Wet Horse Teeth



CE Dwarf Horse Totem Unholy Fury Barbarian 7 / Fighter 2 / Battlerager 3 / Heir of Siberys 3 / Black Blood Cultist 5

Spoiler: Story
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Spoiler: A Warning
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You young'uns rented the cabin down there in the woods? Foolish, if you ask me. Oh, sure, the Ghallandas cleaned it up all nice, turned it into a real pretty lodge, made buck marketing it to out-of-towners, but all us village folks know why they got it for cheap, that we do!

You're asking me if there's ghosts? Oh, I know that question, I see that look in your eye, you hope I'll say 'yes' and you get to laugh me off as just another superstitious country bumpkin. But no, what dwells in that forest is both realer and more gruesome than any ghost could be: let me tell you of it.

I remember it like yesterday, though it must have been nearly fifty years by now. Old Andri, Flame bless his soul, had missed the weekly market, this was odd you see, he never missed the market, so I and Taran, went down there to his farm, yes, that same place you are renting, to check it out.

We arrived there at dusk, and right away I could tell something wasn't right. You see, Andri (Flame bless his soul) had animals, lots of them, pigs and cows and chickens, and one, no, two dogs, and a few horses. But we could hear none of them; no barking, no squealing, no clucking, only a faint, echoing whinny, from the back-most stable on the property. I hadn't spoken a word to Taran, but I looked at him and I just know he had noticed it too.

The door to the farmhouse was closed but unlocked, so we knocked and went in, but it was all empty, like he'd up and disappeared in the middle of the day. No signs of a struggle, no ransacked cabinets, the silver idol in the shrine sitting in plain sight, untouched.

Taran suggested we check out the stables, I think he just wanted to leave the house, and who could blame him? So there we went, first the chicken coop, which smelled of crap and dust but was empty otherwise. Then the pigsty, then the kennel, the stable, all empty. And as we slowly made our way to the horse stable, we begun to smell it: a terrible cloying stench, assaulting the senses, and we heard, beneath the panicked horses, the buzzing of-

What, how long this is going to keep going? Show respect to your elders, young'uns! And anyway, I was getting to it, I think. Where was I? Oh right, the buzzing of flies, an ominous drone beneath the cacophony of the animals. Taran slowly pushed open the stable-door, and that's when we saw it.

Carrion. Piles of it, meters high, haphazardly chopped up, black with blood and flies. We spotted Andri, or what was left of him, within seconds; he'd been thrown on top of the biggest pile, limbs removed, head split in two, but still recognizable. The rest was the animals, all of them, slain and left to rot.

No, that's not true. Not all animals, the horses were still there, stomping and screaming in their stalls. I didn't see it at first, but then Taran pointed it out to me. The mangers, the hay nets: they'd all been emptied out, and then refilled with the same gory cadavers. No wonder the horses had been driven into a frenzy, unable to escape that smell of death, that sight of death.

We hightailed it out of there, then; but what we'd witnessed was merely the first killing. The madman behind it, he's still there, waiting; killing when he can, taking the corpses to do flame-knows-what to 'em. We all have our theories; some say he's a mad Aundair druid, others a werebeast, one of the Mournland's blasted monsters, a demon, one of Karrnath's twisted creations. I don't care much for these; all I know is that time and time again, out-of-towners call me an old fool, and time and time again they turn up dead... or at any rate, pieces of them do.

...As I expected, you hear my story and merely think it reason for mockery. Very well, walk on to your doom, know I warned you; I'll pray to the Flame for the sake of your souls.

And before you go... allow me to tell you the last part of my tale, the part most incredible, which I have learned to hold back for few hear it and consider me anything but a madman. But it's true, so I swear on my soul, ask Taran if you believe me not.

You see, Andri had six horses, in six stalls, yet only five were found alive. Those who reclaimed his farm never bothered to account for each scrap of meat on the piles of gore, and wrote the missing horse off as another butchered beast, killed and discarded with all other lifestock. Most believed them.

But the truth is this, I saw it myself: one stall out of six was open and unlocked, and though its manger was blood-stained like all the others, not a single scrap of meat remained inside...


