Tactical Question - Haley

[Aard_Rinn]

I gotta say, one thing I think needs to be taken into account too is that this is the internet, and people on the internet can be butthats. I mean, I am, IRL, super-friendly. Even here, on this forum, I try to be nice, same with the Reaper forums and any other community forums. You find me in some of the other areas of the 'net? Hell, if your first encounter with me was on 4chan or Minecraft, you'd think my real name was Sir Douchington McKittenshiv.

See, the difference is this: I know how to modulate my butthattery. I understand that there are places I can make sexist/homophobic/slut-shaming/racist jokes, and I won't hurt anyone's feelings, and I won't have my feelings hurt when they make those jokes back because that's just where I am and what the culture's like. The problem comes when people forget that that's not the norm, when they come into nice areas like this and butt it up, and then you do risk hurting people - that's not right.

But to say that jokes like that have no place seems harsh to me, too. Some of the communities I'm in online are so vitriolic, so poisonous, that yeah, if you don't expect it, you'll get hurt. But that doesn't mean we're wrong for making those sorts of jokes, amongst ourselves, with no intent to hurt anyone - it means that you should stay out of those areas! But by the same token, jokes like that shouldn't be brought into safe environments like this one - we have no right to pee in this pool, just like you shouldn't dive into our (slightly yellower) one and then whine about the faint smell of ammonia.

At the end of the day, people who make offensive jokes (like this one) are like that kid in science class who starts talking over the teacher - they just don't understand the social restrictions normal people deal with enough to self-moderate their behavior. They make a lot of noise, sometimes, but in the end, sometimes we raise our voices even louder trying to shut them up - and in the end, it's pointless: people who can understand already do, and the people who don't won't be made to understand their inappropriateness by us. In the end, we're talking to two walls - the people who agree with us, and the people who's opinions we won't change, and we should keep that in mind; that's not to say we can't have constructive talks, but we shouldn't obsess over changing minds and attitudes, either. Fortunately, most of the people I know online who make offensive comments like this are well-adjusted people IRL who let themselves slip online; for some, it's cathartic, for others, a chance to ignore social norms... But I doubt that many of the people we get worked up over online are actually terrible homophobes/racists/sexists IRL.

And fortunately, at the end of the day, the mods, like the teachers with the loud kid in science, will sweep in and tell us to sit down and shut up. That's the great thing about a good forum like this! :D