How Would They DM?

[PairO'Dice Lost]

The tangent below in another thread turned up an interesting question:

Spoiler

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Gaining 2 gp breaks Vow of Poverty

they just have to donate the gold.

That's contingent on not having Asmodeus for a DM, though.

If you had Asmodeus as a DM, you wouldn't fall for gaining gold--he'd almost tell you you fall, but reconsider at the last minute, and do this every time you gained anything valuable, leaving you stewing in terror every time you pass by something of value. That's more his style.

Mephistopheles, then.

What do you think the DMing styles of various iconic powers in the D&D cosmology would be? Would Olidammara include three bazillion traps in his dungeons? Would Orcus specialize all NPC wizards in Conjuration and Necromancy? How would Pelor handle resurrection?

You decide and tell us!

[Kzickas]

Illmater would be the dm of darths and droids

[Darcand]

Lloth would expect her players to immediately begin killing each other to see which one gets to be her favorite

[RTGoodman]

You know all those really stupid things that shouldn't work, but by RAW they do? Like drowning your dying friends to get them back to 0 HP (or whatever it is).

Yeah, that's the kind of game you get with Helm as a DM.

[13_CBS]

Yeah, that's the kind of game you get with Helm as a DM.

That might explain why Tyr killed him.

"What do you mean the kobold wills me out of existence?!"

[Xefas]

Bel would create a steady flow of new incoming houserules until one day you realize you've actually been playing a slightly refluffed variation of Warhammer Fantasy for the past 3 years.

Because that's the game he likes, but he was too shy to tell everyone outright.

Now, can you imagine him painting a Squig?

EDIT: "Graagh, godamnit! I keep getting the Liche Purple in the eyes! I wanted the eyes to be Scab Red! WHERE IS MY DETAIL BRUSH?!"

[quick_comment]

Hextor is the DM of the rings.

[oxybe]

a game with Boccob as GM would come grinding to a halt when a rule is questionned or brought to light (IE: how does X work again, how does Y work with Z, etc) and he secludes himself in his library for the next few weeks to search up the various references to the rule and the perimeter rules that could affect it and come to a ruling.

Kord would stage the grandest Hack'n'slash dungeon crawl ever. everyone who survives gets ale & wenches.

[Oracle_Hunter]

Personally, I'd like to have Crom as a DM

[Mando Knight]

Bahamut: every other encounter is against either a chromatic dragon or someone affiliated with them. RAW is rather strictly adhered to, and the circumstances of every part of the campaign favors Paladins and their friends.

[Darwin]

Ehlonna would demand for the game to be held outside, then proceed to tell you to stop squishing the ants crawling all over your character sheet.

[quick_comment]

Vecna would only DM paranoia.

[arguskos]

Vecna would only DM paranoia.

He would kill you for breaking character too, and would only accept $20's for mercy.

Savras would RP for you. When Beshaba DM's, you'll never roll better than a 5.

[AstralFire]

Ao (DM): As you pass the plague-ridden farm, you are filled with a sense of regret that you can do nothin-
Cleric: Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait.
Ao (DM): For?
Cleric: I'm a cleric, right?
Ao (DM): You think? What does it say on the sheet?
Cleric: Well... I prepared lots of Mass Remove Disease today.
Ninja: What? Why?
Cleric: Well... Ever since that unfortunate incident with you and the wererat-
Ninja: It was just ONE TIME. ONE TIME.
Wilder: It was fun nuking all of those little ugly yous-
Ninja: Shut up!
Cleric: Anyway, I was thinking I could help out with the crops and all.
Ao (DM): Look, you're an 18th level cleric. You've got more important crap to do than this. So, as you pass the plague-ridden farm-
Cleric: Look, I am Neutral Good. I don't care enough about this convocation I signed up for to mind being a little bit late so I can help the farm.
Ao (DM): You'll be more than a little bit late. There are uh... evil clerics holding the farm hostage.
Cleric: EVEN BETTER! XP! ROLL INITIATIVE!
Ninja: XP!
Crusader: XP!
Wilder: XP!
Ao (DM): Guys, look, I agreed to DM for you if you didn't-
Cleric: 31 on Init!
Ninja: 37!
Crusader: ...sigh... 17...
Ao (DM): That's it. Screw you guys. you can find a new DM.

