Realistically, I dont think theres a way you can have your cake and eat it too here Talakeal. This group does not care about your feelings. Youre going to have to give somewhere, either remaking the character, suffer through being the worst at the job, or leave.

I understand you dont want to leave, but you are now to the point where you preemptively complain and cringe. That seems like you are now dreading the game more than you have fun.