Quit blushing, dang it!

[Fiery Diamond]

Hello everyone. In the last couple months I, who am a male college sophomore, have become good friends with a freshman girl at my college. In January, I started hanging out with her daily (and have kept that up, with a few exceptions). I have several issues, and I 1) would like to know whether any of you experience similar "problems" and 2) would like some advice on how to handle the situation.

First, when I start hanging out with someone on a regular basis as I become this person's friend, I tend to obsess about that person. This is true regardless of whether the new friend is a girl or a guy (and, btw, I am purely heterosexual). However, when the new friend is a girl, this tends to make people think I have a crush on the girl.

Second, I discovered that this particular girl is amazingly comfortable with hugs and glomps (and even playing with her hair) from friends. As I am a person who practically lives off of hugs (I have an emotional need met by such physical affection) and doesn't get very many at college, I was made very happy by this discovery, since I am also comfortable hugging friends.

Now for the real issue: Obviously, my obsession and hugging (my obsession only showing itself through the fact that I hang out with her practically all the time and that I talk about her frequently - making my obsession obvious to all but not inappropriate) have led many to believe that I have a crush on her. In fact, she is the only one who believes me that I don't. Now, this wouldn't bother me so much, except that one other girl who is with the two of us rather frequently (and who loves to torment me in many other ways I won't mention...good grief, she's such a sadist, but somehow still friends with my friend...) likes to continually make mention of my supposed crush and poke fun at me, etc. about it. Again, this wouldn't be such a big issue, but.... well, despite the fact that I don't have a crush on her, every time this other person tries to make me blush, I do. I can't help it, and I don't know why.

So, comments? Suggestions? Similar stories?

[JeminiZero]

Leaving aside the mysterious question on why you are blushing, your best bet is to make the blushing unnoticable.

Usually, a thick layer of makeup will conceal changes to the underlying skin colour. But since you are a man, its not likely to go down well.

A slighty more acceptable but subjective solution is to give yourself a nice dark suntan/sunburn, because lets face it its harder to tell that someone's face is turning red when its red or brown to start with.

If you have a flushing reaction to alcohol, relying on that to conceal blushing might also work, but comes with the probelm of semi-constant inebriation.

[UncleWolf]

Chances are, the friend you are talking about has already noticed it.
On what to do, I have no idea.

[Collin152]

Well, you won't blush so much with less blood; I proscribe leeches.

[averagejoe]

I had a sort-of similar problem once. I responded by not caring. I know it isn't the solution for everyone, but I find it works quite well.

What the heck is a "glomp?"

[Warpfire]

If you have a flushing reaction to alcohol, relying on that to conceal blushing might also work, but comes with the probelm of semi-constant inebriation.

Problem?

[purple gelatinous cube o' Doom]

Next time this other female friend starts to poke fun at you about the crush, just play along with it, and see if you can find something witty to say. Most of the time, people do these types of things because they know it will get a rise, or an unfavorable reaction out of you. But, if you can learn to laugh it off, she'll likely give up on making fun of the situation because it's generally no fun when you know that it's not a big deal to that person.

[afroakuma]

My life, in a nutshell, two years ago.

Yep. Definitely been there. You'll not want my outcome, though, because mine went beyond mere glomps; she kept pushing the uncomfortable envelope until eventually she tried something serious and I had to put a stop to it. All of it.

Doesn't help that I now have a crush on her.

In the meantime, I suggest you enjoy that you can have a positive non-sexual intimate relationship with this person. Being able to share your personal space, especially in ways that make you feel comfortable and appreciated, is a rare blessing.

[Grail]

Next time the 3rd party starts ribbin' you for having a crush on the plutonic friend, say "No, i've got a crush on you!".

[Trizap]

Yep. Definitely been there. You'll not want my outcome, though, because mine went beyond mere glomps; she kept pushing the uncomfortable envelope until eventually she tried something serious and I had to put a stop to it. All of it.

Doesn't help that I now have a crush on her.

