Playground Writers Workshop (Read 1st Post)

[Gullara]

Don't know how long ago this was.

Critique of The Pull

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I loved it. The Pull is the bane of us all, and I have experienced it many times. This has happened to everyone, but nobody has skillfully put it down on paper like this.
I like how it seems to make the Pull seem alive. It seems like this greedy creature, growing more and more intelligent, and more and more tempting. It exerts it's power on all the creatures around it, and God help it's poor victims.
Some spacing would be good, but I am not sure where it should be put. Everything seems to fit together so cleanly, and I can't find any bits where you could end the paragraph.
There were a few unnecessary commas here and there, and I think the comma after the word 'hungry' in the last line should be substituted with a full stop.
I adore the last line. It sounds so grim, and makes the Pull seem so EVIL.
Good job!

Thanks, I haven't gotten a lot of good reviews. I can see where the others are coming from when I reread it. Looking at it again I see some lines and wording I really like, but more I don't. I did just throw it together when I was board at school though.