2013-10-01, 11:23 AM (ISO 8601)
Bugbear in the Playground
Re: More Funny D&D Stories
At one point in time, I played and incubus named Argon. He couldn't hit anything, wore no armor or magic items (except a ring of mind shielding so people couldn't tell his alignment). I maxed out his ranks in Bluff so his seduce checks were always ridiculous and spammed his unlimited uses of Suggestion. Whenever the party would meet an enemy group, he would Detect Thoughts to find the ones who found his current form attractive and start wooing them, thus destroying the party cohesion of the other group (and leading to more than a few half-fiend children).
My wife, as DM, finally got frustrated at me breaking down every group she threw at us so she decided to set up an encounter (not a fight, just a run in) with a Great Wyrm Black Dragon Avatar of Faluzure (CR OMG). Untouchable spell resistance, impenetrable natural armor, unstoppable physical attacks and irrisistable magical abilities.
The rest of the group immediately realizes we are not supposed to beat this thing and that it is probably my fault. However, I wouldn't be in character if I just let it go so I did what I always do, which turned out something like this:
DM: OK, the dragon is angry that you have disturbed it but will let you go free with the proper tribute and apology.
Argon: Ok, how's this for an apology? *transforms into a female drow* I could also...stand in...as a tribute if you'd like... *rolls a seduce check, natural 20, total is a 43*
DM: Really? You're trying to seduce the dragon?
Me: Yep, it's worth a shot...so to speak lol
DM: Ok... *rolls Sense Motive, natural 1, total is 41* I don't believe this....
*entire party ROFLs*
DM: *sigh* The dragon turns into a male drow and smiles a toothy smile as he draws you into the trees.
DM: It's a good thing the reproduction rates for dragons are really low.
Me: Actually, as an Outsider I determine whether or not a child is concieved from any union I may have. I determine that the greatest thing I could do in this instance is stay in this form and birth the child.
DM: *looks up table in Book of Erotic Fantasy* You know what? Ok, but I am retiring your character as of now.
We all got a good laugh out of it but I am not allowed to play Argon in any campaign my wife is running. We later determined that the child would be a female Drow Half-Dragon Half-Fiend named Onyx.