Coolest lines you (as your player) has ever said in a game

[Lucas Pitta]

Simple, tell us the best one liner, comment, joke, insult or monologue you were able to come up in a game.
Mine came up with a gnome that was selling us bad potions:

*I think that you're full of (pooP), I've got twice the weapons, twice you're size and need no more then two seconds to cleave you into a pair of lovely little gnome bits*
I then shove the bogus water breathing potion down his neck and hold him in a barrel of water (good times)

[weenie]

A character of mine caught a child that was trying to cut his purse and had his cohort mark him by cutting a deep gash in his cheek. A guard comes running and asks for an explanation, so my character tells him what happened and the guard says, that he'll have to report the incident(it was a Good city, people were shocked by what my character had done), so he replied "Oh, that's very dutiful of you, but there's no need to report the child, I already had him marked, see"

[CockroachTeaParty]

One time my character tried to cast Banishment on a Nightwalker. Quoting Gandalf, my character said "Go back to the shadow!"

Then, the Nightwalker made its save, and retorted "I am the shadow."

Nor really a cool line I said, but that's still one of the better lines I've heard in any game I've played in.

[Beowulf DW]

A bandit attacks my sick monk (the illness reduced his Dex by 2 I think) saying, "I have you now!"

He misses.

My monk criticals him and responds, "You have nothing. No honor. No skill. And now you have no life."

It's a shame that we didn't finish that campaign.

[Zom B]

Setup: A white dragon lands in front of the party in a tundra-like area and starts to fight us. My enchanter casts Charm Monster on it and succeeds (save DC was something like 38) and so I'm its friend but not the rest of the party. I tried to talk it out of fighting us but it was too hungry and food too scarce. So I make a Knowledge (Geography) check to see if I know of any silver dragon dens nearby. Yes, I did. Okay, I make a Knowledge (local) check to see if I know the name of one of them. Yes, I did.

Me: *casts Whispering Wind*
Dragon: *identifies spell* What are you doing, mortal?
Me: Argent the silver dragon has just received the message that I, Metanach, a mere mortal, have mentally controlled the white dragon known as Frost. If you wish to save any face, I suggest you flee this area now.

Too bad the dragon decided the simpler course was to try to eat me.

[The Dark Fiddler]

"Stop!"

Sure, it doesn't seem that great, but picture the context: my Halfling Sorcerer had just flown up and landed on a burning roof in front of a (not so intelligent, homebrewed) dragon, and stuck a dynamic pose. And then the dragon stopped attacking the city and walked away.

[Cisturn]

Ok so my cleric had been taken on by 5 of the elite knights of the BBEG who was trying to achieve godhood. They try to swarm him but my Cleric keeps rolling lucky, he takes out their leader (three levels higher than me) in the first round with two twenties, Then proceeds to run another through, and decapitate two others (called shot:neck) As the last Knight Attacked me, and failed to beat my AC i turned to him and said "My name is Aegis, Cleric of Saint Cuthbert, and Prince of the Cisturn Kingdom, Do you know why your men have fallen so easily? Because Your god IS WEAK" the last knight chose to join my party as a cohort

[The Valiant Turtle]

I have 2 great line memories, although neither of them were me:

1st story: We were playing Rolemaster and a friends sorcerer got challenged to a duel in a bar. He tries casting Break Limb first, but the guy resists. The second round he unleashes a fireball from a runed glove he wore, which turns the poor guy into charcoal and causes the local authorities to go crazy. Once we've found a hideout we ask him why he had to fireball the poor guy and he just answers "Well, Break Limb didn't work." The delivery was so nonchalant that it was just priceless. In addition to the glove he wore his ex-wifes shrunken head as an amulet and had an eye-patch covering his missing eye that was now a portal to the nether plane.

2nd story: Playing 3.0 and a different friend was playing a cleric of a God of Wealth and Greed. We encounter a bunch of undead entering a cave and he holds forth his money bag (holy symbol) and declares "Drop your money and run!" (turn undead). Several run and 2 are destroyed. "I guess those 2 didn't have any money."

[One Step Two]

Exalted campaigns always have a good bit of banter.

