Wealth in Chickens

[Kosjsjach]

I was fiddling with a homebrew currency alternative (or more precisely, a javascript conversion program; suffice it to say I find the notion of purchasing a 1st-level potion for a pound of gold a bit absurd), and I noticed something rather amusing.

According to the DMG (and the SRD), a chicken costs 2 copper pieces.

Now this doesn't seem very silly until you start measuring wealth by how many chickens you could purchase with it. For example, the aforementioned potion (50gp) is equivalent to two-thousand five-hundred chickens.

That's a lot of chickens.

A masterwork weapon will cost fifteen-thousand more chickens than its non-masterwork counterpart, and a +1 enhancement will cost an additional one hundred thousand chickens (for a total of 115,750 chickens for a simple +1 longsword.)

I know this'll be a short-lived gag, but just for fun, go pick something from the PHB or DMG or MIC (or my favorite, A&EG)... and convert its price to chickens.

Or if you want to try variety, use something else as a base. For example, a pig is another trade good valued at 3gp.

Go ahead, try it. I swear it's fun.

[Sinfire Titan]

Any item with a price tag: Free thanks to Chicken Infested.



Seriously, no DnD thread can mention the word Chicken without that flaw being mentioned within 50 posts.

[Kosjsjach]

Any item with a price tag: Free thanks to Chicken Infested.



Seriously, no DnD thread can mention the word Chicken without that flaw being mentioned within 50 posts.

Then it's a good thing it's out of the way.

Y'hear that, everyone? Chicken-Infested has been covered!

[Flickerdart]

The standard treasure reward for a 1st level encounter is 300. The standard Goblin is CR 1/3. That means any Goblin you care to name has in its possession the equivalent of five thousand chickens.

[Scoot]

3,000,000 chickens for a Zeppelin.

Or 6,000 cows.

Either one is a bargain in my book.

[Sinfire Titan]

Then it's a good thing it's out of the way.

Y'hear that, everyone? Chicken-Infested has been covered!

OK good. Now please excuse me while I ruin the Poultry Economy.

[mr.fizzypop]

What about an item that's worth 1cp?

[Lycan 01]

That's where eggs come in, my friend...

[FirebirdFlying]

Get two. One for you, and one for your chickens.

[Kosjsjach]

What about an item that's worth 1cp?

The only trade good valued at 1cp is a pound of wheat, and I find it's just better to imagine a wide expanse covered in chickens than a huge heap o' wheat.

(Keep in mind, non-trade goods are sold back to merchants at half their buying price, so they don't work as well for the experiment.)

[sonofzeal]

Any item with a price tag: Free thanks to Chicken Infested.



Seriously, no DnD thread can mention the word Chicken without that flaw being mentioned within 50 posts.

Seriously, 50? I'd put money that the average is 5 or less. It might be fun, actually, trying to design treads with "Chicken" in the title that don't get Chicken Infested mentioned.

Best odds are probably on something like "Playing Chicken with Edition Wars".

[TheCountAlucard]

I know this'll be a short-lived gag, but just for fun, go pick something from the PHB or DMG or MIC (or my favorite, A&EG)... and convert its price to chickens.

Firewood gets you half a chicken. So will a candle, a torch, or a piece of chalk... a mug, whetstone, or clay pitcher is worth exactly one chicken, while an empty flask or clay jug is worth one-and-a-half chickens, and a ladder is two-and-a-half.
A casting of wish could provide you with one million, two hundred fifty thousand chickens... or fifty pounds of platinum. Or twenty-five thousand tons of firewood.

[Jarawara]

I have a friend who trades the markets. He translates all trade profits into how many McDonald's Quarterpounders he made or lost on a trade.

I've never seen his physique - I can only hope he's just using that as an analogy, and not an actual monetary guide to life.

[Splendor]

Side note...

I always though it was funny that a pig costs 3gp but 1lb of bacon costs 4gp.

Is on pig really worth 150 chickens? or 1lb of bacon worth 200 chickens?
You could always be fed with 150 chickens but how long would only 1 pig last.

[Crow]

What book is Chicken-Infested in?

