Rule #1: The DM always lies.

Corollary to Rule #1: Because the DM always lies, Rule #1 is a lie. Therefore, sometimes the DM tells the truth.

Rule #2: You may not kill another player's character. That right belongs to the DM.

Rule #3: The DM reserves the right to, at any time, cause a drunken wizard to stumble out of a nearby tavern and cast Silence upon your character, if he feels this is in the best interests of the party. This is true even in situations where a nearby tavern makes no logical sense whatsoever: e.g., in the middle of an enchanted forest, while locked in the BBEG's dungeons, or while at the court of a noble king.

Rule #4: If you can create a character which can kill a deity at level Ten, that is excellent for you. I ask that you leave it at home, so that I can actually challenge you.

Rule #5: I like to give characters awesome things specific to the character. If you complain that another player has something awesome which does not exist in the rules, I will take this as a statement that you do not want yours.

Rule #6: I accept bribes in the form of delicious food items, valuable military secrets, and of course puppies.