Please sell me on why I'd want to ever play a bard, when they seem so weak...

[bid]

Level 1: Hexblade 1 (for Wis/Cha save proficiencies, medium armor + shields, Shield spell, Hex)

If you go Valor or Sword bard you can even dual-wield short swords for 6d6+4ish (three attacks at 2d6 each from Hex, +Dex bonus on the first two) though it requires an initial setup round for Hex and personally I would just stick with sword + shield.

Even better, +Cha bonus since you're hexblade.