Nai Calus:
I am sorry for your loss.
Let me emphasize the last two words: your loss.

What your mother's loss might be, I cannot say. It is likely, as others have pointed out, that her grief might not surface right away, and might not look like grief when it does.

But your loss is what you should concern yourself with. It sounds to me like you feel your feelings are being diminished by your mom's words. You might need to find a place, away from your mom, so you can express your feelings for your grandmother without having to hear someone say, "but we expected it" as if that makes everything okay.

When I need to grieve, I like to go be by the ocean for a while. Maybe you have a place where you like to go. Where might that be? Is there a friend who can take you there, if only for a few hours?

I'd like to hear more about your grandmother, if you would like to share that information here. It sounds to me that this has been a long, difficult process for your family, and for you.


Warkitty:

Wow ... feminist ethics! I am impressed: both at the subject and at your guts in undertaking that subject as the sole woman in class.

I get your point with the link. As a woman, and a writer, I have dealt with this myself. I don't have answers, but I do have tactics.

Every writer has an internal audience. When one is a student, part of the audience in the mind is occupied by the people who grade us, and our classmates who judge us. This is not necessarily a useful audience to have.

In your case, allowing these people into your internal audience is detrimental, because they are a critical audience. Even if in real life they might be more sympathetic than you think, this is not relevant because they have become the embodiment of your writer's block.

Last winter I had to write a paper for someone I will call Dr Mean. Dr Mean gave cruel feedback, and I found myself not only unable to write, but wondering why I was in the program. But then I realized my professor from the previous semester, Dr Worthy, had been encouraging. I went and dug out all my papers for her class and re-read them, along with her comments.

Then I returned to my essay for Dr Mean's class .... and I pretended I was writing for Dr Worthy. Whenever I wondered what Dr Mean would think, I redirected my thoughts to Dr Worthy. I imagined her smile, her serious look when I asked a question, her tone of voice. I had imaginary conversations with her about the paper whever I got stuck. Having an "audience" I respected and felt respected me made a huge difference. It was not easy to write that paper ... but imagining a positive and supportive audience (embodied by Dr Worthy)made it possible.

And I got an "A".

I don't know if this will work for you, but it can't hurt to try.


I will add that your topic is worthy and important.


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