Fyraltari watches The Clone Wars (2008) for the first time

[Fyraltari]

Season 1, Episode 12: The Gungan General

Spoiler: Recap

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We open as Obi-Wan and Anakin wake up in a cell after having been drugged. Guess Hondo also was after their two drink-buddies for some unrelated business. What's more they discovered they've been shackled to Dooku who has been left out of his levitating restraints. They banter for a bit before agreeing to co-operate to escape.

Hondo talks to his leutenant, a weequay called Tuk, explaining that his mama taught him that one hostage was good, two was better and three is good business. Hondo, your mama clearly meant hostages on the same side. Capturing Dooku meant throwing your lot with the Republic wether you like it or not, capturing Jedis after that means that whoever wins you're going to lose, moron. He charges Tuk with meeting the Republic envoy and getting the spice because he won't do it himself for some reason. He isn't clear on wether he intends to ransom the Jedi to the Republic or the Separatists.

The Republic's crack team is made of a Gran Senator whose name I forgot with some experience in hostage crisis, Jar Jar and a handful of clones in a gunship. Jar is his usual self.

Dooku levitates a knife off a nearby fruit plates and telekinetically inserts it inside the cell's keyhole. Somehow this unlocks it. Somebody's been ripping Hondo off. Anakin and Obi-Wan snark at Dooku's expanse and riff him on his age*. He shuts them up by turning an armed guard into mince-meat bare handed but they stumble onto a bunch of pirates and are cut-off by some more weequay so they have to surrender. While this is happening Tuk was meeting with a one-eyed weequay and explains that he intends to betray Ohnaka. One-eye is to shoot down the Republic ship, kill everyone and take the spice then they'll leave together. This isn't half-bad a plan as the blame would invetibaly fall on Ohnaka whow would be too busy escaping ppusruit to deal with the traitors. One-Eye messes it up, though depsite Jar Jar messing with the gunner's seat (turns out you get ther via an internal elevator rather than climb on the outside). One-Eye flees as the gunship crashes killing pilot, gunner and the Gran Senator. To my horror I realize this means Jar Jar is in charge (the clones are a bit slower on the uptake). They notice that they landed near acidic geisers and with their comms out (when are theses things not out?) they have to continue with the mission. After they've buried their dead. They also notice some hippo-like creatures frolicking near the geisers but moving away before they erupt.

Ohnaka scolds the Jedi (and ex-) for scorning his "hospitality", insists that this is just business and they can go back to being "friends" once it's done and leave them in the exact same cell with no added safety. Idiot.

One-Eye reports to Tuk who takes three landspeeders and a couple henchmen to finish the job leaving the other at base. They arrive at the crash site and manage to miss. Every. Single. Shot. They. Fire. Good news, battle droids! you are now officially the galaxy's second worst shots. Still Jar Jar decides to jump inside a geiser followed by the clones. The pirates conclude that they will die when it erupts and take the spice. Jar Jar explains that as long as the hippos don't move they are safe. Eh, basic competence, didn't expect that from him. He also thinks of riding the hippos to catch the pirates.
They do (guess that spice is heavier than it looks) and after a brief fight the pirates crash into erupting geiser and die except Tuk who runs away leaving the spice behind. The clones notice a power line (as in pylones connected by purple electrical arcs) and reason that they must lead to the base so they head there with the ransom.

Obi-Wan mind trick a guard into opening their cell and leaving. Anakin proposes they ditch the dead weight (Dooku). The Count retorts that the only reason he hasn't killed them yet is because he'd have to drag their lifeless corpses around. Point for Dooku.

Tuk meets with Ohnaka and lies, telling him that the Republic sent an army to free the hostages by force. Hondo is pissed and autorizes Tuk to take their tanks to confront the clones head on. As in, he thinks his little band can take on the Grand Army of the Republic with three shoddy tanks and win. Dumbass.

The Terrible trio meanwhile has reached a platform of some sort overseeing a courtyard, howevere they've been spotted again so they decide to jump to the opposite wall. Anakin catches it but Obi-Wan and Dooku don't. As they jumped the pirates were firing on them and one stray shots breaks the chain between Dooku and Obi-Wan (who was in the middle). As the Count falls, Obi-Wan catches him for some reason. As Skywalker struggles to climb up he pleads Obi-Wan to let the ennemy with telekinetic powers make a two meter fall but before he can Hondo and his gang surrounds them looking mighty pissed. Oh look, a second escape attempt thwarted, I'm expecting the Third Doctor to show up any minute soon. Dooku is taken back to the cell while Ohnaka decides to electrically torture the Jedi to vent.

The clones and Binks spot the approaching tanks, they decide to let Jar Jar go to them as the clones hide, not to get rid of him but because "he is smarter than he looks" (he really is not). The pirates (who are suspiciously not lead by Tuk) reason that a Republic Representative must be worth good money and take him hostage. (Don't take the one paying you for your hostages hostage you brain-addled simpletons! You're just ensuring the next one come with guns rather money!) Jar Jar trips and fall on one of the tank's driver. It collides with a second tank who crashes into a power line. The last reamining tank is quickly overpowered by the clones (it doesn't have a roof).

The power failures stops Obi-Wan and Anakin's torture and release them from the torture device, they Force-accio their lightsabers and start fighting their way out (I guees Obi-Wan fixed his lightsaber off-screen in the last episode). They manage to take Hondo hostage (Ah!) and start slowly walking out. The power outage also allowed Dooku to Force open his cell and strangle the guard. He makes his way to the courtyard where Tuk and One-Eye are borading ashuttle. Turns out Tuk decided to call it quit and leave before his boss figured out what happened. Dooku Force choke him and forces him to shoot One-Eye before breaking his neck. Sith catharsis I guess (Sitharsis?). He steals the shuttle abandonning his lightsaber unless I missed a bit.
Anakin Obi-Wan and Hondo reach the other courstyard just as the tanks arrive. Hondo gloats but surprise! It's Jar Jar. Obi-Wan announces that they can trade the spice for Dooku if he's still prisoner just as they witness his shuttle taking off. As the good guys make their way towards the ship they initially came in. Hondo asks if his under arrest but Obi-Wan lets him go as he doesn't hold a grudge, after all what's a little torture between friends? Dooku might not be as forgiving, though, and Kenobi is sure to point out that he knows where Ohnaka lives. The obvious implication being that the Republic won't hurt the pirate but won't do anything to protect him either. We end as Ohnaka wordlessly contemplates the mess his greed put him in. All in all this was lousy day for everyone involved.

*You know he is older than Sidious. How long is human life expectancy in Star Wars? Because his theoritical stint as Dark Lord of the Sith wouldn't have lasted long if he had managed to Rule of Two his master.

Spoiler: My thoughts

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Well that was a nothing-sandwich. Ohnaka was stupidly antagonistic, Jar jar, while a clear improvement over last time was still hard to bear and our theoretical heroes didn't amout to anything. The two failed escape attempt were obvious padding that would have been put to better use by giving us some character development between the three prisoners. If they had actually co-operated for an extended period of tiem for example.
I kept expecting the Separatists to show up, but I guess Sidious doesn't really believe in helping his apprentice out.

I already watched the next episode, I 'll post about it later.