Unglued Magic Items [4E]

[jamminjelly]

Any of you who are familiar with Magic the Gathering know that the unglued set of magic cards were all complete jokes. Whether they were useless or obviously overpowered they were all funny. Post your ideas for an unglued magic item here.

Example:

Gloves of the Clumsy (Level 4)
These worn leather gloves shine with imprinted runes. They channel the grace of a short lived acrobat.
Level 4: 840gp
Item Slot: Hands
Power (Daily): Immediate interrupt. Trigger: You fail an acrobatics check. Effect: Reroll the check, use neither result.

[Grynning]

Charm of the Drunken (Dungeon) Master
Wondrous Item
Level 1: $8.97 at Twin Liquors
Gain a +1 item bonus to Bluff and Diplomacy checks for each liquid stain found on your character sheet, the battle mat, or coffee table. You must have bought booze tonight to gain this bonus.
Power (Daily): The item teleports into the possession of the character belonging to the person who brought the beer for the session.

[herrhauptmann]

Breastplate of Charm DM.
2 per day, convince the DM to make a ruling in your favor. "Attack was a crit for max" or "No those monsters actually decide to wait 5 minutes after you kill the dragon to attack you. And they make sure to not sneak up on you so you know to buff"

[infinitypanda]

Eternal Bag of Universal Solvent.

...what?

[LurkerInPlayground]

4e needs cursed items.

Sure, players can get unambiguously beneficial treasure, but that doesn't exactly complicate their lives.

[MCerberus]

Gloves of Justifiability (level 2)
Power(Daily): Immediate interrupt (and we do mean interrupt) Trigger: someone at the table begins to make poorly thought out comparisons between 4e and certain videogames using no evidence other than what they got from the bandwagon.

Target: 1 target in melee range
Effect: Target is silenced (save ends)

[Ravens_cry]

Any of you who are familiar with Magic the Gathering know that the unglued set of magic cards were all complete jokes. Whether they were useless or obviously overpowered they were all funny. Post your ideas for an unglued magic item here.

Example:

Gloves of the Clumsy (Level 4)
These worn leather gloves shine with imprinted runes. They channel the grace of a short lived acrobat.
Level 4: 840gp
Item Slot: Hands
Power (Daily): Immediate interrupt. Trigger: You fail an acrobatics check. Effect: Reroll the check, use neither result.

Hmmm. I interpret that as saying, once a day, if you fail an acrobatics check, you don't make that check, You don't get the good results for succeeding, but you don't get the bad results for failing. It's like you never actually made the check. You have absolutely no chance to succeed, but also absolutely no chance to fail and fall to your death either. Would be useful for those situations where life throws you a one and losing an action isn't exactly damning.

[Grynning]

Hmmm. I interpret that as saying, once a day, if you fail an acrobatics check, you don't make that check, You don't get the good results for succeeding, but you don't get the bad results for failing. It's like you never actually made the check. You have absolutely no chance to succeed, but also absolutely no chance to fail and fall to your death either. Would be useful for those situations where life throws you a one and losing an action isn't exactly damning.

The point is not for the items to be useless, just to be completely silly and not follow existing mechanics. Many of the Unglued cards were actually quite functional in play, and in some cases mechanically very good, they would just never make it into an actual MtG set.

Edit: In other words, don't over-analyze. Just go with the joke

[Artanis]

The point is not for the items to be useless, just to be completely silly and not follow existing mechanics. Many of the Unglued cards were actually quite functional in play, and in some cases mechanically very good, they would just never make it into an actual MtG set.

The minotaur with Denimwalk comes to mind.

[jamminjelly]

Ring of Third Chances
Power (Daily) Immediate interrupt. Trigger: You don't like the result of a reroll Effect: Reroll that reroll, and if you don't like that one, well then just reroll that one too. It's cool.