[Beorn080]

Plus, pigs are pretty much a one shot resource. I can't recall ever hearing of a pig product that didn't result from butchering it, yet chickens produce eggs, and cows milk.

I think the real question is this. Is it more cost effective to buy a scroll of stinking cloud, or simply start jamming chickens into the mouth of the cave and throw a wall of stone over the entrance? The only problem I could see with the chickens is that they would need to be solidly packed into the entrance.

[Kosjsjach]

While I am amused, I'm also dismayed that so few have actually named something and priced it in chickens (or goats, or firewood, or buffalo jerky (45gp/lb, for those that were wondering)).

I might end up regretting it, but here. According to the Arms and Equipment Guide, an ounce of Elderberries costs 1sp. I'll endure a Holy Grail quote if someone'll just convert it to something.

[josh13905]

The only trade good valued at 1cp is a pound of wheat, and I find it's just better to imagine a wide expanse covered in chickens than a huge heap o' wheat.

However you're missing a very important fact. Wheat is flammable.

1. Buy all the wheat you can
2. Store in enemy castle
3. Light on fire.

Alternatively,

1. Breed new species of flame immune chickens
2. Purchase Airship
3. Fly over Town with chicken
4. Set chickens on fire
5. Dump Chickens overboard and watch the city panic.
6. Flaming Chickenpalooza!

[Sinfire Titan]

What book is Chicken-Infested in?

It's from a Dragon Magazine. An April Fool's issue. It's a Commoner-only flaw that makes it so they have a percentage chance of pulling a chicken out instead of whatever they were going to grab. Give him Quickdraw, a Spell Component Pouch full of Clubs (of which there will be infinite), and he can literally bring about a flood of chickens.

[Elfin]

If you insist...a +5 Vorpal greatsword is worth ten million, seventeen thousand, five hundred chickens.

[Kosjsjach]

If you insist...a +5 Vorpal greatsword is worth ten million, seventeen thousand, five hundred chickens.

Thank you.

[Beorn080]

Alright, a single scroll of stinking cloud is 375 GP. That's 18750 chickens. Now transportation issues aside, it seems more cost effective to dump 10000 dead chickens into the goblin caves and wait for them to drown in their own vomit.

[Randel]

Make a Create Food and Water trap, then build it into a gigantic factory farm where you raise chickens (might need some kind of thing for cure disease what with so many chickens in one place).

7,500 gp gives the resetting trap (which equates to 375,000 chickens in cost).

It can feed 216000 human a day, or at least three times that amount in chickens. (648,000 chickens).

Thus, once you set up the Create Food trap then all you need is a sufficient starting number of chickens and you can feed them until they start reproducing. Then just keep about 600,000 of them in circulation laying eggs and send out the ones who start to get old or something.

And congratulations, you've got your very own perpetual motion Chicken Factory! Just sit back and let that initial investment provide a perpetual steady supply of money... sweet, feathery, clucking, egg-laying money!


And since the Create Food trap makes food that only lasts 24 hours, it in itself isn't that useful for running an economy. However, by using it to feed chickens that lay eggs then it becomes a bit more useful. You have your giant Chicken Factory sending out chickens (they would require feed to keep them alive so the people who get them would either have to feed them or eat them. Thus, your national chicken currency has a tendency to move around quickly).

Plus, the copper piece would be replaced by infertile eggs (since you've got at least 600,000 chicken of which most of them should be laying an egg a day) so that's 6,000 gp getting sent out a day which means the trap should pay for itself on the first day of full production!


And with access to some more spells, you can use a permanant Wall of Fire to heat up a huge pot, thus letting you boil 600,000 eggs a day to ship out all over (or maybe use ice magic to make ice blocks to provide the refridgeration to move all the eggs or chicken meat around).

With the Fell Animate metamagic and Destructive Retribution, you can use magic to kill lots of chickens and turn them into zombies that explode with negative energy when destroyed!

A necromantic society would find this invaluable! First, each exploding zombie chicken would be able to act as walking landmine, just plant them somewhere and tell them to suicide bomb any pesky heroes or non-undead armies that come by. Each one deals about 1d6 of negative energy damage to adjacent enemies. Not too shaby.