One such event was when we met our recurring villian for the story, he was a vain creature, and I asked my ST that since I couldnt wound him, if I could marr his face with a bruise for dramatic effect. It was allowed, and the villian before making his grand exit glared at me and said: "Stay right there, I want to make sure I remember that face."
I glared back and said, "If you ever begin to forget, all you need to do is look over your shoulder."

In a different campaign playing a half-caste exalt (children of the gods more or less) I was being escorted to heaven, I had managed to find someone who would help me avenge my parents, and was given directions in the form of a riddle. My character had no patience for this so asked his escort for any advice, who decided to be mystic and said: "I understand this, but meaning is best earned."
I rolled my eyes and remarked, "I don't have time for this, last time I checked I am here under your watch, so remember this: I can get you into trouble."
Having had a rather large track record for shenanigans, I was given very the directions in a more normal manner.

[Shadowbane]

As a 9th level fighter who was more of a pacifist than he'd willingly admit.

“Strike. There is nothing greater or more important than that. Protect your people, protect your family. Accept the misfortunes of your life, but do not submit. Fight, even though it means nothing. Strike. Strike true, strike hard, but strike. Do not turn away, do not blink. There is only the enemy and yourself. Nothing else. Strike.”

-Torm of the Silver Hammer

[Masaioh]

As one of the party healers, I cast cure minor wounds in order to bring the psion back to life. He went "scouting" to find intel on a goblin compound. He got a negative hide check and was mobbed by a pack of displacer beasts. He was level 5. Anyways, when he comes back to life I state that I just healed him so I could kill him myself for being an idiot. I proceed to disembowel him and have the cleric heal him to full HP.

[DementedFellow]

We were playing a Call of Cthulhu game. It was set in 1920s. My friend was playing a "madcap heiress" who was richer than God. She had an NPC chauffeur who was a Japanese gentleman named "Ito".

As we were on the road, the sun was setting and it was getting dark. About that time, we started being followed by nightgaunts. They were flying up behind the car and then flying beside us and beating on it with their arms.

The madcap heiress screams to the chauffeur, "Drive faster, Ito! Drive faster! Godzirra, Ito! Godzirra!"

[Beelzebub1111]

"Why Hello, Black Dragon. Would you like to hear a song?"

[Soranar]

My Half-Orc paladin of Tyranny (who worshipped Kelemvor) was on a crusade to kill a bunch of worshippers of Cyric (some Gods just won't stay dead) with good aligned characters (which made for some fun roleplay, nothing like a Lawful neutral deity to make things complicated for it's followers).

Obviously , unlike my companions, I was allowed to enjoy torturing and slaughtering my enemies, and when our diplomat failed I was sent *intervened without consent* to intimidate people. Anyway, they're trying to question a prisoner, and we're in a hurry so I decide to take the lead.

-(the Face) Where is the temple?

-(prisoner)...

I step in and cut off his right foot

-(me) Tell me where it is and you get to die.

[Boci]

-(the Face) Where is the temple?

-(prisoner)...

I step in and cut off his right foot

-(me) Tell me where it is and you get to die.

My favorite one was from a particularly sadistic factotum I rolled a while a go:

Holds dagger to bound prisoners pinky,

Me: "You have 10 fingers. Who hired you to kill the prince?"

Assassin: "I cannot tell you,"

Me:"You have 9 fingers. Who hired you to kill the prince?"

ect.

[Just_Ice]

"Yes, I've been trying to pull the sword down from being stuck up in the roof, especially when I've been climbing up to the room beside it to get you a freakin' saddle. So, yeah, you go pull that down while I DON'T ride away on your horse."

Then I made the bluff check.

Also, with my Warforged Knight: "The side door greatly offends my honour. I cannot close such a thing."
and "Oh, ya come back because you still have one unbroken arm, knave? That is a funny thing to do."

[Ormagoden]

As a small curious tribal goblin stepping out into the world beyond the sealed cave he called home for the first time. He had a tendency to eat things...

At a banquet he was invited to he was dressed in a little "sailor boy" outfit because that was the only thing available that would fit him.

