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So, nothing has happened to Diana since WW1. Literally, nothing. Sure, the guy's name is Pine, but you could maybe do something other than that over a guy you knew for maybe a month 70 years ago. The cold war is happening, but Diana doesn't care. Instead we get to watch her mope, and her "ugly" coworker fawn over her. "Ermagerd, you know latin" the woman with a biology degree and three other degrees says, because latin is clearly a language that nobody in higher education can vaguely understand.
There's not much plot for the first third of the film, because we have to wait until ugly girl loses her glasses, straightens her hair, and goes from being bashed by everyone to universal adoration. Top marks for originality here, chaps, I've never seen THIS plot before.
The antagonist is Mando, without a helmet. He tries. Bless the poor bastard, but he does try. He just has nothing to work with, because this movie is against setting up anything in advance, choosing instead to narrate motivations to us after the fact. He's not the villain, though. He doesn't even steal, apparently, as we find out that the artifact was originally purchased by him, and it turns out that it was Wonder Woman who stole it. That's right, Wonder Woman is the villain. This is set up by us looking at her childhood, and discovering her willingness to cheat in order to win.
We then jump to her using a wish to bodyjack some hapless innocent's body for her boyfriend's mind to ride around in. The movie takes the time to acknowledge what they've done, mind you, but it doesn't seem to recognize that, uh, stealing someone's body and then having all the sex with it is maybe a little morally questionable. WW is absolutely not bothered by this.
She also has, in standard DC fashion, embraced doing a fair bit of property damage, sometimes solely for convenience, not even to save lives. She maintains her anonymity, for instance, by smashing all cameras after the fact with her tiara, which now has the properties of Captain America's shield, after the fact. I guess that's how cameras work?
Dear BF, having returned, is shocked by the world of 1980, because it has coffee, and then physically removes WW from the driver's seat, because, I guess, his WW1 piloting skills means he is better equipped to drive everything from fighter jets to modern cars to the plot itself. The fighter jet becomes an invisible fighter jet, because making things invisible is now WW's power, which is explained after the fact via a coffee mug. This happens on the 4th of July. Pilot flies invisible jet while explaining that piloting is just about feelings.
Over the next 24 hours before Christmas, the rest of the plot takes place. She has a fight in which her powers rapidly weaken, revealing that the wish monkey-paws(the movie will actually use this terminology to repeatedly, laboriously explain it to you) your wish, taking whatever it is that you value most. Which, for Diana, is power, of course. This weakening somehow doesn't impact her ability to invent new powers on the fly, like the invisibility thing.
They teleport back to NY from the middle east between screen cuts while no time passes, and despite everyone only ever getting one wish, former ugly girl gets a second one because screw the rules, the plot needs to happen, and she chooses to be a cat. Take backsies exist for wishes, and so WW offs her beau because she wants power. She then needs to fly to the battle, and can't do so, because she has forgotten that she has a plane, probably on account of it being invisible.
She remembers that flying is about feelings, and she has feelings. She can fly now.
She fights the cat, and transforms into a full set of golden armor that she was apparently carrying in the numerous pockets on her original costume, and which has its own backstory, from when Amazonians were all enslaved, which you probably forgot about, because it's never been mentioned before. It was made from the armor of all the other amazonians, which explains why none of them have armor, except when they do. The armor does nothing. The cat knows that her scene has ended, and patiently stops and waits for the remainder of the movie to happen.
The bad guy has taken over the world, because he is "touching" everyone on earth by talking to them on TV, something that even the movie explains wouldn't work, but then it does. Everyone on earth gets every wish they want granted at the same time, which causes some upsets. Diana is unable to reach him because of some unexplained wind power that has to do with how television works, but she gives a speech, and everyone on earth thoughtfully gives up their wishes, and take backsies rule. Including the antagonist, of course.
Every consequence is thus undone, sort of, except for all the ones the movie forgot about, like the bad guy still using Marine One as his personal joyride, which seems implausible with no longer brainwashed crew. It's Christmas in DC, with the usual thick layering of white snow and evergreen trees lining the streets of the pastoral scene as exists nowhere in the city, and Diana makes googly eyes at the guy who was bodyjacked, who seems remarkably unperturbed about his entire life having presumably collapsed while he wasn't at work or home for the past six months.
Ww84
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