Worst player ever? [Any]

[Dubious Pie]

I DM 3.5e D&D. I had one player "Tim", who would only play female elf Wu-Jens. Wu-Jens have to take certain player created "taboos". The problem is that "Tim" was a massive pervert. Here are some jems:

• Must not bathe.
• Must eat only meat that has been left in the feces of the type animal that it came from for at least a week.
• Must not wear clothes.
• Must eat only own excrement and drink only own urine.
• Must eat vomit-inducing plants at all meals, followed by eating the vomit.

And those are just the ones I can say on these here forums. List your own stories of bad players here!

[Keld Denar]

Google The Lanky Bugger or the Return of Lanky

I bet very few people have had to call the cops on another player during a game...

[balistafreak]

@Dubious Pie: How did "Tim" ever become a player at your table?

[Kylarra]

@Dubious Pie: How did "Tim" ever become a player at your table?

Or get away with such taboos.

[Sergeantbrother]

I believe that those eating taboos would be lethal in short order. I think that the only one of those I would allow is the prohibition on bathing.

[Talon Sky]

Next taboo: must use the bathroom on the defeated corpse of any enemy personally slain, raise as a zombie, and then defile sexually before being allowed to slay the next enemy.

:D

[Dubious Pie]

As for why Tim got to play, it is simple. He was already in the group playing a (female, of course) Dwarf Warblade who died. Then he went insane and starting the aforementioned stuff. As for why he was allowed the taboos, I did not read them past the first one. It was a failure on my part. He did get kicked out after he was caught violating a toilet paper tube in the bathroom during a session.

Next taboo: must use the bathroom on the defeated corpse of any enemy personally slain, raise as a zombie, and then defile sexually before being allowed to slay the next enemy.

:D

Except for the zombie part, that was one of the taboos.

[Dr.Epic]

Worst I had was a player who never showed up for sessions. He'd always kept us late so we'd start the adventure without them and then they'd show up and the DM would have to have a talk to them about how they catch up. Sometimes he wouldn't show up at all. One time we climbed half a mountain and by the other player (a gnome) caught up, we were all sleeping so I took him (I was playing a barbarian) and decided to use the new object I found (it was dark) and use it as a pillow. Eventually we all got tired of him being late so we just killed off his character.

[Vitruviansquid]

Lol. We had a new player in the group once, where we were all teenage boys.

He played a female healer and, upon his first act of healing, he says, "I heal so-and-so... with my sexual healing."

The game grinds to a stop immediately as we all stare at him.

[Talon Sky]

Except for the zombie part, that was one of the taboos.

Awesome psychic powers ^_^

[drengnikrafe]

I thought I knew what a bad player was, until I read this thread... I'll share anyway, though it's not as... awful.

Actually, it's a tie. First, D&D 3.x,we have the person who would only play elf druids, but always forgot he could cast spells, and forgot about his animal companion. Also, he forgot his weapon proficiencies and armor restrictions. And his skills. And his personality. And... Well, that's pretty much it.
Second, CoC, we have the idiot who, after circumventing the vertical cave of an awful eldritch beast in pure darkness who growled deathly growls and shot out tentacles, decided to go back (after he was safe and away) and shoot at it with his shotgun. The problem wasn't this one incident. The problem is that he ALWAYS did stupid things like that.

[Xallace]

Lol. We had a new player in the group once, where we were all teenage boys.

He played a female healer and, upon his first act of healing, he says, "I heal so-and-so... with my sexual healing."

The game grinds to a stop immediately as we all stare at him.

Hey, it's like that one time I played a female character! Except it was the rest of the party who was overly sexual! And misogynist! Yeah!

There was one guy who came up with an interesting character, a backstory with plenty of adventure hooks, and a great circumstance for getting into the party. He then proceeded to ignore every single one of those things and refused to go on adventures while the party tried to convince him for the sake of the game. Such passive-aggressiveness I have not seen since in D&D.

There was another guy who believed that his fighter was the party face and stomped all over the bard's spotlight. His way of being the "face" involved talking at half speed, making sure to never use monosyllabic words if he could avoid it, and starting every single sentence with three honorifics.

But my experience is more with terrible DMs than players.

[Eurus]

There was another guy who believed that his fighter was the party face and stomped all over the bard's spotlight. His way of being the "face" involved talking at half speed, making sure to never use monosyllabic words if he could avoid it, and starting every single sentence with three honorifics.

That's arguably a pretty good way of roleplaying 8 charisma, heh.

[Optimystik]

You're obliged to give him circumstance penalties for nasty taboos, FYI. I doubt his character's breath/odor will be very favorable after doing disgusting things like that, resulting in huge penalties to Diplomacy, for instance. When the party meets with the king, have the guards make him wait outside, etc.

[HamHam]

I am usually a very liberal DM when it comes to part alignment. But there is a certain person who is no longer allowed to play evil characters. Or Jedi. Especially not evil Jedi.

He got killed by his own party in the first session, not once, but twice doing the last one.

[Xallace]

That's arguably a pretty good way of roleplaying 8 charisma, heh.

You have a point! It would have been funny had the player not been so convinced that his diplomatic expertise were necessary. Or if the bard ever actually got a chance to say something.

[tcrudisi]

Since my real name is Tim, I'll pretend to take offense to the OP (note: I really didn't) and call my worst player ever "Dubious Pie" (another note: It's not really the OP).

"Dubious Pie" in 4e is a fake lemming. You know the computer games where the lemmings all run off cliffs unless you can navigate the stage properly and help them survive? He's that, except not as good at taking directions.

Once he died in the first combat. Since we were tired of resurrecting him, he went to create a new character. He comes back and dies in the first encounter with that character. He just... well, he ignores advise and does his own thing, which results in him dieing a lot.

Now, that's fine. Bad players know how to die a lot. What makes him the worst?

In one combat, I was the healer. Due to the combat, I got stuck 6 squares away from my allies (we were all immobilized), so I could not heal them. In fact, it was a moot point, as I went down first. Slowly they went down. We were down to 2 people: "Dubious Pie" and another guy. Now, "Dubious Pie" was playing a wizard and could do fire damage to which these monsters were vulnerable. He asks what he should do. We all tell him, "Give Tim a healing potion to bring him back up, he has 3 heals he can use!" He says, "Okay, I can attack and then give him the potion." "No, no... it takes a standard action to give him the potion... don't attack, give him the potion!"

After a few minutes of explaining why it won't work, he says he understands. He proceeds to attack, killing nothing, and then places the healing potion on my chest. So I can drink it on my turn. Even though I'm unconscious.

Because, apparently, dropping a healing potion on an unconscious friends chest is enough to bring them back up. Rrrriiiiggghhhhttt.

Luckily, I rolled a 20 on my death saving throw and popped back up, brought everyone back up, and we survived. We should have died (at one point we were all unconscious), but we asked the DM to play it out and due to incredibly lucky rolling survived.

No thanks to "Dubious Pie." And he makes mistakes like this ALL the time. Usually, thank goodness, he just manages to kill himself.

[Xefas]

I suppose the theoretical "Worst Player Ever" is the one you tell to bring the chips, because someone else is bringing the salsa, and everyone else is splitting the pizza bill, but instead they end the human race via nuclear holocaust.

My personal "Worst Player" was just bitter and antagonistic. Made the game not fun for everyone else for a few sessions. We tried to talk him out of it; sat down and had mature conversations. Didn't work, so we kicked him. