What kind of crazy pork chop is this?!

[Tiki Snakes]

So, I'm running a planar campaign as of last night. Near the end of the session, our Dwarven Airship Captain's pet miniature wild boar was exposed to the raw essence of the Far Realm.

Jokes were had. The ever optimistic player of the Dwarf in question suggested that maybe it would develop the ability to talk. I countered with the idea that it would expand into a mountain of flesh, like the end sequence of akira, or that he would find it is now entirely made of mouths.

I'm as yet undecided. So, here's where you guys come in;

Mutate My Pig.
Go Hog-Wild!

[Sstoopidtallkid]

basic response: Pseudonatural template from CArc.

Fun response: Dire Pseudonatural Boar were-platypus with levels in Warshaper for extra tentacle attacks.

[Serpentine]

Every so often, an effect similar to the Rod of Wonder (or Greater Rod of Wonder) happens to it, determined randomly. For example, it may suddenly be covered in grass, cough up gems, or be followed around by a swarm of butterflies. No effect does permanent damage to it - for example, a fireball effect may cause it to explode, but a moment later it will reassemble itself and look like nothing happened.

[Leon]

Every so often, an effect similar to the Rod of Wonder (or Greater Rod of Wonder) happens to it, determined randomly. For example, it may suddenly be covered in grass, cough up gems, or be followed around by a swarm of butterflies. No effect does permanent damage to it - for example, a fireball effect may cause it to explode, but a moment later it will reassemble itself and look like nothing happened.

I second this suggestion

[term1nally s1ck]

^^^THAT.

Pig of Wonder

[SaintRidley]

Thirding the Pig of Wonder.

[Vitruviansquid]

Yo dawg, we put a dire boar in your boar, so you can eat a pig while you get eaten by pig!

[Lycanthromancer]

Don't you mean the Hog of Wonder?

Pimp my hog, yo!

Okay, okay. I'll stop hogging the spotlight now.

[Thajocoth]

You can't just change the mechanics of the pig, like some are suggesting. It needs to look mutated too!

Imagine a pig with 6 legs (4 normal ones and an extra pair in the middle), 2 tails (side by side), 4 eyes (two sets, one just above the other), 3 nostrils (the extra one is in the middle of the snout, but up a little, forming the points of an equilateral triangle), and either a mouth in it's mouth (Alien style), or a forked tongue (almost like 2 separate tongues, and unusually long). Have none of that effect game mechanics. Also make it a Wonder Pig, as suggested earlier, which certainly would effect game mechanics.

[Eurus]

I almost think that the Hog of Wonder might be more impressive if it looked completely normal. Y'know, when not turning itself strange colors or belching clouds of butterflies.

[sofawall]

You can't just change the mechanics of the pig, like some are suggesting. It needs to look mutated too!

Imagine a pig with 6 legs (4 normal ones and an extra pair in the middle), 2 tails (side by side), 4 eyes (two sets, one just above the other), 3 nostrils (the extra one is in the middle of the snout, but up a little, forming the points of an equilateral triangle) and none of that has any effect on game mechanics. Also make it a Wonder Pig, as suggested earlier, which would effect game mechanics.

Wonder Pig must remain looking like a normal pig. It will make the players really cautious about what might have changed.

[term1nally s1ck]

But then it shrinks to 1/12 of it's size, and breathes fire 100 feet forward, and they FREAK. Personally, I would make it an encounter for the party, but make it actually undefeatable. It uses RoW effects, but only say 20 before it stops. It does not attack them except with RoW effects, and the RoW effects (including any/all deaths/damage to the PCs) wear off 1 hour after it runs out of effects or dies. However, if they kill it, it respawns with another 20 effects to use, at full stats, but an extra 10 HP from the last incarnation

If your party plays it badly, they could spend a long time fighting the
PIG OF WONDER
and panic slightly about a lot of it. Even better, make it a greater Rod of Wonder, and it might well summon some huge creatures on them. Again, if the party is killed, they return to their original states 1 hour after the pig runs out of effects, at which point it returns to being a normal pig.

[Heliomance]

Base response: Pseudonatural template from Complete Arcane.

Fun response: Pseudonatural template from Epic Level Handbook.

[Serpentine]

You can't just change the mechanics of the pig, like some are suggesting. It needs to look mutated too!

What if all the non-explodey effects remained indefinitely or until removed, until "dispel magic" turned up?

Grassy hog...

[AslanCross]

Every so often, an effect similar to the Rod of Wonder (or Greater Rod of Wonder) happens to it, determined randomly. For example, it may suddenly be covered in grass, cough up gems, or be followed around by a swarm of butterflies. No effect does permanent damage to it - for example, a fireball effect may cause it to explode, but a moment later it will reassemble itself and look like nothing happened.

Best suggestion ever. Sounds more like something that the Slaadi would do, though, since the Far Realm is more madness and tentacle raep than completely random "pants yellow booking the running" weirdness, but this is just too hilarious to pass up.

Alternatively you could make the effects a great deal more unsettling.
1. The pig smiles crookedly out of the corner of a PC's eye.
2. It randomly coughs up gems, which explode into slimy protoplasm/swarms of leeches/alien parasites when held.
3. It develops the same regenerative ability that trolls had in the Drizzt novels: an arm cut off from the troll grows a whole new body.
4. Tentacles.
5. Whenever a PC opens a cabinet, he finds the maggot-infested, fly-swarmed head of the pig on a stake. The head shrieks and bites the PC, but vanishes and actually deals no harm.
...etc.

...this has good potential to become a horror campaign all of a sudden.

[daggaz]

Pig of Wonder?? People, please. This is the far realms we are talking about here. Its not some kind of leprachauny fey prank pulled on your pig by the God of Puppets. The akira suggestion is far more inline with the stark unreality of this kind of taint.

