I couldn't think of an opening sentence...

1:39am over here, and feeling a bit lonely. I'm actually awake because I woke up, drank some water (I keep a bottle next to my bed 'cause I get thirsty alot), choked on the water as I was about to fall asleep again and woke up again. I've been awake for a while now. But that's not what I came here to post about.

Those of you who remember the early days of the old depression thread (or threads, since two were merged) may or may not remember some of my previous posts about lack of social life (I call it that, seems accurate enough). I don't see myself improving with the people I already know but when I get out of school then maybe. That's close to what I came to post about, but not quite there.

The thing that got me depressed this time was planning my birthday. I usually love this sort of thing but its starting to bug me. I wanted to do something but my mum tells me we can't afford it. I get mega-pissed and wonder why she didn't tell me before even though I think she knew what I wanted to do. But maybe she misinterpreted something. She better have. So I can't do what I wanted to do. But there isn't anything else I want to do. This makes me even more pissed.

Then I went to bed (you know that). And woke up (you also know that). I was feeling really lonely. There are no people I want to hang out with, no people I want to invite (the last time I invited non-family was my 13th...). When this goes on for years like it has, it starts to get to me. At times I feel this extreme loneliness and that "why does the world hate me?" feeling. And also confusion as I usually prefer not to talk to others yet I get the other feelings. This makes the other feelings worse.

I turn 16 on Monday. This has been a horrible way to spend my last week of being 15. I don't want it to end like this! I've also not been looking forward to turning 16 for other reasons. I also don't want to feel lonely, so I posted here to try and get rid of a bit of that.

2:08am now... I won't bother looking at how much time I took to post this. Maybe later.