He asked what everything was on the table every time he tasted it. Needless to say there were a great many laughs from his questions. The funniest exchange was between the 6'4" human druid and my goblin character.

"Excuse me, Big guy, whats this?"

Said the goblin as he begins chewing on a flower from the center piece.
He suddenly made a horrified face at the taste and swallowed the flower with an agonizing gulp.
"That's the centerpiece." the druid said chuckling.

To which the goblin replied in a raspy, slightly woozy voice
"OhhhHhh, I don't like center piece."

This spawned the "Excuse me, big guy." Line of questioning throughout the campaign along with the "I don't like _____." line of exclamations.

Such as
"Excuse me, big guy...Why his her butt so fat?"
and
"Ohh, I don't like horse men!"

[Fawsto]

My first D&D 3.5 experience:

Me and my group were climbing a very tall very snowy mountain where a huge storm was brewing. We were trying to find a old giant and get his treasure. Just before the storm strikes we find a huge cave and we go inside. Minutes later we find the Frost Giant who promptly asks:

Giant: "Who dares to climb Jarl Olav's mountain and enter his cave!?"

Group: "Well, we are just a bunch of folk from the lowlands, you know..."

Giant: "Then, what are you doing here climbing MY MOUNTAIN! Searching for my goods perhaps!?" (at this time we were already rolling initiatives).

Me: "Well... We climb mountains for sport. You know, healthy stuff *rolls a 20 for a bluff check (plus bonuses)*."

Giant: "Well then... *rolls a 1 for a sense motive check* Keep going them... I Guess..."

Five minutes later we had a pincushion of a sneak attaked giant and a pile of gold and I had a new battlecry for when I wanted to roll a 20. "*doing anything* for Sports!".

----------------------------------------------------------------

This and all the "guild code talking" for the rogues in the party while my character (who is not from the guild) was listening:

Qallas (NPC): Well them, I think we have to "bake that duck"... (bake the duck meaning "bring a specific necromancer's head on a silver plate")

Hagah (PC): Wait. We were not supposed to be "breaking a teeth" (referring to find some money)?

Vale (PC): Of course we need to "break some teeth". We will need it so we can "bake the duck". But before we do that we have got to "drown the elf" (no meaning at all here).

Hagah (PC): Wait, wait, wait! I am an Elf, why'd you try to "drown an elf"? I don't get it.

Ashnard (Me): Thats it. You've lost me for good.

[Knaight]

I don't remember the exact lines involved, but the short version is one of my campaigns featured a monk (not the class, but a similar concept), who had two main traits. One of which was that he could only speak in proverbs. So naturally, there was an entire monastic order which did this (The proverbs thing was my idea, the player had trouble with a character concept, so I felt obligated to add it). The conversation between the monk and the order was incredible, particularly since both of us, as players, understood it, while the rest of the group gawked on and tried to figure out what it meant. The conversation was about forming up into a military, and over the course of the conversation pretty much every ocean creature in existence was mentioned in some way or other, along with a bunch of parables.

[Admiral Squish]

Psion is confronting an elder salamander in his tent in the middle of his camped army ready to storm the city. I'm the one sent to negotiate, since I was the one who killed his scouts. One elder salamander, four guards.

Salamander: "Ha! All they send is this pitiful whore to appease me?! Run along, woman, and return with something valuable to offer me! That is, if such a pathetic city has anything to offer in the first place!"

I should mention my character is both not very patient, and rather severely feminist.

Psion: "I have brought something to bargain with, lord."
Salamander: "And what would that be, wench?"
Psion: "PAIN."

With that, an overchanneled, empowered mind thrust to the face shuts him down, and a quickened energy missile (cold) takes his guards out of commission. Then she proceeded to stride out of the tent, taking out chunks of his army with widened energy balls and widened energy bursts, all in the cold flavor. Eventually she went down under the damage of overchannel, but I believe her final kill-count was over a hundred. I never saw the actual number.

[Irreverent Fool]

An overzealous Paladin (Cleric class) fighting a band intelligent velociraptors. They'd already dropped a pair of party members. With his smite attack, he shouted:

"Pray to your dark lizard gods!"