- a month later -

Rogue (formerly Ninja): (in a monotone, tired voice) With a spin of his trusty shortsword, he spins and stabs the guy in the gut. Again.
Sharess (DM): ...-glares-...
Rogue (formerly Ninja): And uh... it's very graceful. Sword flashing in the setting sun and all that.
Sharess (DM): Such a beautiful description! Isn't this so much more fun than wasting time with complex rules, guys? Right, well, you get... 10 extra XP for such a vivid description!
Cleric: How close to level 3?
Sorcerer (formerly Wilder): Stop asking, you don't want to know...

[Zeta Kai]

Kord would stage the grandest Hack'n'slash dungeon crawl ever. everyone who survives gets ale & wenches.

I've had Kord as a DM before, & yeah, it's just like that. Only it's pizza & Coke. I can't complian, though, because he bought the food.

Erythnul would only DM F.A.T.A.L.

Olidammara would only DM World of Darkness.

[Lost Demiurge]

Bane would DM first edition. ONLY first edition. If you didn't have the rules, he would make you buy them. With your own money. Gods help anyone who dares to show up with a printed out torrent...

You would sit at your designated spot at the table, and be there at precisely 1500 on thursdays. Any deviations would not be tolerated.

The strongest player would be designated the enforcer. If you were late, he would go out and find you, and ensure that you are ENCOURAGED to be on time. If the enforcer fails, then he himself is disciplined.

Bane would not run for females. They would be relegated to serving refreshments for the players.

You would NOT roll dice until Bane asked you to roll.

You would NOT infringe on another player's space, or Bane's space. You would have a two-foot by one-foot area of tabletop to work with. That is all.

He would put a veneer of roleplaying over the game, but ultimately you have no real choice in major campaign issues. The plot would be a railroad, full of fighting. Lots of fighting.

Mind you, the fights would be awesome and accompanied by dark riffs on Bane's electric guitar, and be full of ROCK, but eventually you will realize that they're pretty meaningless. But by then you'll be too busy surviving.

Oh, and if you show that you're a rules-lawyer or powergamer, he will laugh and claim your soul.

"You were mine to begin with, little man... This simply makes it official."

[RTGoodman]

Personally, I'd like to have Crom as a DM

Yeah, but when you show up before Crom for sessions, it's always "What is the Riddle of this?" and "What is the Riddle of that?" and when you don't know, he casts you out of his house and laughs at you!

I hate when DMs throws puzzles at you!

Sidenote: I've watched both Conan the Barbarian AND Conan the Destroyer in the past two day. ;-)

[Belobog]

Olidammara would only DM World of Darkness.

Does this mean Ioun would only run Mage?

(Boccob, of course, would be too lame to run anything.)

[Doc Roc]

Bel would create a steady flow of new incoming houserules until one day you realize you've actually been playing a slightly refluffed variation of Warhammer Fantasy for the past 3 years.

Because that's the game he likes, but he was too shy to tell everyone outright.

Now, can you imagine him painting a Squig?

"Graagh, godamnit! I keep getting the Liche Purple in the eyes! I wanted the eyes to be Scab Red! WHERE IS MY DETAIL BRUSH?!"

Sigged in total.

Edit: Had to clip it to keep my sig of legal length. :S

[Tiki Snakes]

Bane would DM first edition. ONLY first edition. If you didn't have the rules, he would make you buy them. With your own money. Gods help anyone who dares to show up with a printed out torrent...

You would sit at your designated spot at the table, and be there at precisely 1500 on thursdays. Any deviations would not be tolerated.

The strongest player would be designated the enforcer. If you were late, he would go out and find you, and ensure that you are ENCOURAGED to be on time. If the enforcer fails, then he himself is disciplined.

Bane would not run for females. They would be relegated to serving refreshments for the players.

You would NOT roll dice until Bane asked you to roll.

You would NOT infringe on another player's space, or Bane's space. You would have a two-foot by one-foot area of tabletop to work with. That is all.

He would put a veneer of roleplaying over the game, but ultimately you have no real choice in major campaign issues. The plot would be a railroad, full of fighting. Lots of fighting.

Mind you, the fights would be awesome and accompanied by dark riffs on Bane's electric guitar, and be full of ROCK, but eventually you will realize that they're pretty meaningless. But by then you'll be too busy surviving.

