Dysfunctional Rules X: I Cast Comprehend Rules

[ShurikVch]

As for Swallow Whole I remembered it existing as feat it some book though I may be mistaken.

Snatch and Swallow (Draconomicon) - but you need to be a Huge Dragon to qualify for it

Regardless I think the counting as 3 size categories alone is funny enough to mention.

True.
Another - less RAW-questionable - way to do it is Kobold with Half-Ogre template and Hulking Brute feat: count as Medium - because, indeed, Medium, Small - because of Slight Build, and Large - because of Hulking Brute; can add in Deformity (tall) to be even more "Large" (just for fluff; but +5' reach is nice - even with penalties)