Y'know, after having a lot of alone time to be introspective with, I think I figured something out about myself. I think that the reason I'm more comfortable with people just needing me to do things for them than I am with them just liking me might have to do with how I process rejection.

If someone just needs me to do things like help them move furniture, bring pizza or something, it feels less personal when they decide that they're done with me. Either they don't need my help anymore or they found someone else that can do it better than me.

If someone wants me around because they like me... When they decide they're done with me, it's because they decide that they don't like me anymore or don't want me around anymore. For me, it's hard to not take that personally. It's hurtful and it feels like genuine rejection.

If I could think of rejection as being a possibility, rather than an inevitability I think I could actually accept love when it's shown to me. Unfortunately... it hasn't worked out well for me.