Spoiler: Slasher
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Mira's luminous spell left the narrow forest path brightly lit, yet surrounded by the twisted shadows of roadside trees. The rumble of hoofbeats, still distant mere seconds ago, was already rapidly approaching. The others weren't as fast to respond as her: were still fumbling with bowstrings and digging for spell components when their enemy arrived. Why had they even gone out here? Curiosity, foolishness, a stupid dare. It didn't matter now.

Charging in from the edge of the light was a horse. Something was terribly wrong with it.

Shards of glass and metal jutted out from its feet, inexpertly hammered into the hoof and protruding at differing angles and lengths. Its fur was matted and unkempt; in places only bare skin remained, cancerous and sore-ridden. Its eyes were bloodshot and unfocused, its nostrils flared open, its mouth closed but frothing. The sound emerging from it was indescribable, an agonizing gurgle-whine, far too human-sounding for something made by a horse.

And on its back: a rider. A man no less twisted than his steed, too short and stunted to be a man, too large to be a halfling, too emaciated and top-heavy to be a dwarf. A shriveled thing hung from his neck on a fraying rope: the horse's missing ear? A skull-like mask, no, a skull, covered his face, with only darkness behind the sockets. In his hands he clutched a lance, point lowered at Mira. His path brought him towards her within seconds, and with a final lunge, he forced the weapon towards her. Blood splattered on the forest path.

She lived. The lance had merely struck a glancing blow, already its point travelled onwards, unsuccesful in its attempt to end her life. Relief blossomed on the faces of her friends even as pain erupted on hers: she was alive! They could all make it back to safety! Just a bit of-

The horse twisted its head sideways, mouth opening impossibly far as it did so. For a second, the light reflected off of its teeth; too many teeth, too big, too pointed, things disturbingly like bits of meat stuck between them. Then the maw closed around Mira's arm with a crunching sound, and only a strangled scream marked her doom as the beast dragged her along, into the darkness.

The others were left to flee back to the cabin, ignoring the triumphant bellows that issued from the forest all night.

None dared guess who was making them.


Spoiler: Final Girl
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They'd tried everything, and now it was just her.

The illusionary doubles hadn't fooled him for a second: he'd sniffed out the real humans among them instantly, and launched a charge. Their luck had been that Koril had gone off in a slightly different direction, and that he caught her scent first: it'd given Zaz and Yowa a second to get away.

That second did not matter much, in the end. Yowa's summoned fodder had been trampled in the dust, her summoned barriers evaded, her spells of fire and frost toughed out without as much as a grunt. The two of them had been chased around the forest, bloodied and toyed with as ploy after ploy on their end failed. An hour ago, their assailant had apparently tired of this, spurred the horse forward, and slammed Yowa to the ground with a single mighty blow; the crunch of her neck between his teeth still echoed in Zaz's head as she ran.

Yes, she ran, but where to? The forest's edge was still far away, her track was easily found, and she couldn't outrun a horse; it was no surprise when the awful pair caught up to her once more; the horse's head now stained with blood, its maw now dribbling gore.

Grimly, her hands held in a slightly odd position, Zaz faced the oncoming slayer. He was still expressionless, body language utterly focused on keeping the lance pointed at its target, not even bothering with reins; that horse wanted to strike as badly as its master. He knew she was out of magic: she'd revealed as much by failing to take a shot at the onrushing horse. Not like much would've stopped it, of course.

Still closer the pair came. The horse's hooves pounded the ground, leaving crooked tracks where its makeshift claws tore at the ground, its mouth, its jaw snapping wildly. A hundred feet, now sixty, now thirty, now fifteen, now ten, now-

Few remember this, but Invisibility can be cast on objects.

Two thousand pounds of horse propelled itself at full speed into an invisible spear, carved and sharpened over the course of the last hour. Its knees buckled, its maw snapped open with impossible speed, its eyes rolled back, and the beast collapsed mere feet away from Zaz. Its rider was thrown off and crashed into the ground hard, but already he was getting up, already Zaz was running the other way.

He was slow: she realized. As muscular as his body was, his legs looked short and malformed, undeveloped almost. His staggering pace was no match for her, she was outrunning him, all she now needed to do was keep this up for-

A bright wall of shimmering color appeared before her: it took every ounce of effort, every bit of arcane instinct screaming DANGER!!! to keep herself from crashing into it. She twisted around, only to see the same pattern on all sides, a cilinder fifteen feet across and twice as tall.

