Is it okay to cry over a character?

[DragonBaneDM]

Hey guys. I think I may have a bit of a problem.

I've noticed lately that when I think about these two characters, heck, one's just an NPC, once in awhile I start crying. Usually it's just a few tears and a red face when a song comes on that makes me think of them, but sometimes it's really bad.

Quick overview in case any one cares. My kalashtar killed his dog and Mother, well he was possessed during it but still. I hung out with my girlfriend after a session where he dumped poison in a water well, and I just started bawling to her. Hahaha, I told her it was cause Precious looked sad on the Oscars.

And this DragonBorn NPC was driven insane by Tharizdun. He went on a murder spree, killing over 300 people. He just got his sanity back, and...well I'm having something bad happen to him. Real bad. I have players that use this site and I can't bring it up, but I just stayed up till 5 apologizing in the mirror to him for it.

Is this normal for someone who gets really into roleplaying? Do any of you have stories about tears you've shed over...Christ... over these pieces of paper and notes on our laptops that we love so much?

[KillianHawkeye]

There's a chance you're taking this too seriously. It's just a game, dude.

[DragonBaneDM]

Yeah... I know. I think you're right. Hahaha. I mean I guess this is just how I express it. I have friends who spend hours talking hypothetical builds and stuff that I can never wrap my head around, but this is my way of spending too much time on it.

Like I said, most of the time I'm fine. It's just lately, not so much. How can I tone myself down?

[FoE]

Even with evil characters, I tend to go into "GUARDIAN MODE" if children are at risk, and if I fail to protect them, it absolutely destroys me.

Do these things remind you of something going on in RL, perhaps some grief you're dealing with or tragedies that happened in your past? If so, it's understandable.

[Temotei]

I think it's okay. I nearly cried over Aeris (didn't quite, though...probably because I had my stepbrother there). I've cried in theaters before.

Just remember that it's only a game, only some characters, and that this story will be more memorable with emotions pouring out of you like this. Anyway, it's a lot better than no emotion at all.

[Ravens_cry]

Just a game? What other game can you put so much effort, so much work into creating a fictional constrict, to create a creature who loves and lives in a way that almost seems independent of your own original intent? It may be a game, but it's not just a game.

[Koury]

At the risk of being revealing that I am extreamly lame, I often avoid watching the Adam Sandler movie Click with other people because wiping tears from your eyes during the raining scene outside the hospital is simply not cool

[arguskos]

Just a game? What other game can you put so much effort, so much work into creating a fictional constrict, to create a creature who loves and lives in a way that almost seems independent of your own original intent? It may be a game, but it's not just a game.

I keep trying to convince people of this, but no one ever listens to me.

[Ravens_cry]

I keep trying to convince people of this, but no one ever listens to me.

*Hugs*
It's OK.
Though one can take this game too seriously, serious role play takes some effort and risk.

[KillianHawkeye]

Alternatively, it's a sign that you are emotionally invested in the character, which is a good thing.

I get involved with movie or video game characters like that all the time. Heck, I even cried at the end of Short Circuit 2 when the indian guy is trying to bring Johnny 5 back to life with the electric paddles.

[arguskos]

Alternatively, it's a sign that you are emotionally invested in the character, which is a good thing.

I get involved with movie or video game characters like that all the time. Heck, I even cried at the end of Short Circuit 2 when the indian guy is trying to bring Johnny 5 back to life with the electric paddles.

Wait... waitwaitwait. Wait.

You LIKED Short Circuit 2? I thought I was the only one!

Also, yeah, you know, some people don't appreciate the effort it can take to really dedicate yourself to a character. I have a few characters I try and think like once each day, just to keep my skill at rping them fresh.

[Thajocoth]

The fact that these things phase you so is perfectly normal. It doesn't happen to everyone, sure, but heck, I've cried over fictional characters I had NO attachment to. I've done worse than cry... Just let it out. Crying once in a while is actually good for you physically, not just emotionally. These are, ultimately, fictional characters, but that doesn't mean reacting like a human to their situations is in any way bad. I made that mistake, and the result of it was something very bad.

A note on what happened to me, not to derail, but to clarify:

Spoiler

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It was a sort of "straw that broke the camel's back" with my logic getting increasingly annoyed at my emotions, until it decided to kick "sadness" out for a week. You cannot shut off just one, and without them there's not much incentive to turn them back on. It was 8 years later that I turned them back on, due to a happiness so great as to pierce the blockade. It's not quite a lightswitch as they were still technically there, but at such a diminished intensity that I could no longer notice or react to them. The book was "Bridge to Terabithia", in 3rd grade. I remember almost nothing about it. To be fair, my emotions were at a deafening volume at the time, resulting usually in crying or plotting, and my logical ability had a lot of reason to be fed up with it. Now my emotions are at a normal, sane volume.