In the meantime, I suggest you enjoy that you can have a positive non-sexual intimate relationship with this person. Being able to share your personal space, especially in ways that make you feel comfortable and appreciated, is a rare blessing.

aye, very rare, these days not a lot of people are able share to their personal space in a non-sexual manner like that.....I don't why, but that sounds kinda sad.

[Mando Knight]

What the heck is a "glomp?"

Ladies and Gentlemen, The Glomp.

[afroakuma]

aye, very rare, these days not a lot of people are able share to their personal space in a non-sexual manner like that.....I don't why, but that sounds kinda sad.

Societal pressures, hormones, the culture of sexual risk and sexual satisfaction, general level of trust and the current standard of mores. All major obstacles, and it's very sad, because it's become a knee-jerk reaction where contact is seen as sexual and needs to be reacted to as such a message.

Myself, I just hate being touched, so I was really appreciative of actually being able to share space with another person. I don't understand how or why it happened, but it made me happy and it made her happy. Our flaming faceted friend seems to have stumbled upon a similar openness, and I hope it remains a positive factor in his life.

[averagejoe]

Ladies and Gentlemen, The Glomp.

Ah, yes. Kids these days, amiright?

[Trizap]

Societal pressures, hormones, the culture of sexual risk and sexual satisfaction, general level of trust and the current standard of mores. All major obstacles, and it's very sad, because it's become a knee-jerk reaction where contact is seen as sexual and needs to be reacted to as such a message.

Myself, I just hate being touched, so I was really appreciative of actually being able to share space with another person. I don't understand how or why it happened, but it made me happy and it made her happy. Our flaming faceted friend seems to have stumbled upon a similar openness, and I hope it remains a positive factor in his life.

heh. then you are more social than me, cause while everyone else is talking to each other in groups and listening to music, I'm all alone enjoying the silence, thinking to myself. I like it that way actually, though I can see how people would enjoy being social and being with other people, me I dunno why, but I just prefer being a lone wolf. that and I'm kind awkward in social situations, your probably better off socially than I am

[thubby]

stop fighting her on it.
just laugh and roll with it. hasn't failed me yet.

[Don Julio Anejo]

Now, this wouldn't bother me so much, except that one other girl who is with the two of us rather frequently (and who loves to torment me in many other ways I won't mention...good grief, she's such a sadist, but somehow still friends with my friend...) likes to continually make mention of my supposed crush and poke fun at me, etc. about it.

Say that it's really HER that has a crush on your friend and she's trying to cover it up by saying that you do. Tell her it's OK, you're there for her and admitting her feelings will just make it easier for everyone... Also tell her that both you and your friend are perfectly OK with her being lesbian and you can help her come out of the closet

[afroakuma]

heh. then you are more social than me, cause while everyone else is talking to each other in groups and listening to music, I'm all alone enjoying the silence, thinking to myself. I like it that way actually, though I can see how people would enjoy being social and being with other people, me I dunno why, but I just prefer being a lone wolf. that and I'm kind awkward in social situations, your probably better off socially than I am

Not very. You'd be amazed what kind of an obstacle it is. I mean, I really hate being touched.

[JeminiZero]

Problem?

Because sometimes, you need to drive.

[Z-dan]

how strangely appropriate... three years ago I was in a similar situation, in which everyone thought we were married and the friend just thought of us as friends- and thanks to everyone constantly telling me what a great couple we make etc etc, I quickly developed a crush on them. Eventually things sorted themselves out, and I ended up with my current partner- and have been in a happy secure relationship for two and a half years... Then just a couple of days ago my old crush makes a revelation- that they'd developed a crush on me... so ja, much confusion

my advice to you, is ignore what other people say- it doesnt matter if you blush all the time cos so do I, and it isnt an instant sign that you're in love with someone. and be careful if you do start crushing on her, and also watch out for her crushing on you. and try not to get into the situation i'm in, with a loving partner and someone who's getting depressed cos they cant have me >.>

[Dallas-Dakota]

heh. then you are more social than me, cause while everyone else is talking to each other in groups and listening to music, I'm all alone enjoying the silence, thinking to myself. I like it that way actually, though I can see how people would enjoy being social and being with other people, me I dunno why, but I just prefer being a lone wolf. that and I'm kind awkward in social situations, your probably better off socially than I am

Ditto me that.
I love the silence, my chronic migraine doesn't make me love it any less.
Sadly there are few silent places where I can be alone, so I sometimes hang out with people in breaks between lessons.

