The Saga of Toothfountains

[potatocubed]

A long, long time ago, in a galaxy swamp far, far away, there rose - well, sunk - the dwarven outpost of Razzefon, meaning 'Toothfountains' in the old tongue. We are privileged to have here the journals of the first ruler of Toothfountains: 'Cubes of Potato' Melbilgim, who gained his distinctive nickname from an unfortunate barrel-stand incident.

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The year is 201. The Age of Heroes is over. I know this, because if a god had started talking in my head six months ago I'd have been hailed as some sort of prophet. Now I'm just a mental case.

The god in my head is Erib, deity of mountains and volcanoes. "Leave the Pillars of Muscle," he said, "and found me a colony in a faraway place. Delve a mighty fortress to honour my name!"

"How will I know when we've reached the right place?" I asked him.

"You will know!" he cried.

I'd like to say the citizens of the Pillars of Muscle were sad to see me go, but they weren't. They did at least promise to send a caravan every so often, and to direct anyone else they didn't want cluttering up their citadel my way.

1st Granite
Well, here I am in a swamp in the-gods-only-know-where, with half a dozen pliable and easily led followers and some pets. The wagon's so bogged down it's never going to move again. I guess this is the sign Erib was going to send me.

"I'm diversifying," he says. "I'll be the god of mountains, volcanoes, and swamps! Strike the earth!"

I struck the earth. It goes 'squish'.

8th Granite
It's been a week and we've hit 'stone'. It's a nasty brown colour and I think it's just swamp mud compressed so thick it can't even ooze any more, but the mason says he can work with it, so.

12th Granite
Proper stone! Well, gypsum, but at least it's not brown.

26th Granite
Two of our dwarfs have taken to standing by the river, doing nothing. I worry they may be contemplating suicide.

9th Slate
It turns out the two suicidal dwarfs were just trapped after I ordered them to dig away the hillside for the sake of neatness. My fellow dwarfs are so dense that, even though one was carrying a mining pick, they would have just stood there and starved unless I told them to move.

Despite the provision of several lovely clay bedrooms, the dwarfs seem to prefer to sleep among the beer barrels in the food stores. I can't imagine why.

25th Slate
Great news! While digging out the Cubes of Potato honourary water feature, the dwarf minions have struck sapphires! Who would have thought you could find gemstones in a muddy place like this?

17th Felsite
Food supplies are running low. I have dispatched dwarfs to gather plants, fish for food, and operate a mushroom farm, but they seem to prefer to work on my water feature. While this dedication is touching, we're down to the last 8 strange tubers the farmer guy pulled out of the swamp - and that's not good. Luckily, the cats seem to be breeding apace.

25th Felsite
We have struck satinspar! I don't even know what that is...

15th Hematite
The first test of the water feature nearly ended in disaster, but luckily all that happened was the lovingly polished floor ended up covered in mud and a couple of dead fish. Oh well, looks like some poor sod is going to have to polish it all over again.

3rd Malachite
It's been three weeks, and the flood waters are starting to dry out. In the meantime, the engraver's been polishing up the walls and getting trench foot. On the plus side, the construction of two bridges should help trade caravans get to our depot. I, for one, can't wait for someone to come round and exchange some of the trappings of civilisation for whatever bone and stone junk we can scrounge together.

10th Galena
So, there I was looking at my various projects - bridges, stonework, prospecting - and thinking "I could really use some more masons" and what should show up? A note from the Pillars of Muscle saying that they 'couldn't spare' anyone else.

11th Limestone
The water feature is completed! Now maybe the masons can get on with such tasks as making some tables and chairs.

14th Limestone
At last! The dwarfs back home have sent a caravan of lovely goodies! And a 'representative' who tied me up in discussion for a week.

14th Sandstone
We have struck sard! I don't know what that is, either. Perhaps I should have requested less meat and more geology textbooks from the merchants. Oh well, too late now. My miners tell me sard is a kind of gemstone, but I'm not sure I believe that. If something was 'sard-encrusted' it'd sound like you'd just picked it out of a cesspit.

19th Sandstone
We have struck magnetite! I thought magnetite was a Pokemon, but since it doesn't seem to be running around and electrocuting people it's probably actually a kind of rock. This is a shame, since this means it's less valuable.

21st Sandstone
Drawn by the rumours of rare Pokemon, some immigrants have arrived! A selection of professions, all of whom are going to be put to work digging for more gemstones.

13th Timber
Turns out magnetite is an ore of iron! Even better, there's loads of it down here. Sure, it's under about sixty feet of mud, but what isn't in this swamp?

25th Timber
Drink supplies are running low. The brewer says he can't make any more because all the barrels are full - upon checking one barrel I discover that a full load is six turtle biscuits. I think I need to have a word with the guys about portion sizes.

20th Moonstone
A lone kobold thief attempted to steal our precious gems! Well, what actually happened is he walked up to the entrance, took one look at the mud and decided we weren't worth his time. I shall order some minions to beutify the entranceway at once.

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The records end here, possibly because Melbilgim got bored of writing them.

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I seem to have deleted all my screenshots. Oh well, it wasn't a very interesting year anyway. Hopefully things will get properly wacky in future updates.

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I'm using version v0.28.181.40c, which was uploaded to the DF website on the 21st of August.

The save files are here. Download the zip, rename the 'region2' folder into 'regionX' where X is a number high enough that it doesn't overwrite any of your other games, and drop it in your data/save directory. You should then be able to load Razzefon in your 'continue game' screen.