[AgentPaper]

Gloves of the Munchies
The fingertips of these leather gloves are always covered with a layer of yellowish-orange substance, which leave permanent marks on anything touched.
Level 30: 3,125,000g OR 1 package of Oreos.
Property: Whenever you force an enemy to move, he becomes covered in a strange, yellowish-orange substance and cannot do anything but try to remove it. (save ends)

Power (daily): Throw any snacks you are currently holding in your hands onto the table. Any figures knocked over by these snacks are slid to wherever they end up and take 8d6 + 30 damage. Any figures that fall off the table are removed from existence.

[Kurald Galain]

Shiny distracting coin (wondrous item, level 8)

Power (daily, immediate interrupt): throw a shiny distracting coin at the DM. The DM may make a saving throw to catch it; if he does, nothing happens. If he fails, while he is searching for the coin on the ground, you may rearrange the minis on the battlefield, but if it's too obvious you must pay for the pizza that night.

[Hal]

Shiny distracting coin (wondrous item, level 8)

Power (daily, immediate interrupt): throw a shiny distracting coin at the DM. The DM may make a saving throw to catch it; if he does, nothing happens. If he fails, while he is searching for the coin on the ground, you may rearrange the minis on the battlefield, but if it's too obvious you must pay for the pizza that night.

This is also replicated by the 1st level human encounter power, "Hey! Look over there!"

[BloodyAngel]

For useless or silly magic items, it's easiest to just be VERY literal about items that already exist. For instance the mighty ring of jumping, which upon command... jumps twice it's height into the air. Yes, that's right... you can make a small piece of jewelry hop roughly an inch under it's own power.

Or a magic item I remember having show up in 2nd ed. The robe of blending! Now with two settings, puree and liquify. I also recall our party making an elaborate plan to trick a bad guy into wearing it. I also recall it not working.

[jamminjelly]

Ring of ring of protection protection (Level 1)
Power (Encounter) Effect: Negate the effects of all rings of protection until the end of your next turn.

[Mewtarthio]

Bane of the Ancients
Level 25

Property: This sword completely ignores the damage reduction of any Chaotic Good or Lawful Evil Outsider

[jamminjelly]

Sword of Balance (Level 5)
Property: This weapon grants a +5 power bonus to all attack and damage rolls. This bonus is reduced by 1 ever time a player complains about the sword being overpowered.

[Ravens_cry]

Edit: In other words, don't over-analyze. Just go with the joke

Sorry, over analyzing is part of my side to my sense of humour.

[Shadow_Elf]

Banhammer
Level 25/30 Magic Item
+5/+6
Weapons: Hammers
Property: Any Immortal or Elemental hit with an attack delivered by this hammer is banished (save ends). While banished, it must sit and skulk in a corner and consider its eternal life and the choices it has made. Gods or Primordials hit with this weapon take a -5 penalty to the saving throw, since they have a lot more to consider than anyone else.
Power: Daily Use when this hammer's property activates. The target is actually banished, forever, to the middle of nothing.

[The Glyphstone]

The minotaur with Denimwalk comes to mind.

I remember that card. It earned an official apology direct from the WotC Card Design team for all players of MtG, because they unintentionally created a card that encouraged opponents to take their pants off.

[Hal]

Bread of Wonder
Level 1 Wondrous Item
Property: Soft. Fluffy. Delicious.

[Grey Watcher]

Bane of the Ancients
Level 25

Property: This sword completely ignores the damage reduction of any Chaotic Good or Lawful Evil Outsider

This one is awesome.

[Sholos]

Best card in the Unglued set was "The Ultimate Nightmare of Wizards of the Coast Customer Service". That and "Burning Cinder Fury of Crimson Chaos Fire".

That said, the Ring of Random Translocation. Anyone within 100 squares of the wearer who takes an action (any action) has their position switched with a random person also within 100 squares of the wearer. The wearer can be the one whose position is switched, and can activate the ring with actions. Anyone who does not take an action for one minute is dealt untyped damage equal to 15% of their max HP. Any items activated take effect, and then switch owners in a similar manner.

I can't believe I forgot the Infernal Spawn of Evil

[Yakk]

Odd Little Doll
Property: While this item is in your possession, reroll any die that comes up with an odd result.
Daily: Pretend an even number is odd, or an odd number is even.