At the risk of sounding as though I'm complaining or making excuses, I'll add this.
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I got it across to him last night that I am unhappy and don't want to be with him. I have told him this before but he just assumes I'm only saying it as a heat of the moment thing, I didn't back down this time and told him exactly how I felt and what I think of him. I said if nothing else, the one thing I would want him to stop is to stop assuming the worst of me- like when I tell him I feel one way (tired, sick, whatever) for him to not just doubt me and say I'm really just angry or such. He said he would accept that and work on everything else, but Im so far past believing that just because he said he will, he actually will.

I'll start looking into my options on what I can do, and in the meantime..well I don't know. Just keep my distance? I feel like that might just desolve into me going again 'I'll give him one more chance' over and over. I will try not.

I have the problem that whenever I think of if I should leave him, I wonder whats the point and where do I go then? My family weren't particularly the best people, in fact they were abusive towards me too- not only was there the same attack on my self esteem, but there was also the way they would treat me with depriving me of food and water for 1-2 days at a time regularly, pushing me out the door and locking it behind me because they wanted time alone, refusing to get me medical help for injuries and such that I still have problems with now years later. I think I happen to fall into these abusive relationships because it's all I know, and I'm used to being in a situation where I was taught to pretty much just shut up and accept it. I don't have many friends anymore, the majority of them moved across country or just fell out of contact thanks to me not being able to go out and see people more than maybe once a year.

I feel very uncomfortable typing any of this, or getting help from anyone, because again, even though it's something I know I'm wrong about, it's just ingrained in me not to talk about these things because it just bothers everyone else, I'm supposed to just smile and say 'I'm fine, how are you' and otherwise not talk to anyone about anything.