* My Superhero Origin can't be that I'm a little kid kidnapped by a mad scientist and infused with nanomachines, not unlike the exabytes from DCUO, containing the DNA, skills, knowledge, mystical or technological information, memories, and metahuman energy of Steppenwolf, Harley Quinn, Atrocitus, Professor Zoom, Alkyone, and The Marshal to create an evil counterpart of Shazam who none the less dwarfs the original in power and skill.
** "I wanted a Batman villain" does not adequately explain why Harley is lumped in with those powerhouses.
***The reason I'm a hero instead of a villain was "the idiot forgot to brainwash me."
****The explanation for how having the knowledge and memories of all of those villains and psychoses didn't drive me insane shouldn't be "uhduhnuh."
*****The powers shouldn't be dormant until I shout "Shazam!" which trigers a horrific, Akira-esque biomechanical metamorphosis.
******Said metamorphosis shouldn't culminate into a standard "ideal of fitness and beauty" adult superhero body.
*******I can't be incredibly cheerful about all of the above.