I would say it turns into some kind of churning, ever growing mound of pigfleshmouths with much the same properties as a chaos beast.. It begins expanding rapidly, and the party does their best to nuke it, where it apparently dies.

What they dont realize is that small particles of the pigbeast are contaminating everything around it, even the grass, and that these changes are not evident immediately. An underground river courses nearby, feeding into a major waterway, which then contaminates the campaign worlds largest kingdom, including the most populous cities.

The effects are subtle, and slow, but horrifying as they begin to unfold. Entire towns are mutated into pulsating masses of feeder blobs. The city of wonders is corrupted into some alien H.G. Geiger orgy of horrendous proportions, something which puts the realms of the Slaad to utter shame, and which even the demons shy away from. The contamination is truly epic, and it is up to the party find a cure. Time travel is going to be a must here. Of course, they face infection at every turn, and many of the gods deem the world a waste, placing the party at its source and requiring their souls as a key to the cleansing process.

[Sliver]

Every so often, an effect similar to the Rod of Wonder (or Greater Rod of Wonder) happens to it, determined randomly. For example, it may suddenly be covered in grass, cough up gems, or be followed around by a swarm of butterflies. No effect does permanent damage to it - for example, a fireball effect may cause it to explode, but a moment later it will reassemble itself and look like nothing happened.

Far realms or not, this idea is awesome and I will try to fit it somewhere in my campaign..

[d13]

N-thing the Pig of Wonder.

[Lapak]

The Pig of Wonder is by far my favorite idea.

If you MUST do something more horrific in line with the Far Realm business, leave the pig alone. It is, after all, just a pig, even if it does have the essence of the Far Realm in it. In fact, the utterly banal nature of a simple pig may be what causes the random effects: there are few creatures more plain and earthy than pigs, and the madness-realm swirling up against the Piggish Nature generates bizarre happenings without affecting the beast itself.

Of course, every cult of the old gods, mindflayer collective, Horror From Beyond, mad scientist, mad arcanist, and loony off the street is going to start showing up and trying to abscond with the Avatar of the Far Realm in short order. I'm picturing a gang of hooded cultists battling with a rogue mindflayer in psuedo-scientific regalia in a dark alley while the party passes by, more or less oblivious until they encounter the aftermath of such battles.

[Djinn_in_Tonic]

Pig of Wonder?? People, please. This is the far realms we are talking about here. Its not some kind of leprachauny fey prank pulled on your pig by the God of Puppets. The akira suggestion is far more inline with the stark unreality of this kind of taint.

I would say it turns into some kind of churning, ever growing mound of pigfleshmouths with much the same properties as a chaos beast.. It begins expanding rapidly, and the party does their best to nuke it, where it apparently dies.

What they dont realize is that small particles of the pigbeast are contaminating everything around it, even the grass, and that these changes are not evident immediately. An underground river courses nearby, feeding into a major waterway, which then contaminates the campaign worlds largest kingdom, including the most populous cities.

The effects are subtle, and slow, but horrifying as they begin to unfold. Entire towns are mutated into pulsating masses of feeder blobs. The city of wonders is corrupted into some alien H.G. Geiger orgy of horrendous proportions, something which puts the realms of the Slaad to utter shame, and which even the demons shy away from. The contamination is truly epic, and it is up to the party find a cure. Time travel is going to be a must here. Of course, they face infection at every turn, and many of the gods deem the world a waste, placing the party at its source and requiring their souls as a key to the cleansing process.

This. You did say it was exposed to the RAW ESSENCE OF THE FAR REALMS. The MotP mentions, briefly, a cabal of wizards who managed to make a safe, secure study area in the Realms, protected by immensely powerful magical barriers...they returned with their brains literally full of spiders, yet still functioning as sentient (albeit Far Realms crazy) beings. And that's what happens within an area protected by the spells of an entire cabal of wizards. Exposure to the raw essence should be FAR worse.

[BRC]

2 words
Rocket Pig.

[Djinn_in_Tonic]

2 words
Rocket Pig.

2 better words:
Spider Pig

"Can he swing from a web?
No he can't, he's a pig..."

[BRC]

2 better words:
Spider Pig

"Can he swing from a web?
No he can't, he's a pig..."

Spider Rocket Pig?

[Temet Nosce]

First off, it causes him to die. His dead body however, smells delicious and it requires will saves to stop from cooking and consuming him. After this, you have a new and much more fun conundrum... What happens to your players after consuming the raw essence of the far realms?

[Somewhere]

Make it super sane, not unlike the Joker
And dress the pig up like a Victorian era gentleman

[BRC]

The PC's notice nothing wrong about the pig. It seems perfectly normal to them. Little piggy nose, curly tail, 18 eyes, writhing tentacles, seven mouths babbling a language of madness.

You know, just like them...

[Melamoto]

You're going to have trouble with the RAW essence of the Far Planes, there really aren't many actual rules about it. You'll just have to go RAI on this one.

On a serious note, the pig would become some kind of abomination. I suggest applying completely random templates to him until he reaches a near epic-epic CR. Allow any kind of templates that actually effect the pig, even if they contradict each other, such as Celestial and Fiendish.

[Fastmover]

Has anyone ever seen that episode of Zim Alien Invader where they had that nuclear explosion that was moving extremely slow?

have the pig burp and fart time stopped fireballs or growing orbs of fire or something like that. So it just keeps growing and growing until it reaches its limit.

heh

[Oslecamo]

Best thread I've seen on a while

Now, if I only could find oficial pig stats so I could mutate them...

[Vizzerdrix]

I support pig of wonder, but with a twist. If someone scares the piggy, it panics and goes pseudonatural.