[Canadian]

Do it with both of them. You'll never blush again. Plus you'll never hear any more of that crush talk. It's fun. You should try it.

[Warpfire]

Because sometimes, you need to drive.

Point.

Counterpoint: less constantly drunk friends.

Also, slightly on topic: Canadian gives good advice. Especially if he means at the same time.

[Jae]

From personal experience I've learned that somebody whose teasing you gets a lot more interested upon finding it's something you do NOT enjoy. If you don't like getting teased about this girl, you'll have to pretend like it doesn't bother you at all. Play along, even. If people think you've accepted it, they'll stop talking about it. Tell the girl you don't like your plan, though..if you play along with it she might think you like her, too, which you probably don't want.

Next time the 3rd party starts ribbin' you for having a crush on the plutonic friend, say "No, i've got a crush on you!".

or that works too.

I know it's not much of advice but, really, if you don't let it bother you it'll stop. and i should take my own advice

[Coidzor]

Are you sure you don't like her?

[Sneak]

Are you sure you don't like her?

...I didn't want to say it, but yeah...exactly what I was thinking.

[Player_Zero]

Well, you won't blush so much with less blood; I proscribe leeches.

Well played.

Good game all.

[Mando Knight]

having a crush on the plutonic friend,

You mean she's cold and distant and doesn't count as a planet anymore?

Back on topic: Congratulations. You now have a She's Not My Girlfriend situation, except where you both actually do admit being friendly to each other. From my point of view, you've got yourself a girlfriend.

[UncleWolf]

You mean she's cold and distant and doesn't count as a planet anymore?

Back on topic: Congratulations. You now have a She's Not My Girlfriend situation, except where you both actually do admit being friendly to each other. From my point of view, you've got yourself a girlfriend.

Yeah, I think this is the situation. You may as well admit it.
I've noticed that those who are quick to say that they don't have a crush on someone else usually do.

I wish you the best of luck.

[Coidzor]

...I didn't want to say it, but yeah...exactly what I was thinking.

Well, y'know. Seemed a tad knee-jerky, possibly more offended at people putting words in his mouth than actually having considered things through.

Which is all well and good. I'm not saying he likes her or doesn't like her. or if it's even a he-she situation. I know I got pretty angry at a friend of mine that I had a crush on for her seemingly out of the blue starting to say "I think of you as a brother" and that we were far too much friends to ever think of dating me. Partially since we weren't that close that I warranted being called a brother. And her own argument and the fact that she felt she had to preempt me trying to do something unpleasant to show my feelings for her showed that she didn't truly think of me as a brother.

Then again, she is from kentucky, but god I hope she didn't have to worry about relatives lusting after her.

Back to the point. Think things over. Don't let the decision be made for you by going with or going against what this person is putting pressure on you to do.

Make your own decision.

[Felixaar]

Well, you won't blush so much with less blood; I proscribe leeches.

I like it.

In seriousness though, eh - it doesnt matter. I also often blush when people accuse me of something embarassing, whether I've done it or not, in the same way innocent people get nervous and jittery when police are around. Even though you have nothing to hide, it's still easy to look as if you do.

I reccomend asking your other friend to stop. Nicely and first, pointedly if your demands are not met. If that doesn't work, Don Julio's advice would probably get her to shut up. Outside of that, just ignore it - people will go on thinking and saying what they want and theres nothing you can do to stop them, but they will sooner or later forget about it if you don't provide any entertaining reaction.