A mutter behind her.

",,,,never ate them"

Him; still skull-masked, still approaching at that slow, halting pace, still clutching that battered lance. His voice was surprisingly soft, and interrupted by something she could almost believe were sobs.

She didn't respond, just kept thinking of a way out. Prismatic Wall, prismatics, how did those work, how long did they last? Too long.

"Fed them,., to the horse. Never me. Never Wet Horse Teeth."

Was that his name?

"But now,, no horse anymore"

"Did you look at that thing? It wasn't going to stay around for much longer anyway."

Ah yes, antagonize the insane slasher, make a little quip at the expense of his dead pet; great idea! He seemed to ignore it, for what that was worth.

"Feed the horse, hungry horse. Kill quickly, horse eats quickly."

Could she collapse the prismatic wall? Break his focus? Distract him? No, no, that wouldn't work, how did this savage even have that sort of magic?

"But no horse,,,.,, no reason to kill quickly."

A hairy, misshapen hand, fingernails filed into claws, thumb broken and healed too many times to count, reached through the barrier and seized her by the leg.

In a village close by, yet too far away to matter, screams echoed for far too long a time.




Spoiler: Ability scores and languages
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STR: 16
DEX: 12
CON: 12
INT: 12
WIS: 8
CHA: 16

Race gives +2 constitution, -2 charisma for:

STR: 16
DEX: 12
CON: 14
INT: 12
WIS: 8
CHA: 14

All increases into strength.

Languages are Common, Dwarven, and Orc.



