The Ultimate Portfolio of Self-Defense

[LibraryOgre]

Every deity should aspire to have one portfolio, amongst their many others. The one that will ensure they will never die:

Temple Despoilment. Whether it's peeing on a roadside shrine or an organized sack and burn of the Temple of Elemental Evil, every time, anyone, anywhere, destroys a temple, it is an act of devotion to you.

Even if they destroy your temple, crucify your high priest, and rape your vestal virgins. They are worshiping you.

[Saph]

By that logic, the portfolio you really want would be something like "Breathing" or "Sleeping" or "Continuing to Exist". :P

[Mongoose87]

By that logic, the portfolio you really want would be something like "Breathing" or "Sleeping" or "Continuing to Exist". :P

Nuclear force would be a strong option.

[Yzzyx]

By that logic, the portfolio you really want would be something like "Breathing" or "Sleeping" or "Continuing to Exist". :P

Other good choices include "killing monsters and taking their stuff," "living," "not living," ("being purple" and "not being purple" also work) and "not worshiping me."

[Siosilvar]

"not worshiping me."

That's how you make vestiges.

[Dragonmuncher]

The key is to have something that
1. Will always be around
2. Other deities won't fight you for



Here I'm thinking of Petulia, the Discworld's Goddess of Negotiable Affection. As patron of "the oldest profession," she'll always be around. And while her worshiper base is smaller than the average Sun God, they tend to be consistent.*

Plus, since it's such a niche, she's unlikely to have to deal with competition from up-and-coming rival religions.



*After all, they're always looking up at the- That is, they're always on their- never mind.

[Greenish]

The key is to have something that
1. Will always be around
2. Other deities won't fight you for

On the same vein, "Things that get stuck in the drawer" is pretty decent one (at least, it beats being the God of Hangovers).

[Kwan Lee]

The key is to have something that
1. Will always be around
2. Other deities won't fight you for



Here I'm thinking of Petulia, the Discworld's Goddess of Negotiable Affection. As patron of "the oldest profession," she'll always be around. And while her worshiper base is smaller than the average Sun God, they tend to be consistent.*

Plus, since it's such a niche, she's unlikely to have to deal with competition from up-and-coming rival religions.



*After all, they're always looking up at the- That is, they're always on their- never mind.

totally agreed. It'll be a great advantage if we have some thing that other deities will not fight for. and Petulia is a good choice.

[Eldan]

So if I play the god of Deicide, no one can ever kill me?

[Kurald Galain]

On the same vein, "Things that get stuck in the drawer" is pretty decent one (at least, it beats being the God of Hangovers).

You mean the Oh God of Hangovers.

[The Rose Dragon]

You mean the Oh God of Hangovers.

I'm angry that I know what that means.

Stupid Discworld. Even not reading it isn't a valid means of escape.

[Fishy]

This is wonderful.

All the same, I feel the need to point our that you're still vulnerable to your worshippers getting bored and wandering off, and your temples falling down due to lack of maintenance.

[Herbstfarben]

All the same, I feel the need to point our that you're still vulnerable to your worshippers getting bored and wandering off, and your temples falling down due to lack of maintenance.

Add the portfolio of boredom and short attention span.

[Lapak]

'Being forgotten' would make for an amusing cycle of power.

"TREMBLE BEFORE ME, MORTAL WORLD!"
*stomps around with Cosmic Powers, alters the course of history*
*power fades rapidly as deity attracts more attention*

*~10,000 years pass, even myths are forgotten or god is assumed dead and forgotten*

"TREMBLE BEFORE ME, MORTAL WORLD!"
*repeat*

EDIT: Naturally, bards would be kill-on-sight for this god's minions.

[raitalin]

Nuclear force would be a strong option.

I see what you did there.

Also, in my estimation the Gods/goddesses of fornication and reproduction would be a lot more powerful if they drew their power from how important their respective portfolios were to mortals.

[Sophismata]

I see what you did there.

Hah! I'm ashamed I missed that earlier.