Plus, the negative energy heals undead! Each exploding zombie chicken is basically a cheap Inflict Light Wounds to heal undead, or a group of undead that stand around it! Exploding Undead Chickens don't expire either, so once your giant chicken factory goes into full swing then you can just Fell Animate them when they come out and stockpile the zombies in a vault somewhere and sell them.

Every intelligent undead would want an exploding zombie chicken or so around to heal themselves with or provide some extra damage and protection. It would be a since to convince them to accept exploding zombie chickens as payment for stuff and due to constant production and their ability to stay functional forever then they become the best currency ever!

Plus, they are self-guarding! If you're undead and keep your wealth in exploding zombie chickens instead of gold then who would rob you?


Adventurers: All right you vampire, prepare to die!

Vampire: All right, all right. I give up. You may take my money just don't harm me.

Adventurers: Um, okay. Where do you keep your loot?

Vampire: Just over there in that vault, its not even locked.

Adventurers: Okay... lets just open it up and HOLY COW, ITS FULL OF ZOMBIE CHICKENS! Ow, Ouch *stab* *stab* *KA-BOOM!* Oh GOD THEY EXPLODE AND HEAL EACHOTHER!! AGGHHH!!

Vampire: Hahhaaahaaa!! You fools! I had all my gold coins exchanged for Necorpopolis Exploding Zombie Chickens! My family fortune is safer than ever! Yipee!

Exploding Zombie Chickens: Brain-awk! Braw-kawk! *KA-BOOM!*


Plus, Exploding Zombie Chickens are a stable currency! Well, slightly unstable but financially speaking they're okay. Since Exploding Zombie Chickens tend to get used up then inflation isn't a problem (except when they explode).

Plus, investment is a snap! A regular chicken sells for 2 cp, but an Exploding Zombie Chicken should be worth much more (I'd say 1 gp at least)! Farmers can raise chickens and take them to a government licensed necromancer who then turns them into genuine Exploding Zombie Chickens! The farmer then has just instantly increased the value of his livestock... er, undeadstock.

Yup, exploding zombie chickens should be the standard currency of every thriving Necromantic Civilization.

[Splendor]

Another one
PHB lists 1 load of bread at 2cp and 1/2 lb, 1lb of salt at 5gp, and 1 lb of flour at 2cp.
1 teaspoon = .0208lbs

Now the basics you need to make 1/2 lb of bread is 1/2lb of flour (1cp), water (free), 1 teaspoon of salt (5.2cp) and some yeast (?). So to make 1/2 lb of bread costs you 6.2cp and only sells for 2cp.

Never take profession baker you lose money.

[SurlySeraph]

If you insist...a +5 Vorpal greatsword is worth ten million, seventeen thousand, five hundred chickens.

I can feel the epic rules calling to me. They tell me I can have a Rod of Epic Might for a mere 214,671,600 chickens.

EDIT: Google tells me that a chicken weighs 6 pounds on average. That's 644,014.8 tons of chicken. That's about the weight of 317 space shuttles.

[sonofzeal]

I can feel the epic rules calling to me. They tell me I can have a Rod of Epic Might for a mere 214,671,600 chickens.

EDIT: Google tells me that a chicken weighs 6 pounds on average. That's 644,014.8 tons of chicken. That's about the weight of 317 space shuttles.

Ah..... but how many chickens can fit inside a space shuttle?

[lsfreak]

Assuming each chicken takes up one square foot, my belt of battle is worth 13 acres of chickens!

And my greater rod of quicken would supply every resident of Spain with a clove of garlic to fend off those pesky vampires. (Alternatively, Tokyo, Beijing, Mumbai, Moscow, and Mexico City combined).

[Coplantor]

The standard treasure reward for a 1st level encounter is 300. The standard Goblin is CR 1/3. That means any Goblin you care to name has in its possession the equivalent of five thousand chickens.

those bastards would make fortunes if they stop pillaging and dedicated to farming! whatever the word for taking care of chickens is!

[tribble]

those bastards would make fortunes if they stop pillaging and dedicated to farming! whatever the word for taking care of chickens is!

poultering?

[Coplantor]

poultering?

Ha! Silly me, and I call myself a harvest moon player.