Spoiler: Build table
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Level Class Base Attack Bonus Fort Save Ref Save Will Save Skills Feats Class Features
1st Unholy Fury Barbarian 1 +1 +2 +0 +0 Handle Animal +4 (4), Intimidate +4 (4), Knowledge (Religion) +2cc (2), Ride +4 (4), Survival +4 (4) Wild Cohort Illiteracy, Rage 1/day, Unholy Fury
2nd Horse Totem Barbarian 2 +2 +3 +0 +0 Handle Animal +1 (5), Intimidate 4, Knowledge (Religion) 2, Knowledge (Nature) +1cc (1), Ride +1 (5), Survival +1 (5) RunB
3rd Horse Totem Barbarian 3 +3 +3 +1 +1 Handle Animal +1 (6), Intimidate +1 (5), Knowledge (Religion) 2, Knowledge (Nature) +1cc (2), Ride +1 (6), Survival 5 Mounted Combat +2 Handle Animal and Ride with horses
4th Fighter 1 +4 +5 +1 +1 Handle Animal +1 (7), Intimidate +1 (6), Knowledge (Religion) 2, Knowledge (Nature) 2, Ride +1 (7), Survival 5 Power AttackB -
5th Fighter 2 +5 +6 +1 +1 Handle Animal +1 (8), Intimidate +1 (7), Knowledge (Religion) 2, Knowledge (Nature) 2, Ride +1 (8), Survival 5 CleaveB -
6th Barbarian 4 +6/+1 +7 +1 +1 Handle Animal +1 (9), Intimidate +1 (8), Knowledge (Religion) 2, Knowledge (Nature) 2, Perform (Sing) +1cc (1) Ride +1 (9), Survival 5 Mounted Fury Rage 2/day
7th Horse Totem Barbarian 5 +7/+2 +7 +1 +1 Handle Animal +1 (10), Intimidate 8, Knowledge (Religion) 2, Knowledge (Nature) 2, Perform (Sing) +1cc (2) Ride +1 (10), Survival +1 (6) EnduranceB -
8th Barbarian 6 +8/+3 +8 +2 +2 Handle Animal +1 (11), Intimidate 8, Knowledge (Religion) 2, Knowledge (Nature) 2, Perform (Sing) 2, Perform (Wind Instruments) +1cc (1), Ride +1 (11), Survival +1 (7) - -
9th Spiritual Wolf Totem Barbarian 7 +9/+4 +8 +2 +2 Handle Animal +1 (12), Intimidate 8, Knowledge (Religion) 2, Knowledge (Nature) 2, Perform (Sing) 2, Perform (Wind Instruments) +1cc (2), Ride +1 (12), Survival +1 (8) Raging Luck, TrackB +2 Survival
10th Battlerager 1 +10/+5 +10 +2 +2 Handle Animal +1 (13), Intimidate +1 (9), Knowledge (Religion) 2, Knowledge (Nature) 2, Perform (Sing) 2, Perform (Wind Instruments) 2, Ride +1 (13), Survival 8 - Rage 3/day, Gruff, Rock Gut
11th Battlerager 2 +11/+6/+1 +11 +2 +2 Handle Animal +1 (14), Intimidate +1 (10), Knowledge (Religion) 2, Knowledge (Nature) 2, Perform (Sing) 2, Perform (Wind Instruments) 2, Ride +1 (14), Survival 8 Close-Quarters FightingB Fearless
12th Battlerager 3 +12/+7/+2 +11 +3 +3 Handle Animal +1 (15), Intimidate +1 (11), Knowledge (Religion) 2, Knowledge (Nature) 2, Perform (Sing) 2, Perform (Wind Instruments) 2, Ride +1 (15), Survival 8 Improved Unarmed StrikeB Rage 4/day
13th Heir of Siberys 1 +12/+7/+2 +13 +5 +5 Handle Animal +1 (16), Intimidate +1 (12), Knowledge (Religion) 2, Knowledge (Nature) 2, Perform (Sing) 2, Perform (Wind Instruments) 2, Ride +1 (16), Survival 8 Action SurgeB Action Points
14th Heir of Siberys 2 +13/+8/+3 +14 +6 +6 Handle Animal +1 (17), Intimidate +1 (13), Knowledge (Religion) 2, Knowledge (Nature) 2, Perform (Sing) 2, Perform (Wind Instruments) 2, Ride +1 (17), Survival 8 Ride-By AttackB Siberys Mark (Warding)
15th Heir of Siberys 3 +14/+9/+4 +14 +6 +6 Handle Animal +1 (18), Intimidate 13, Knowledge (Religion) 2, Knowledge (Nature) 2, Perform (Sing) 2, Perform (Wind Instruments) 2, Ride +1 (18), Survival +1 (9) Dragonmark Smite, Spirited ChargeB Improved Siberys Mark
16th Black Blood Cultist 1 +14/+9/+4 +16 +8 +6 Handle Animal +1 (19), Intimidate 13, Knowledge (Religion) 2, Knowledge (Nature) 2, Perform (Sing) 2, Perform (Wind Instruments) 2, Ride +1cc (19), Survival +2 (11) - Feral Rage (Claws), DR 1/silver, Rage 5/day
17th Black Blood Cultist 2 +15/+10/+5 +17 +9 +6 Handle Animal +1 (20), Intimidate +1 (14), Knowledge (Religion) 2, Knowledge (Nature) 2, Perform (Sing) 2, Perform (Wind Instruments) 2, Ride +1cc (20), Survival +1 (12) Improved GrappleB -
18th Black Blood Cultist 3 +16/+11/+6/+1 +17 +9 +7 Handle Animal +1 (21), Intimidate +1 (15), Knowledge (Religion) 2, Knowledge (Nature) 2, Perform (Sing) 2, Perform (Wind Instruments) 2, Ride +1cc (21), Survival +1 (13) Overhead Thrust Feral Rage (Bite)
19th Black Blood Cultist 4 +17/+12/+7/+2 +18 +10 +7 Handle Animal +1 (22), Intimidate +1 (16), Knowledge (Religion) 2, Knowledge (Nature) 2, Perform (Sing) 2, Perform (Wind Instruments) 2, Ride +1cc (22), Survival +1 (14) - DR 3/silver, Greater Rage, Scent
20th Black Blood Cultist 5 +17/+12/+7/+2 +18 +10 +7 Handle Animal +1 (23), Intimidate 16, Knowledge (Religion) 2, Knowledge (Nature) 2, Perform (Sing) 2, Perform (Wind Instruments) 2, Ride +1cc (23), Survival +2 (16) - Rage 6/day, Strangehold


Spoiler: Wild Cohort
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Famine
Light horse, 20th-level wild cohort, war-trained*

+11 bonus HD, +11 natural armor, +5 Strength and Dexterity
Evasion, Devotion, Improved Evasion abilities

Extra feats are Improved Unarmed Strike, Improved Grapple, and Scorpion's Grasp, obtained at respectively character level 6, 12, and 15.

