D&D Snippets II: The Snippetting

[PaperMustache]

@Mebecronc Don't get discouraged. Herein lies your massive tense correction EXTRAVAGANZA!

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This is the first time it was out of sight, and now all she sees is water in all directions.

*is

She felt like she couldn't fly any further. She needed a place to rest and use her healing power to refresh her muscles.

*feels
*can't
*needs

She thought about just landing in the water and resting, but that could just as dangerous in the open ocean.

*thinks, although it might flow better if you say she "considers just landing in the water..." rather than "thinks about."

It wasn't the mainland and she knew it. As she flew in she could tell that it is an island. An island far bigger than the one she grew up in, but an island none the less.

*isn't
*knows
*flies
*can

'Land,' she thought, 'I almost can't believe it.' Seeing land brought her renewed vigor. She made straight for it like an arrow just let loose from the bow. She found a nice flat spot to land and collapsed to the ground.

*thinks
*brings
*makes
*finds
*collapses

"Oh, thank you Land." She said laying face down, moving her hands across the dirt as if trying to hug it.

*says

It wasn't the mainland, though, and she knew it. As she flew in she could tell that it is an island. An island far bigger than the one she grew up in, but an island none the less. Where she landed had rocky outcroppings on the shore side and dense vegetation inland. The midday Sun was beating heavily on her. She would raise her wings to increase the shade, but they are too sore to move. That burst of adrenaline has worn off and now she just feels the crash of exhaustion.

*Okay, this first line isn't technically incorrect I don't think because it's referring to the relative past, but it is awkward. Perhaps try, "Surrounding her is..." or "She finds herself in a place that has..."
*is

She chuckled to herself, feeling very silly in hindsight.

*chuckles

"There is no way I'm selling this ring, dad!" Jessica shouted, caught up in the memory. She hesitated for a moment. Her Father has the power to remotely view other locations, and he regularly checks in on her. Not from a lack of trust, but just because he worries. If he was listening in at this moment he might respond. When no answer came she let out a sigh of relief.

*shouts
*hesitates
*is
*comes
*lets

When she wears the ring it would make her wings seem to disappear.

*will

For some reason, this vow had more impact this time.

*has

@Arkhosia Thank you!