Quote Originally Posted by Sajiri View Post
...My family weren't particularly the best people, in fact they were abusive towards me too- not only was there the same attack on my self esteem,...I don't have many friends anymore, the majority of them moved across country or just fell out of contact thanks to me not being able to go out and see people more than maybe once a year.

I feel very uncomfortable typing any of this, or getting help from anyone, because again, even though it's something I know I'm wrong about, it's just ingrained in me not to talk about these things because it just bothers everyone else, I'm supposed to just smile and say 'I'm fine, how are you' and otherwise not talk to anyone about anything.[/SPOILER]
Two things.
One: You knew when you wrote these messages to us what are reaction would be. That's fine - It's okay to vent and it's perfectly natural to want to hear that's it is okay to leave him from an outside source when your confidence in your own decision making has been attacked maimed and abused for years. But here is the thing you have already asked for help and it has produced a response of support and caring. Call that a test run-I'd think a successful one. Now onto point two

Two: There are people and places that help in type of situation. Some volunteer some professional. It doesn't bother them. Like many people finding out it happens to people who they like and care about who didn't talk about bothers them more than hearing about it. Not all of them are live in shelters-lots are support groups and legal advice. Many are also people who will help you reconnect to life outside that which he controls. Good friends can be surprisingly open to somebody coming out of their shell and trying to reengage, but you won't know unless you try.

finally you need to leave him. we can see that. But more importantly you know that. Support is out there-and on here. Just by putting it out on the web in a semi-anon forum posting you are taking that first step to trying to put your life together. Now just keep going.

G'luck and PM if you need to chat