All extra skill points are invested in Spot.


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*What does 'war-trained' mean? It's the thing that statblock-default horses lack, the reason their hoof attacks are secondary, and the reason they cannot fight while carrying a rider. Riding dogs may or may not be trained for war, with a trip attack being the only difference, suggesting that a creature can be war-trained while staying basically the same. The warbeast template is another way to represent war-training, and can be applied with Handle Animal checks, but doing so is considered somewhat cheesy and I have no interest in that trick.

At the same time, wild cohort specifies that the cohort can be trained using Handle Animal as normal, and 'combat riding' is one of the purposes that an animal can be trained for using the skill.

In the end, all I'm assuming is that I can do something to war-train my cohort, with that 'something' depending on the table and rulings. I'm not assuming this turns it into a warhorse, I'm not assuming I get the Warbeast template, and I'm not trying to get any mechanical benefit out of this other than the basic functionality that a combat mount needs.


Spoiler: Spotlights
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ECL 5
We're mounted and smiting from the get-go. Our wild cohort doesn't just mitigate our stubby little dwarven legs (without Fast Movement, we have a mere 20 ft. speed), but also sets us up for double-damage lance charges. The obscure Unholy Fury ACF gives us a Smite that works on any creature that's not Chaotic Evil and can be used once per rage; it both helps ensure our mounted charges hit and adds bonus damage equal to our barbarian level that’s multiplied by the ‘double damage on lance charges’ clause.

We mostly grab Cleave as a prerequisite (though it's not like extra attacks are bad), but mounted combat isn't the worst place for it. Remember, a horse has 50% more adjacent squares than a dwarf, so being mounted makes us likely to have a nearby foe to hit. Ask your DM how it interacts when you kill someone with a Smite; the feat does say the new attack is made 'at the same attack bonus', but having smite apply to more than one hit is a bit strange; I didn’t assume the bonus carries over, but if so you shouldn’t look that gift horse in the mouth.

Note that Horse Totem Barbarian gives +2 Ride and Handle Animal with horses, so our Ride is a solid +11 before items despite our so-so dexterity. Assuming a +2 masterwork tool and a breastplate, we're auto-succeeding on the DC 10 ride checks needed to fight with our war-trained mount.

My logic for the leveling order is that I focus on mounted combat, which means beelining for Horse Totem's third-level feature first; afterwards I prioritize Cleave as it has immediate synergy with mounted combat (as explained above), as opposed to a second use of Rage which will only synergize from level 6 on (which is when we obtain it). That said, the fighter levels can be taken anywhere from 2nd to 9th with no real consequence, and I hope judges won't penalize me for this minor style choice.

ECL 10
We stick with barbarian much longer than most builds ('much longer' means 'anywhere beyond first level', of course), but nearly all those levels give us something useful. Horse Totem trades away Improved Uncanny Dodge for Endurance, and at level 7 we swap out our DR for Track and a +2 bonus to Survival.

(If 'spiritual wolf totem' seems odd after all those horse totem barbarian levels, consider that freakishly mixing horses and carnivores is kind of our entire thematic thing. Plus, it's not like there's a 'spiritual horse totem' that would be a better fit)

All these barbarian levels also serve to give us more rages and improve our smite (we're up to +7 damage). We also get an action point during each rage, which is for now best combined with our smiting charge to ensure that attack hits home. Frontloading damage is optimal from a tactical perspective, so stacking all your 1/encounter abilities hopefully results in a first-turn kill.

At level 10, we enter Battlerager, another niche barbarian option and the real reason we're playing a dwarf. The class gives us another rage right away, so even though we've left barbarian, we still have the three daily rages a single-classed character would have by now. Fearless, despite its name, helps against all mind-affecting effects, so between that and our rage bonus we retain a somewhat acceptable Will save (set to improve even further soon).