[Infernum]

This one time in a savage worlds type game, we were fighting a dark sorcerer that turned out to be Tiny Tim from the Christmas Carol (This was a Christmas spoof game). So my Vietnam War veteran called a double tap head shot on the little monster with my M1 Garand that proceeded to take his head clean off.

To which I replied, "God bless us, everyone."

Everyone at the table started loosing it and couldn't stop laughing. The DM even gave me a couple of Bennie points for it.

[Kitsap Charles]

Well, I was the DM instead of a player, but... at one point the half-orc pulled off something particularly spectacular and said, "Now is the winter of our discontent."

I replied, "...made glorious spring attack by this son of orc" and the whole table applauded.

[Denkal]

My party was given an "any last words?" situation. My bard pulls out a classic OotS line.

"Knock Knock."
"Who's there?"
"Roland."
"Roland who?"
'ROLAND 'NITIATIVE!"

I proceed to roll 20 on my initiative roll, before I add my unnaturally high Dex, and Improved Initiative.

[JonestheSpy]

"You want ice with that?"

I was a robot bartender. We were playing Paranoia. It was lethal.

[Deepblue706]

"YOU'LL HAVE TO DEAL WITH ME FIRST, DRAGON!"

I was playing a Fighter. That's the Fighter quote for their entry in the 4E PHB.

Then uncoolness of the line combined with my over-the-top Fighter-Guy-Voice and the rest of the party being stunned (fightful presence) somehow made it awesome.

[Rixx]

*at a troupe of low-level bandits holding us up on a road*

"You're new to this, aren't you?"

(Said by the person pictured in my avatar, who is scarcely 5 feet tall)

[PairO'Dice Lost]

I had a pair of good lines in sequence from last session that require a bit of setup. My party (a wizard, a druid, and a factotum [me]) was sneaking into an aristocrat's house to steal some documents. We've just snuck in and are trying to pick the locks on his office when we hear a sound; the druid sends his rat to investigate, and the guy's butler nails it with a dagger—we'd heard he's a tough bodyguard, and apparently he's also twitchy. We hid, invisible, while the butler came downstairs, did stuff with the rat in the kitchen (the druid sobbing at every sound in there), and came back to the stairs where he found us:

Butler: Well, this is rather interesting. I wasn't expecting to run into people in the middle of the night.
Wizard: Believe me, we feel the same way.
Butler: The question is, what should I do about you? I assume the rat was yours, Mr. Wizard? [We'd met the aristocrat and butler before, so they knew what our abilities were in general terms.]
Druid: Actually, that was mine.
Butler: Ooh, I'm so sorry.
Druid: How can you bear to kill one of nature's creatures so remorselessly?
Butler: Don't worry, its sacrifice wasn't in vain. *grins* I've skinned it.
Druid:
Butler: The meat is cooling in the icebox, and its skin should serve me well as a dishtowel.
Druid: ...a dishtowel!? Why you—!
Butler: Indeed. Such a luscious coat of fur on your late, lamented companion. Wouldn't want to waste nature's bounty, hmm?
Factotum: "Nature's bounty: the quicker picker upper."
*three seconds of silence*
*DM and wizard's player die laughing, druid's player fumes*
DM: Heh heh...that was...heh heh...that was amazing. You get one Get Out Of Instant Death Free card.
Wizard: Yeah, that was awesome.
*druid's player staring daggers*
*DM and wizard look at druid's player, look at me, look at druid's player*
Me: ...too soon?
*DM and wizard's player die laughing again*
*druid's player finally cracks up*

[CyMage]

I think my favourite line is from my 2nd ed mage who was a bit of a pyro. The group is at a party and one of the ladies says something along the lines of 'So I hear you have some talent with magic.' My reply was 'A little bit. I can start a 'camp fire.'

The joke being that he could single handedly start a fairly sized camp on fire.

[Marillion]

In 7th Sea, I was playing Luc, a prissy Montaigne (Frenchman). One of the other party members tried to speak to me in either the German or the Gaelic analogue. I replied "Stop honking at me and speak in a civilized tongue, if you please."

His natural charm has made him a very good sprinter.