Thanks to both of you for the comments, I appreciate analytical critique. I haven't got time to answer any points at the moment, but I'll try get round to it later this week. Especially with the amount of effort Savannah has put into my little story it would be rude not to!

So yeah, I'll respond soon, but all I'll say for now is that I agree with a lot that has been bought up, and that I think it's quite obvious that the last half of Chapter 2 and the whole of Chapter 3 are first drafts.