Batman vs. YOU

[ahsile]

What happens? Can you take on the Dark Knight? How would you take him out?

[Saithis Bladewing]

I wouldn't commit any crimes for starters, and I'd start an interesting and witty conversation. By befriending him with my superior charisma, I'd achieve victory.

[Jack_Banzai]

Well, aside from killing myself, the only way I can see myself escaping the clutches of the Batman is by proclaiming that whatever it is I did that he's hunting me down for, I did only because Scarecrow's fear gas drove me temporarily insane. Then I'd urinate on myself and see if he would be too disgusted to hit me.

Maybe I could sell him on the idea that I'm an orphan whose parents were murdered by gangsters and crime is the only way of life I've ever known. I have wanted to get out, honest, but I dont know how. Something like that. Against the Batman, the only advantage I have is that I know his secret identity and I've read a ton of his stories. Maybe I could tell him that I tried to run out and help when Bane broke his spine but my neighbor physically restrained me.

[tgva8889]

Well, considering that I'm a computer-typed RPG playing guy who literally leaves his house as minimally as possible, I'd say he'd kick my butt into the stratosphere. That is, if he wanted his secret identity known. Cause I'd threaten to tell everyone in the world his identity.

[Saithis Bladewing]

Well, considering that I'm a computer-typed RPG playing guy who literally leaves his house as minimally as possible, I'd say he'd kick my butt into the stratosphere. That is, if he wanted his secret identity known. Cause I'd threaten to tell everyone in the world his identity.

That didn't stop Superman.

[Jarl]

That's the problem with heroes that don't have superpowers. If they don't have superpowers, they don't have super-weaknesses.

-I say... don't break the law.

[Caillach]

It's simple. work as a cook in his house and poison his food, or soak his bedsheets in arsenic. So long as I get enough of the stuff in him to take him out fast Bats' is toast. Unless he pulls a Rasputin, in which case I'm toast.

[Steward]

I think I could take down Batman. All I would need is an army of Superman clones, a nuclear arsenal, several robot duplicates, and a satellite base that can literally fire solar systems at him.

[BelkarsDagger]

Anyone can take out Batman if he isnt allowed preparation. If he prepares, he's the winner.

[Beleriphon]

The easy answer is that I become a DC writer and then write myself in to the story so that I can kick his ass.

Otherwise, I'd have to assume that I'm smarter than Batman. Which I am. So by default I win.

[Jarl]

Bat-Mite, my brothers and sisters. Bat-Mite. He and Mxlxltherlhtkjhsdck (sp?) killed Batman AND Superman.
Many times.

-MAAAAAAAAANY times. In many universes. DC, Kingdom Come, DCAU, DKR, etc.

[Foeofthelance]

Me. Very simple really. Commit all my crimes during the day. Go out only during the day. Preferably shortly after dawn. Thus, Batman is either asleep, busy as Bruce Wayne, or forced to deal with crime scenes more then ten hours old.

That, and aim for his head. The bat sign make a nice target sure, but the mask isn't armored as well.

[Alchemistmerlin]

I win, my plot armor is thicker.

Oh and I know who he is/where he lives, so my first crime would be to blow up Bruce Wayne in broad daylight.

[Steward]

Anyone can take out Batman if he isnt allowed preparation. If he prepares, he's the winner.

Anyone? Anyone? What are you talking about?

[Jarl]

Non necessarily anyone, I'd say, but most heroes/villains could get a good run at him.

-He'd probably survive, though. Goddamn Batman.

[Jibar]

Well, I AM this reality's Dr. Doom, so...
I believe it has already been decided that;
I win.

[Steward]

Non necessarily anyone, I'd say, but most heroes/villains could get a good run at him.

-He'd probably survive, though. Goddamn Batman.

I think that the original poster was talking about us, not comic book charaters.

[Dib]

I'd shoot someone when he's nearby, thenfall to the floor as if I'm dead or something. He'll be all like "What the hell!?" he'd come over to see what I was doing and I'd jump him with a sword in the chin.

AAAAAAAH!!!

Not very likely or plausible, but its the best plan I've got. Or I'd use that stuff that made Clayface and us it on myself, he should've been able to beat Bats easy.

[ahsile]

I forgot I started this thread... heh.

I do like the idea about writing for DC and making yourself a batman killer character :P

[Logic]

i know adam west could take him on, he has Bat-Batman repellant spray, and if i am prepared enough to get ahold of that, then i force a stalemate.

[Jack_Banzai]

(warning: some adult language)

http://www.seanbaby.com/hostess/v2batman01.htm

If we're talking about fighting this version of Batman, I already won just by sitting here and not eating Hostess Fruit Pies.

[ShipWrecked]

I would probobly end up being in aww and bow to the man i mean, he is fricken "the batman" one of the greatest hero's of all time who can pretty much beat almost anyone. (with anough prep time) ;D

[Beleriphon]

I would probobly end up being in aww and bow to the man i mean, he is fricken "the batman" one of the greatest hero's of all time who can pretty much beat almost anyone. (with anough prep time) ;D

At which point you slug him as hard as you can in the groin as he goes on about being "the goddamned Batman!", that you you get zombie Lincoln to shoot him with an AK-47.

