Naruto IX: [Epilogue Intensifies]

[Aotrs Commander]

Dang, out of She-Ra.

Time to return to...

Bleakbane Catches Up With Naruto

Escape vs. Pursuit

In which Team Eight gets their arsed complete embarrased by an edgy kid, a pillock with riduculous hair and flagpole and a morbidly obese guy. (I mean, there's no putting that lightly, the guy - as noted before - makes Chouji look like Ino - if Ino became a particularly skinny Lich. He's like, a couple of meals away from the Blob.)

His attacks are gross too, actually spinning his flab and hawking up a delibitating gas constructed from his own body odour. Ewwwwww.

Kiba manages to competely embarrass himself this episode, with his desparate urge too prove he's better than Naruto (it's... actually rather sad now) and the rampant stupidity of demanding the enemy stand and fight after they sucker Team Eight and grab their scroll off him.

Kiba, you dumbass - YOU'RE A NINJA! Freaking cheating ninja, man(beast)! Don't moan the enemy is cheating - CHEAT HARDER!

*sigh*

I feel a bit sorry, really, this and Kiba's performance at the last major battle is making him look like a really insecure idiot and, much as I'm lukewarm to Kiba out of all the main cast - you're better than that, dude.

Unwavering Gutsiness

And things immediately go souith, because the fat guys uses... his... sweat... to conceal his team's scent. I re-iterate: ewwwwwwwwwwww! Grossssse!

Even Shino's bugs fail, causing Kiba to have heoric bluescreen of death moment, where he unwillingly remembers desparately trying to one-up Naruto.

And, see, this is what I mean about Kiba being better than this. He's actually learned Shadow Clone, apparently all on his lonesome, just by watching Naruto. He isn't good with it, no, but still - that's kind of badass. And so is managing his three-headed wolf jutsu the FIRST TIME. Sure, he only held it for a few seconds, but dude... That's still impressive.

So he insists that they keep on going because that's what Naruto would do, not, wait he means what he will do (and of course Hinata and Shino are "yes, that's what Naruto would do!")

Kiba, actually showing some intelligence for the first time this arc (I mean, come on, he has to, he made chunin, for frack's sake) realises they don't need to track them, just figure out where they're going, just what route to the destination, because there's not that many ways through all the hazards. So off the run, and soon enough Kiba has their scent.

The fat bloke smells them coming (of course he does) and then scatters his sweat around because this is disgusting.

Then, while Kiba realises that they're screwed AGAIN, the other team attacks an Kiba is repeatedly bounced on by the fat bloke. Which, to quote Earthworm Jim, looks to only painful, but remarkable unplesant. Kiba spots something though, and the team fool the other into thinking they're dead with insect clones, and then sneak up on them shorty using a shell of insects - tracking them by the scent of grass stained on Kiba's sleave that fat dude got on him while his was bouncing. (Kiba, of course, like a twallock, explains this to the enemy isntead of, y'know pummelling them...)

But this time, there is a Beat-Down, with Shino... Actually, I'm pretty sure the explosve internal giant beetles exploding out of the summon frickin' killed it (didn't unsummon...) an' they kick the other team's arse, culminating with Kiba's now perfected Three-Headed Wolf.

There, Kiba, see, you...

...And now you ruined it, going on about how it wasn't Naruto that inspired you not to give up, it was all you.

*sigh*

It's just sad, now.

Tenten's Troubles

Yay, Tenten episode! Don't get much better than that!

(Apparently. Chouji, Ino and Sakura are just having a tea party of something this whole part of the exams...)

Lee...

*eyeglow twitch*

*eyeglow twitch*

Did... Did you just call Tenten... conveniant?

CONVENIANT?!

CON-FRACKING-VENIENT?!

You... Cannot... Form... Coherent... Thought... Too.. Much.. RAAAAAAAGE!

RAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!

Kill! Maim! Destroy!

*sounds of explosions and screams*

Ahem.

So, Tenten, not unreasonably - CONVENIANT indeed! - storms off and Neji is like "I don't know what's wrong." Seriously, dude, WHAT.

Tenten recalls seeing her teammaates to all their extra special crap and is like "Guy-sensei, what can I do to be awesome?"

And he - and I see where Lee gets it from, literally says "well, you're a support ninja and that's cool, and also conveniant!" And Tenten - because Tenten is AWESOME - says "screw that noise, I don't want to be fracking support, I want a horribly overpowered jutsu too!"

In the morning, the run into a rain team of a trio of kunoichi sent by Magic Paper Girl to look for jinchuriki an spy on everyone else.

There's no running from Neji (or, for that matter, in a literal sense from Team Guy), so they get into it. One of the other kunoichi is a tools-user too, and it starts to get really interesting, but then Lee, who is Being The [Richard] this episode - manages to cause a cabe-in in the ruins they're fighting in an Tenten and the other tool-user lass fall down into a pit. Good job, numpty.

To be fair to both teams, the immediately call it off to find their mates (but the Rain nin don't accept Lee's offer of a joint effort.)

Tenten, meanwhile, as she regains consciousness, remembers that ime he made he climb up a cliff and was like "if you don't surpass your physical limiations, you'll fall and die."

And she's like "what the actual f-rack, Guy-sensei?!" And then Kakashi climbs past them, using one arm and of course off Guy goes, because what's more important, the student you just terrified or failing to bat your hip rival?

Asshat.

FINALLY (after calling her convenient one more time, because she brought cups of water in her scroll because Tenten THINKS about crap like that because she's not a smeghead) Guy points out that if she gets her chakra up and gets better with her scrolls and transportation jutsu (that's a thing?) she could, like, summon lakes of water onto people. (Catherine Foundling, one feels, would heartily approve.)

Tenten wakes up, spots the other ninja and her first thought (because she's not an asshat) is to go over and check if she's alright, with water. While the other lass prepares to stab her with a kunai. (Because that'll work, and indeed when you are trapped in a cave-in makes perfect sense to do...)

So what we have learned to today is Team Guy is a bunch of ungrateful asshats who don't realise how good they have it and they don't deserve Tenten, especially Lee. ESPECIALLY Lee. (You married him why, Tenten?)

Asshat.




(Also, mood not improved by discovered the drains have apparently blocked. Yay. Mum and Dad are back from Austraila tomorrow, so that's great, isn't it, to come home to not be able to flush the loo.)