More Funny D&D Stories

[Darkon47]

This thread got me to sign up so I could relate some stories to you good folk.

Spoiler

Show

About a year ago now I played in a game with a much lower level of average optimization than I am used to, I was one of the most experienced players of the group, and so as not to break the game, I decided to optimize for silly after DM permission. I ended up with a Spellscale Dragon-bloodline warlock, using a rework from here on the forums. The character was decidedly insane (mentally) and had something along the lines of a +30 on bluff, but a -4 on sense motive. This character introduced themselves as magic, being both a spellscale and a warlock, it was pretty close to true as well, and after the first night at the bar, EVERYONE was believing it, including the character themselves. The party had just been hired to try and catch the pixies that were raiding the taverns supply of signature ale - The Orc Swill. Slightly drowsy Magic takes a bit of the swill before climbing up onto the ceiling for their watch (24hr spiderwalk is nice). A bit later and now completely wasted Magic heads out of the back room and into the main area of the tavern, and the barkeep who hired us is now oddly missing. A wasted regular calls out to Magic, who is currently behind the bar, asking "hey Tim, you look different, you get a haircut or something? also, can I get another?". Magic, being as completely wasted as they are gets the regular a beer, and replies with "just lost a bit of weight is all" and rolls a bluff check to convince the patron that they are infact Tim, succeeding massively with something above a 40. However, the DM says that because of how drunk Magic currently is, they should roll a sense motive against their own lie, albeit with a +20. It is a 1. Magic is now certain that they are in fact Tim, while also being Magic. The real Tim gets back in a few hours and asks what Magic was doing back there. Instead of leaving or doing anything of the sort, Magic proceeds to get defensive, claiming that this is their bar, and there is no reason they shouldn't be back there. One successful bluff later and the real Tim thinks that he is in fact an imposter, and Magic is the real owner of the bar, and the real Tim.

Player name in this one changed for confidentiality.

Spoiler

Show

This story is of one epic campaign that I ran which lasted several years, going for about 6 hours a night, nearly every Friday night. The campaign was supposed to be a three parter, played by a good party in the first part, an evil party in the second, and after a fight for the two out of three MacGuffins that they had obtained in their respective parts, the victorious party in the third. The first part involved obtaining the crystallized essence of an overdeity, after a lot of shenanigans in the main city they encountered, where everyone was revived upon death at the end of the day, and human was in fact, the core ingredient of the local cuisine (This is the GOOD side!) the party had finalized on a roguish archer, the hivemind obsessed werewolf, The clericzilla of Jozan - Isus, and the linguist wizard who cast using the words of power system. At some point in the dungeon,the wizard was struck with temporary insanity, and before the party had the good sense to gag him, it was rolled that he would babble in a random language. As every linguist wizard should, he knew every language named in the books and still had several left over, so he had been given the ability to learn both Dark speech and True Speech, though he could not speak them normally. It was decided that the language was going to be rolled, with a weighting against dark or true speech. he ended up babbling in dark speech, and was randomly determined to create a hivemind. He was allowed to chose the type, and he chose moon rats, a type of rat from one of the monster manuals which is a normal rat during the new moon, but becomes smarter than an average human during the full moon. They can also induct other rats into becoming moon rats if the moon is full. After checking my lunar chart for the werewolf, I determined that the moon was currently new, and so could affect the currently normal moon rats. The rest of the campaign proceeded mostly fine, and we proceeded onto the second part without major incident.

The second part also proceeded mostly without incident, although the player of the wizard had left our group due to real life concerns, and another player had joined us. After a TPK or two before even entering the dungeon due to the party doing extremely stupid things (One does not attack a city known to be under the protection of a deity, and then use a fear effect on the Threat Assessment official and expect to survive), the final party managed to make it through the second part by the skin of their teeth. They take the MacGuffin and proceed to head out of the dungeon. It is at this point that the scheduled apocalypse begins to occur. Each of the MacGuffins is the essence of the god whose body makes up the continent that they are on, and with the essence of the Serpent, source of magic, having been taken, magic started to go haywire in that region. In an effort to prevent this from happening to the dragon god IO, reigns of dragons began to descend upon the other continents in an effort to hunt down any and all adventurers. The evil party attempts to teleport away, but due to the current mess, cant actually choose their target, and so rolls it randomly. using 2d100 for the coordinates, and no fudging of the dice or the map, they teleport almost exactly to the center of the main city of the first part, one day before the next full moon. I had been doing the math for the hivemind behind the scenes for a while, and last full moon the hive mind had just managed to finish inducting the rest of the cities rats. The next day the hivemind awoke, with the full force of a hivemind of over 100,000 moon rats. I had given the party a couple of options to eliminate the rat swarm before it was too late, but they had never taken the option. It was at this point that the swarm, which had an effective sorcerer level of about 2,000 decided to counter the draconic apocalypse with their own. After calming down from hysterical laughter, one of the players decided to call the wizard. He put on as straight a face as he could, and called the wizard. "John you Bastard. You've Killed us all" He says menacingly into the phone, before anything else. That campaign ended that night, in a way none of us could have predicted, and that all of us thought was hysterical.

I have many more, but those are tales for another day. For those of you who read them, thank you for your time, and for those of you who enjoyed them and are okay with online games, send me a PM, I might have a game you could join.

Edit: Formatting