Hey there, there's something I'd like to discuss about the LGBT "community" in general.
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A couple weeks ago, BF and I met with his aunt (who is a transwoman who's started transitioning not too long ago; I'll refer to her as A from now on).
We ended up talking about the LGBT community. Turns out that A tried to get in contact with the city's group, but it went rather badly, and when she invited another transwoman from that group in her home, it went even worse (mainly because that woman went TMI within 2 minutes of knowing each other without being invited to do so).
So, now, A is more or less actively avoiding the community. She just wants to live her life. (No criticism at all, just an observation.)
BF does mostly the same. I'm aware he's on a FtM dedicated forum, but that's mostly to get and share practical advice, and I only know it because he gave me the address. Many of our friends are LGBT, but we met them because of common interests THEN learnt they were LGBT, or through other LGBT friends who might be more in touch with the comm IRL than we do. So, he's not really involved at all either (keeping in mind he's not just trans but bi; still no criticism about involvement or lack thereof).
And here I stand, semi-actively documenting myself and staying in LGBT threads (okay, just this one actually, the parts of the Internet I frequent that happen to have been taken over by radicals don't count). I'm, IMHO, more aware than the average person, but I still look out to educate myself even better. Not sure I'm doing anything that makes a difference, pretty sure I'm not, but I want change.
And I'm kinda sorta an ally, or at least many people would agree I'm not queer enough to ride. (But that's not exactly the point I'm wishing to discuss, because I've accepted that what group I'm supposed to belong to is not what matters, but what I do, and so far I don't think I've done anything bad to people in that aspect.)
So, in light of this, I find I'm in a strange position. In retrospect, I wonder why I'm getting so involved when I don't specifically belong. At which point you're a bad person for not getting involved about an issue - and which issues - and at which point you're bad for getting too involved in something that's not your business - and therefore how much is my business. If I had the right reasons for seeking this comm, or not (given I came because I wanted to educate myself among people who weren't aggressively radicals, and LGBT people tend to have more insight about LGBT issues than, you know, straight cis people*).
At least I know I have the right reasons for staying: you're all great people, I'm glad to help you when I can, and I like to think the advice or comfort I provide can be useful sometimes.
One big thing I've learnt here is that the LGBT "community" - or most communities really - is not actually a monolithic community at all (let me add this is a lesson I've learnt about communities in general, and not just this one). It's mostly just a bunch of people who have one thing in common, but it's not enough to ensure they'll get along. They might want very different things, or they might want to reach the same goal with opposite and contradictory means. And it's very hard to tell who's right. If we could do so, we would have found the ultimate anti-bigotry weapon ages ago.
It's more like there are many smaller LGBT communities, whose members sometimes never really meet at all, because, paradoxically, the one other thing they have in common is they believe they should never have to meet at all. Like, let's say, I'm technically part of the Belgian community here in France but I'd be hard-pressed to find a Belgian here and have no interest to look for one in particular, even though I'm not rejecting my nationality and culture either.
So, what's the underlying interrogation here, you may ask if you've been crazy enough to read the whole wall of text? I'd say it is "Is getting involved in a LGBT comm important for you, and why?". I suppose it might make more sense for allies to answer that one, but I'll welcome all opinions.
*Also about feminist issues, but I'm the sort of person who considers LGBT and feminist issues to be intertwined to an important degree, what with the sex-shaming and body policing etc.