Naruto IX: [Epilogue Intensifies]

[Aotrs Commander]

Bleakbane Catches Up With Naruto

Demon Desert Survival

The second round begins, and immedaitely, Team Guy run into the Sand team of Shira, a pure Taijutsu -user who blocked Lee's leaf hurricane during the mess-room brawl last episode. Shira, who is apparently good enough to have been giving Gaara lessons despite being a genin (and who is extremely loyal to Gaara), had sized up Team Guy and tried to get the Sand Teams to co-ordinate so that his team could engage Team Guy. Shira, to repay Gaara for giving him a chance (presumably, from end of episode, for letting him be a ninja despite Being A Lee), wants get as many Sand Teams to pass as possible. (So, remembering Chunin are leaders, also off to a good start.) They genjutsu Team Guy from the start with pre-planted cactus pollen (ninja being ninja, using the advantage of how to spike the terrain before the exam is perfectly fine). Lee is actually the first one to twig, because he'd been randomly throwing kunai into rocks as they passed, and realised they've been going in a circle.

Shiri's first teammate is Yome was noticable before in the crowd shows for looking... Well, sot of chibi/kawaii in style, like a little girl with huge eyes. Apparently, this is because he has eyes like a frickin' gekko or something (which means it's not really an odd art choice, she must actually look like the lass in Battle Angel Elita's live action version) and it seems her range and acuity gives byankugan a good run for its money. She spots Team Guy and warns off the nearest sand team - but Shira still only just barely arrives even so to stop Team Guy kicking their arses, blocking (!) Neji's Eight Trigrams Sixty-Four palms. Lee, because he is an idiot, wants to fight the dude, but Shira, at least remembers this is an exam, and this is not the the time and place and that he was hear to get them out of the way, not brawl with Lee.

(Seriously, Lee, you dumbass, asks him for a spar after the exams or something; it's not like you're not allied or something and I bet Gaara would be delighted to arrange it.)

Shira's ninjutsu teammate Sen, another lass, though, neatly sends Team Giuy of into a sand waterfall and off down into a giant sand pit.

Shira's team links up with two other Sand Teams (now designated Band Sand Team One and Two), who are this arc's desginated Complete Morons. They decide to try and team Shira and co out, because they don't like him (he's newly a shinobi and has Gaara's favour and it is strongly implied these guys are anti-Gaara faction). With his teammates dealt with in short order (Sen is disarmed, Yome kicks all sorts of arse until she gets flashbanged), Shira takes a coule of kunai fired from one of the other team's bow (?) and the the other team tries to kill them.

Surprise Team Guy for the Rescue! (This is apparently a Thing now...) As the second Bad Sand team legs it, the first Bad Sand Team cuts out and runs as well. Shira asks why they helped, and Neji says they don't like picking on weaker teams or something (dude, at the start of the episode that was your exact plan! You guys just don't like people being ganged up on, admit it!) Sen, at least, is clearly grudingly impressed - Neji is awesome, after all. Actually Shira himself is a bit flabberghasted, actually.

She asks how they hell they got out of the giant sand waterfall pit and Tenten is like "no big," and we see a flashback of her... Unsealing a fracking giant ladder.

Bahahahahahahahahaha! Tenten, you are the best. I mean, just... Who even makes a hundred-foot ladder? Frack knows, but Tenten just keeps one sealed away for giant hole emergancies or something. Class.

I'm sorry, that was by far the most impressive display this episode.

As a Taijutsu User

We get Shira's Tragic Backstory (TM) - which is sufficently A Bit Like Lee's enough to send Lee off alone, in pursuit of both Sand Teams to beat the crap out of them for not acknowledging Shira's hard work, because Lee is an idiot. (See also: Rock Lee's Ninja Pals.)

(I mean, Shira's backstory is quite impressive, since apparently the guy had no formal training, so quite how he got that good without having the villager's taijutsu master teaching him is a bit of a strech, but whatever.)

We also learn that Sen and Yome apparently played with Temari as children, which places them in age (and apparently they've been friends since then, too; also nice to put a name to some of Temari's friends for the first time, as they Sand sibs do have a life outside of their interactions with the Leaf!)

Lee finds the Sand ninja left explsove tags that create a massive cravasse... So he just gates out and leaps over.

The sand team promptly trap Lee in a genjutsu, and Neji has to dig his arse out, and he and Tenten berate him, before they start duffing up both teams.

(Lee asks how they crossed the chasm and Tenten is like "if you can do it, why would you think we can't?" I mean duh, they probably just USED THE LADDER again, idiot!)