By the way: all those rages are now boosting our mount as well. With Mounted Fury, our mount gains 'the same benefits and penalties that you do while you rage'. This definitely covers the ability boosts, save bonuses, etc, but ask your DM if it might include the free action point or the smite attempt as well. Again, I did not rely on the assumption that these single-use abilities truly counted as a 'benefit' of rage; and will only be considering continuous effects that activate specifically throughout rage and have 'rage' in their name (so Greater Rage, Mighty Rage, Feral Rage etc).

ECL 15
Battlerager gives us Improved Unarmed Strike and another rage (and thus another Smite), and with Heroic Spirit grabbed at level 12 and Ride + Handle Animal maxed out we can proceed to enter Heir of Siberys (the reason we couldn't grab a better subrace). It gives us some action point-related features, which are a bit too inconsistent to reliably showcase, but from time to time you might want the attack roll bonus or the Action Surge action.

The Mark of Siberys gives us CL 15 Prismatic Wall 2/day As a SLA, you're probably not using it past the start of the encounter, but it can still isolate foes, break up enemy formations, or create a guarded formation for your allies to take shelter in (with you at the sole opening). I just want to stress how good it is: Prismatic Wall can't be dispelled, it's immune to antimagic, you're immune to its effects, and from time to time it’ll auto-blind some summoned fodder or something. Also note that we can use it to drop a barrier between us and the enemies, ending the encounter, and then return with a new rage and a new smite if needed.

That said, we're chiefly taking the Mark for its interaction with Dragonmark Smite. If we smite an enemy and expend an action point (which we can both do exactly once per rage, for those keeping track), that foe must make a scaling save, based on our secondary stat, or fall unconscious for a minute. It goes without saying, but instantly knocking out a foe is a huge rider to put on your smites. The feat also lets Heir of Siberys stack with Barbarian for determining our bonus damage, meaning our smites now add 10 damage: again subject to all the usual multipliers.

Our mount has taken Scorpion's Grasp at this level, which lets it bring its cohort-boosted rage-boosted strength score to bear when grappling, which it is remarkably good at. Thanks to the rage boost, Wild Cohort stat boost, and Improved Grapple, we're looking at a modifier upwards of 20; even many Large foes will have to beware of its grabs (which do, of course, free you up to power attack more easily and prevent the foe from moving out of reach of your full attack). Against low-AC foes, Scorpion's Grasp offers a flurry of unarmed strikes and hoof attacks that each trigger a grapple attempt.

ECL 20

Our last levels are in Black Blood Cultist. Thanks to the way this class stacks with barbarian, we obtain our fifth and sixth rage/smite attempt, as well as Greater Rage (which explicitly also applies to our Battlerager rages). We also get natural weapons while raging, DR 3/silver, improved grapple, Scent (which combos with Track!), and Strangehold, which lets us bite-CDG fallen foes as a move action.

Firstly, I'd like to point out our mount benefits from Feral Rage and now receives a bite and two claws when we enter rage, and thus more grab attempts with scorpion's grab, more damage when it gets off a full attack, and more general freakish looks.

The move action Coup De Graces work as a great capstone to our build: not only do our smites regularly leave unconscious enemies at our feet, being on a mount means we can execute them with a move action Strangehold, ride over to the next enemy, and make a standard action attack (or, alternatively, we can approach and smite an enemy into unconsciousness and CDG them in the same round). Remember, lances have triple crit damage and thus actually mesh rather well with this combat trick!

Our final feat is Overhead Thrust; flying enemies are a bit of a weak point for us, but getting to AoO smite them on crush or dive attacks is a big help. At the very least we hit a triple-damage AoO that also multiplies our smite, but with some luck they fail the Dragonmark Smite saving throw and fall unconscious before they had a chance to make their provoking attack.



Spoiler: Sources
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Barbarian - PHB
Unholy Fury - Exemplars of Evil
Horse Totem - UA variant
Spiritual Wolf Totem - Complete Champion

Fighter - PHB

Battlerager - RoF

Heir of Siberys - ECS

Black Blood Cultist - CoR

Wild Cohort - Web

Mounted Fury - Web

Raging Luck – ECS

Close-Quarters Fighting – CWar

Action Surge – ECS

Dragonmark Smite – Dragonmarked

Overhead Thrust - Draconomicon