[Platinum_Mongoose]

The closest I think I've gotten to this is feeling genuine discomfort over the choices I've had to make as Commander Shepard in Mass Effect and Mass Effect 2. Curse you, Bioware! You, and all your moral grey areas!

Spoiler

Show

It was like, "Okay, Kaidan, so you're not coming with me, but... but don't hate me!"

[Lord Vukodlak]

There's a chance you're taking this too seriously. It's just a game, dude.

People cry over fictional characters in movies, books and on TV all the time, why should a RPG character you have a personal investment in be any different?

[Fiendish_Dire_Moose]

Don't get attached to something that's in your head.
People say hearing voices makes you crazy. No, that makes you smart, you have intuition. it's RESPONDING to those voices that makes you crazy.

It's a game, and those things are all in your head.

[Mystery Meep]

Not only is it okay, it's a great thing that you can be so invested in these characters--it's a sign that you're playing D&D right, basically, when it comes to the 'roleplaying' aspects.

Sure, that can be problematic if you can't step back when you need to, or if it causes you problems because you can't disengage. And that can be hard to deal with.

But aside from theoretical problems of not being able to separate in and out of character, it's just fine.

[hiryuu]

I love a manly tears thread.

I'm not afraid to speak! I got misty-eyed over the end of Dragonheart! I felt a surge in my chest at the end of The Truman Show!

I've been so into character I've cried in-game before because the character was breaking up (it is a very long story). I've felt afraid, full of hope, and teared up with happiness. Everyone in my group has, and those are the moments you roleplay for, to become emotionally and intellectually engaged; it's why we watch movies, read books, and watch television, why should roleplaying be any different?

[DragonBaneDM]

THANK YOU GUYS!!!!

I got off to build some armor for a class coming up and I love seeing all this support.

This is such a great forum. I love my Playground family.

But yeah, I like the general consensus that I'm okay for putting this much emotional investment into my characters. Hey, thanks guys. It's gonna be okay, I'm just a huge freaking nerd hahaha.

Doesn't mean we don't have to stop sharing though, BRING ON THE LOVE!!

[Fiendish_Dire_Moose]

THANK YOU GUYS!!!!

I got off to build some armor for a class coming up and I love seeing all this support.

This is such a great forum. I love my Playground family.

But yeah, I like the general consensus that I'm okay for putting this much emotional investment into my characters. Hey, thanks guys. It's gonna be okay, for all of us.

Doesn't mean we don't have to stop sharing though, BRING ON THE LOVE!!

The proper term for the experience is called "The Method", the trick is knowing when you need to stop. If you cry, you should have stopped ten minutes ago. I like to think of D&D as a play. Act, don't get lost in something not real.

[DragonBaneDM]

Well I never cry in game. Just when I'm thinking about these two at home.

[Fiendish_Dire_Moose]

Well I never cry in game. Just when I'm thinking about these two at home.

Oh, well then no matter what anyone says, that's a bit much. It's one thing to get teary eyed about an ex girlfriend. It's not good to get teary eyed over something that doesn't/did not exist.

[Koury]

Oh, hey, you live in Bremerton!

...

Yeah, thats about all I had to say.

Also, Tacoma is a way better city :D

[Fiendish_Dire_Moose]

Oh, hey, you live in Bremerton!

...

Yeah, thats about all I had to say.

Also, Tacoma is a way better city :D

Except I don't gotta pray to god I don't get shot just walking to work every day.

[rubycona]

It's really easy to get invested in characters. It's not like in movies, where you just watch what they're doing... it's easy to criticize when it's someone else.

But when you roleplay in the 1st person (only way, in my opinion, really) you're not just observing a story, you're Being the story. It's your words, it's a part of your mind. The character may not be you, but you have to get in the mindset, so the character's thoughts are Your thoughts, too, you know? He's in your head, and you're in his.

And that's pretty damned intimate for a fictional character. You don't want him to die, partly because he wants to live, and partly because you've invested so much into him... but after a while, the distinction can become pretty fuzzy.

I had a game where we ran the same characters for 1 1/2 years, every week. Lesse, 52 weeks a year, call it 60 total games considering occasional scheduling problems, 4 hours a game minimum, that means I *was* Chikara, the Half-Dragon monk, for 240 hours, minimum. More than that, because I spent a few extra hours each week getting into the mindset, thinking about what she'd do.

