they do; all we know is that Doroga's life is now hugely different. Are they sparring? Street performance? Magic?

Several Hobgoblin Warriors, dressed for battle, lounge around. They stiffen when they see Doroga.
It may be worth noting that this is the first time Hobgoblins are actually mentioned; it's not totally clear until a few lines later that they're friendly (so to speak), or at least aligned in some way with Doroga. At first I thought three hobgoblins had somehow taken over the home and were now lounging around having the humans cater to them or something.

Doroga knows he should intervene, but he feels so...disconnected.
Presumably at the news of his brother's death, which I get, but I'd like to see him react to the news. See him lose focus and stop paying attention to the rush of conversation around him, rather than just hearing "oh he feels disconnected."

-End of Act II-
Again, Dad is great. I would put some single-quotes in the last line of this bit, though, to make the sentence clearer (eg. 'When' really was the correct word.)

The next few...minutes? Feels like hours, but then, it always does. So much happens, so fast.
This does a great job setting the feel of the ambush, but the last bit (bolded) is weak in comparison. I think you could remove it altogether.

There are two too few attackers

-End of Act III-
Great finish; very strong melancholy and resignation throughout the whole ending. At first I was kind of appalled by Doroga's decision, but on my second read-through I sympathized with him much more. I might put a reference in the paragraph where he makes his decision to Marcus himself--the blood on his sword, spattered on his helm, etc--reminding the reader that, friend or no, thirty seconds ago this guy was butchering Doroga's family. I liked this snippet a whole lot--definitely sucks to be Doroga, though.

That was hardly their style.
I think you're communicating "they would never do that" with an air of sarcasm, but it comes across (to me, at least) as more of a "they wouldn't do that... most of the time." "That was never their style" might be clearer.

How will he afford to pay for his daughter's medicine if he's killed here?
I doublt he'll be paying anything at all This might be less jarring as "Who will pay for..." or something of the sort, or perhaps a reference to the fact that he hasn't made any arrangements for paying for and procuring the medicine in the event of his untimely death, and an oath to do so immediately if he makes it out of this alive.

after dropping his weapon accidently in the heat of battle.
Heh. Oh, fumbles.

He tries to say her name, so The Intruders will know. They will help her - he's sure of it.
Besides them being Heroic Adventurers In Need of More Side Quests, how does he know this? He knows (as far as we know) nothing about these guys, except that they're perfectly willing to kill anyone in their way to whatever goal they've got. That said, I actually really like this line (and the callback to "he knows it" just before)--if you hinted somewhere earlier at some noble cause, or even a slightly Good leaning of one of the party members, the line wouldn't clash at all and would actually just be really confortable and kind of sweet.

Overall, I liked this snippet a lot. The Thief is likeable, despite being basically undescribed, and the PCs come off... well, as very typical Adventurers. It's always fun to see the PCs from the perspective of the NPCs they interact with; their crazy self-assured antics and single-minded focus on some unexplained or inane objective. There's more to come, I hope?