Originally Posted by
RPGsr4me
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Some of you know I was gone for a week to Florida and as a result of the school I missed I now have a flood of homework that needs doing. At the beginning of this weekend I told myself I was going to get most, if not all, of it done even if it killed me. What I failed to remember was that I had recently come in to possession of two new and awesomely amazing video games, Dragon Age and Borderlands. It hit me the moment I entered my house, it was as inevitable as gravity pulling a thrown object to the ground, it was The Pull, I had to play them. Friday night I played Dragon Age until one in the morning at which time I was reluctantly forced to sleep due to the intervention of my parents. The next morning I awoke at nine and The Pull took hold of me immediately. I continued to play Dragon Age until my parents badgering to get to work on my homework became unbearable. I retreated to the basement with every intention of doing my homework, but I came across my brothers playing Borderlands and The Pull took hold of me once again. I decided that I would play for a little while just to try it, but I should have known that The Pull leaves no room for decision, only compulsion. Before I knew it the clock had struck midnight and once again my parents intervention forced me to sleep. On Sunday morning The Pull called to me with the call of a siren but there was no time for gaming, I had to go to church. Over those few hours The Pull grew and grew until it became unbearable. Upon arriving home I immediately rushed for the X Box and took up Borderlands. It was indescribable the relief I felt when I felt the controller in my hands and saw the flashing lights of the game, The Pull had been sated. Once again I played late, although it evoked the rage of my parents, and once again my homework lay forgotten. Now I sit here typing this and the pile of homework continues to grow, but something else is growing, something eternally hungry, The Pull.
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I loved it. The Pull is the bane of us all, and I have experienced it many times. This has happened to everyone, but nobody has skillfully put it down on paper like this.
I like how it seems to make the Pull seem alive. It seems like this greedy creature, growing more and more intelligent, and more and more tempting. It exerts it's power on all the creatures around it, and God help it's poor victims.
Some spacing would be good, but I am not sure where it should be put. Everything seems to fit together so cleanly, and I can't find any bits where you could end the paragraph.
There were a few unnecessary commas here and there, and I think the comma after the word 'hungry' in the last line should be substituted with a full stop.
I adore the last line. It sounds so grim, and makes the Pull seem so EVIL.
Good job!
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