Before Lee can put the final smack-down, Shira begs him to stop, saying is doesn't matter that they disrepcted him, because its his fault and... Proceeds to talk a lot of nonsense that Lee just laps up (and "lucky" Shira Lee hes enough eternal rivals, else he'd just have made himself one) and Shira tries to give his scroll to First Bad Sand Team. The upshot of which is the other Teams refuse, and give them their scrolls and say they gonna get scrolls from other teams.

And, with sad inevitability (and Tentan's exasperation and Neji's wry acceptance (he's come such a long way himself) Lee, despite this being an exam on short time limit, insists on fighting Shira.

(Gotta say Lee, honestly... As funny as you are in your idoicy... I'mma not very conviced you're showing chunin material now. Combat skill is great, but when you say stupid things like accuse the enemy ninja of cheating by not fighting you with taijutsu and rushing off headlong... Bot showing leadership material, dude.)

The Ultimate

And this episode was largely just silly.

Lee and Shira's fight might have been alright, if not for the fact that the silliness of Shira being as good as Lee but entirely self taught goes into overdrive here, with Shira first managing to block Lee's chakra points stopping him from going into the Eight Gates (was, is he Neji now? Yes, I know nerve strikes aren't exlcuively Hyuga, but even so) and then makes his attacks soundless because he's using his chakra to feather the air like owl's wings.

No. No, that is just stupid.

Still, we get a flashback that shows Guy isn't as daft as he looks (I mean, he can't be) as he showed his genin about controlling your enemies moves so you could predict where they were going to strike. Which means Lee needs to have to think (sorta) to win this fight.

Scary.

Lee starts winning again.

I thought the crowning glory would be when Shira unblocks Lee to have a proper battle and uses a magic breathing technqiue that he made up himsellf that is on a par with the Eiuht Gates. And suddenly, this really cool arc is bad fanfiction. Lee ends up going five gates an landing a leaf hurricane that kcisk Shira fracking miles and re-opens those kunai wounds fro before, ending the fight. Shira thanks Lee (they've been going on - and so has Neji, who is just as bad as Lee, just more circumspect about it) about hard work and blahblahblah). Lee reaches down the fron of his spandex and pulls out.. . Another suit, which he offers to Shira.

I...

What.

HOW?

WHY?

Tenten's expression is a masterwork here, and I can only assume if I had a face it would have been making the exact same one.

Shira accepts - I... WHY? - but says this was his last fight, because after these exams, he's going to go up north to join a platoon in very harsh conditions that never leaves his post and he'll be near his sick parents and he'll never see them again. Also, Sen says that Yome is going with him because apparently Yome has a massive crush on him (cue embarrassed hijinks), but takes this apparently revelation she'll never see her childhood friends again in stride.

...

WHAT.

I mean... Pahahahahahaha! This is so bad fanfic, it's unbeliveable. Hell, it's so utterly ridiculous, I'm not sure it isn't an actual parody. (Of, y'know, Poochie.) Super-awesome Mary-Sue ninja somewhat beyond Lee's level given he is nearly at his level without training from the best taijutsu master the Leaf has to offer (and only a couple of years on Lee) and he is going back to his home planet. I mean, I am reminded of the crack DBZA made at the end of one of the abridged movies "and we will never speak of this again!" With his little girlfriend. Nevermind that the idea of a unit permentantly on station is patently ludicrous and with the Forth Ninja War no doubt making a mockery of this (and they wrote this righ in the middle of it, so the writers know about it)... Ot that he's Gaara's personal taijutsu trainer and just generally far too valuable to waste on a dead-end post.

Yeah, this was a fairly silly trio of episodes that is only just barely to serious for being Rock Lee's Ninja Pals. Barely.

Meanwhile though, we close out with news being brought to Gaara that the Waterfall sent two jonin instead of genin (seriously, how did they expect to get away with this). Gaara uses an even better version of his sand eye to immediately spy on the team. And finds them looking fo Fu. Who suddenly appears in Gaar's line of sight and curiously pokes the sand eye with a twig making it poof. She seems disappointed. (She is... She is just fricking Pinkie Pie, she really is.)

Gaara meanwhile, now twigs she's a jinchuriki. (Why bother to hide this from us, though, we KNOW!)



Next time, Team Eight, and hopefully a return to more like form like the start of this arc.



(Apologies for the no doubt many typos, but it is just a bit too late for me to have the energy to do my usual double check, I'll probably fix them in the morning!) Edit: fixed.