When the DM had a cursed Artifact that she/I picked up, that latched on to my soul and, while giving me certain extra power while I lived, would consume my soul upon death, that moaned in pleasure and desire in my head, each time I got injured... it scared the hell out of me/us.

I didn't have any tear-inspiring situations with Chikara, but I tell you, had it come up, the tears would have flowed. There Were lots of times where my heart half stopped with fear or panic, when I grudgingly thought of giving "my" life to save the party, and wondering if I'd be willing to go through with it...

D&D is a hell of a game, is basically what I'm saying :P

[Admiral Squish]

Since I turned ten, I think I've cried... four times. Total. One was over a song about 9/11, one was at the end of dragonheart, one was part of a complete stress-based breakdown, and one was over a girlfriend. If there were any more occasions, I can't remember them. Needless to say, I am not an emotional sort of fellow. However, a particularly gruesome demise or triumphant victory has, in recent years, been one of the few things to really stir my emotions.

[Koury]

Except I don't gotta pray to god I don't get shot just walking to work every day.

I've never been shot! I did get stabbed once in school with a screwdriver, but that was a thing about a girl (aren't they all?). And we're more about auto theft then murder, anyway

[Fiendish_Dire_Moose]

I've never been shot! I did get stabbed once in school with a screwdriver, but that was a thing about a girl (aren't they all?). And we're more about auto theft then murder, anyway

I'll stick to hoping a meth dealer don't pounce on me during my morning jog. I like keeping my car. Driving is fun for me.

[Seatbelt]

In one game I had a LE cleric of Hextor who got shafted with a very powerful and cursed axe that sometimes took control of my character (in a minor way, mostly for a round or two when the DM needed to save us) and eventually teleported us to the hells, where we battled the controlling entity, lifted the curse, and all was well.

One of the party members (my oldest and dearest friend IRL controlling him) did not like my cleric on the grounds that he was EVIL and EVIL IS BAD and if he betrayed the party once (despite everyone knowing IC that it was because of this cursed axe) he would do it again. He really, really did not like my character.

A second friend was joining in via webcam from Boston, who everyone knows has a short attention span and tends to derail campaigns by backstabbing everyone/team killing because he has this "new awesome idea for a campaign" he wants to run.

So the team killing player starts dropping AOE spells on the enemies, and also me. After the second time I warn him that if he attacks me again, I will cleave his head from his shoulders. IC, in front of the entire party. In the very next encounter he hits 3 of the 4 original party members with the spell with the color affects.. it can plane shift you, cause confusion, etc. I forget what its called. Like Color Spray but 7th level. Bad things happen to everyone. He neutralizes all the low level mooks but a PC almost got planeshifted. So after the last big bad in the area drops, I turn on him. Like my lawful and evil character said he would do. So my best friend pwns him with a twin split maximized something powerful and kills my character outright, and then defends it IC by saying my character was prone to betrayal (?!?! What about the drow shooting his team mates with AOEs?), was evil, and he "never liked that guy anyway."

I felt so hurt and betrayed and frustrated, and I really really liked this character. He was very fleshed out.. just nobody asked. I was attached to him, and I felt like he got killed because my friend OOC just hates the idea of evil chatacters, and didn't want me to kill his cousin's dude. I quit the campaign right then and there and said I didn't want to play anymore.



Of course I came back for what ended up being the final boss session. I rolled a gish who was so much more powerful than the rest of the party I had to hold back because it was pissing off the DM. Immature? Probably. But it made me feel better.

[Ravens_cry]

Oh, well then no matter what anyone says, that's a bit much. It's one thing to get teary eyed about an ex girlfriend. It's not good to get teary eyed over something that doesn't/did not exist.

The emotions were real. Or at least, you felt them. Curse your brain if you want, but it's only natural to cry over such a detailed fraud. Movies, books and songs can make us cry. Wall-E, and Full Metal Alchemist were perfect fictions, yet the emotions presented were engaging enough that they evoked a ver realy reaction in me.
This isn't wrong, this is empathy and imagination and a very significant part of being human. Story telling and pretend is as old as humanity. If this makes you uncomfortable, I can respect that. But it seems a little harsh to label it as wrong.
As long as you know when to stop back and say 'this isn't real, I can go home.' what's wrong with investing emotions in a character?

[Bob the Urgh]

Yes, it is okay. Since you didn't do it in front of your friends. Tacoma has better bars.