Oh, and if you show that you're a rules-lawyer or powergamer, he will laugh and claim your soul.

"You were mine to begin with, little man... This simply makes it official."

I imagine 4th ed generic bane would be a little different from the above. He'd run something like Iron Kingdoms or Conan, something very martial. He'd be damn strict, probably insist on making decisions in real-time, and so on.

But I see him allowing you to choose your own direction in the world, (as long as it involved conquest, fighting, conflict etc.) but the world would be bleak, disordered, crying out for a strong fist to guide it.

Of course, anyone who failed to be interested in raising armies would earn his displeasure. You'd be taken into a side room, and be told in no uncertain terms why you are a bad person, weak and pathetic. Shape up or ship out, soldier.

Anyone who manages to stand a chance against the genius military manouvering of the BBEG's forces would be promptly enlisted, of course. :)

[Fiendish_Dire_Moose]

Malcontet would be either the worst, or best DM ever.
See, her games would involve 1 of 2 scenarios.

Scenario1:
Everyone plays a bard. The group has to go to a great big Bard get together. Then, well, because they're bards, everyone is seducing everyone thinking they have the upper hand in some sort of mind game.
After this big event, everyone leaves confused, excepting the bards, whom leave for some reason they can't possibly understand, feeling sexually satisfied, whether or not they got laid.

Scenario2:
[censored]

Yeah. Probably something like that, my money is on scenario 2.

[quick_comment]

Pun-pun would run games of munchkin.

Every game with Mystra would be the same. Stuff would happen, and then Eleminster would come save you.

[Doc Roc]

Actually, Pun-Pun would run D&D 3.5. And does.

I suggest to you that Pun-Pun is the reference implementation of the DaD-GM-3.X.X standard, and represents the classically accepted mid-range practical optimization settings, including some of the more popular fixes for bad classes.

It's the Air Weirds that I worry about, personally.

[ZeroNumerous]

(Boccob, of course, would be too lame to run anything.)

Bah, screw that. The Uncaring would run whatever, whenever and for whomever. The only downside is that all his games contain no story and he doesn't care whether the PCs live or die.

[Doc Roc]

I posit that they contain every story, and he doesn't care if the players themselves go mad or not.

[quick_comment]

Is there a Kafka-esque god?


"Strange things happen, you feel alone and helpless in an uncaring and vast universe"

[Doc Roc]

Pelor, you mean? ;)

Serious answer: I'm not pulling any good ones off the top of my head. The deities of madness always seem to devolve into sociopathic killers in forgotten realms, rather than what I more closely associate with a descent into insanity which is Kafka, HP Lovecraft, and Skip Williams.

[HamsterOfTheGod]

What do you think the DMing styles of various iconic powers in the D&D cosmology would be? Would Olidammara include three bazillion traps in his dungeons? Would Orcus specialize all NPC wizards in Conjuration and Necromancy? How would Pelor handle resurrection?

You decide and tell us!

Player: Hey that's not fair. I really don't want my character to fall like that.
Asmodeus: But I have no choice, see? I have to follow the rules. I am lawful after all and 2 gp is 2 gp...
Player: Please...
Asmodeus: Well, I'm we can come to some arrangement...

Player: Hey that's not fair. I really don't want my character to fall like that.
Llolth: But the game is all about the choices nad chance. You choose an action. Then you roll the dice...
Player: Please...
Llolth: Well, I'm we can come to some arrangement...

[The New Bruceski]

Vecna would be constantly screwing players for not knowing every little detail. "Of COURSE the third chest was trapped. Everyone knows that Organile the Green dragon detests the number three, because of the three heroes that killed her mate! Lose six levels as the dark energies suck out your soul. Oh yeah, lose your soul too."

[RTGoodman]

Oh yeah, lose your soul too."

And that's OUT of character.


For some other deities:

-The Raven Queen: Every game ends with a TPK. When players complain, she explains that it's just their Fate.

-Moradin: He's all about Creation - the system is one he made, the classes/races/spells are all homebrewed, and gods forbid you bring a miniature and dice that you didn't forge/carve yourself!

-Tiamat: Whoever tempts her with the best stuff gets the best in-game loot. Cheetos and Mountain Dew don't count.