[ShipWrecked]

At which point you slug him as hard as you can in the groin as he goes on about being "the goddamned Batman!", that you you get zombie Lincoln to shoot him with an AK-47.

rofl, good one >.> i wouldnt want a nerve punch to the FACE. theres the nickname BATGOD for a reason.

another question guys. could batman be considered a revolutionary EMO!?!?!?!

[Cathrindir]

I wouldn't call him emo; he has...or, shows...less emotions than the rest of us. He's not Emo. He's eerily calm.
My way to win against the Dark Knight:
First, get someone to dress up in a Batman suit. Someone with the same build as Batman. Next, hire actors as 'thugs' to knock out someone acting as the Dark Knight. Put them in a dark alley, stage a fight scene, act as if Batman has been unmasked and driven unconcious, and run like hell when somebody comes. After 'discovering' the Dark Knight's secret identity and calling the police, there's no way that anyone will escape the news that whoever you hired to act as Batman (preferably a celebrity or someone well known) is the Dark Knight. Get the actor you hired to 'confess' that he is really Batman, and viola! Phase one of plan, into action.
Eventually, the news will reach the ears of one Bruce Wayne, and though perhaps even happy that someone has 'admitted' to being the Dark Knight so suspiscion will be thrown away from him, but he will be curious, and will investigate. Have the actor make a 'scheduled appearance' at a local area, and then hire one of Batman's villains. Make the villain send the local Newspapers a notice that he will meet the 'Dark Knight' at the place and attempt to kill him. The Newpapers will blabber the info all over the front page, and soon everyone will know. Have the actor state that he will still make an appearance. The Batman cannot risk the death of an innocent (the actor) if the villain is especially deadly, so he will come as well. Phase two, completed.
Phase three: Have the actor arrive and make a short statement, then the villain arrive. After attacking the actor numerous times (all faked, of course) have the actor pretend to be dying. Bruce Wayne will jump into action, changing into Batman and attacking the villain to save the actor. Have the building evacuated (including the actor), and soon the battle will continue. Ask the police to block off all building exits, so the battle cannot 'spill into the streets' and then quickly activate a bomb planted under the building. Alert the police to it and get them to drive the innocents away, then run away yourself. Get the Villain to the top level of the building through a walkie-talkie or something and have a helicopter land on the building to save said villain. Block off the top building exits, and you have the Dark Knight trapped in a building with exactly 00:01 minutes until the bomb blows.
*FOOM*
That's just my way. Pick it apart however you like.

[Steward]

That's just my way. Pick it apart however you like.

"Great Gotham! I am trapped in this building with only a split second before it blows! I'd better activate my Bomb-Defusing Spray at once!"

Never underestimate comic-book writing.

[Jerthanis]

That's just my way. Pick it apart however you like.

A decent plan, but the Bat has been in tighter situations before. He's been locked inside museums with their alarms on (thus, steel shutters over all windows, iron bars over every doorway) with a bomb set to go off in like 30 seconds, and survived. It was even entirely justified (he hid inside a safe.)

Your plan also has numerous escape strategies and assumes that Batman can't or doesn't discover your plot, when he probably could trace your transaction of money to the actor's account, and notice your other expenditures towards film crews, acting extras, and fight coreographers (sp?) for your publicity stunt over the fake batman. You also assume that the fight between batman and his villain will take long enough to evacuate and seal off an entire building, and involves a helicopter which you assume Batman won't comendeer, or hitch a ride on.

If I were to fight Batman, I'd first allow myself to get caught by being really stupid... I'd hide in a dark warehouse playing cards with buddies with stolen cash, laughing and carousing. When Bats shows up, he takes advantage of the darkened space to surprise us all. We take the fall, getting beaten mercilessly, concealing the fact that I know some martial arts from Batman, and then we get handed over to the cops. We plead guilty of petty crimes, but because all the money was recovered and no one was hurt in our crime, we get short sentances... while in prison I work out a lot and get as strong as my frame will allow. I get out of prison and somehow aquire state of the art security systems, steel shutters, and enough lights to bathe the warehouse in light. I install all this in the warehouse myself, or with the help of my partners in crime. Then I repeat my last crime, stealing lots of money and going back to the same warehouse and control the dialogue with the partners so we sound like we're enjoying breaking the law a second time, and how it's "Just like old times" and then Bats breaks in, but thinking we're incompetant, doesn't notice the very unobtrusive silent alarm (hopefully) and when I judge he's probably just about to pounce on us, I use a remote to turn on the flood lights, hopefully revealing Batman in the shadows, and activating the window shutters and door locks. My buddies and I pick up our tonfas and bo-staffs and flank him and all attack at once, showing the full extent of our martial skill, where he might still remember our last fight which we sort-of threw, and might still underestimate us. We knock him out after a long fight and... wonder why we worked so hard to beat him...

...or I could just be any other Batman villain and use poison gas ALL THE TIME! (Seriously, Poison Ivy, Joker, sometimes the Penguin... Riddler has used it before I'm sure)

[Jewish_Joke]

Very simple. I'd whack Robin.

Loosing his third tennage sidekick due to his 'War on Crime' would be enough to drive him, well... Batty!

That, or I'd pick off the parents of every kid I saw coming out of the movie theatre. That would get him going.


HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

[The Demented One]

All I have to do is trick him into saying Candlejack. Once that's done, I wi

[prufock]

That's the problem with heroes that don't have superpowers. If they don't have superpowers, they don't have super-weaknesses.

He has one weakness. Bullets.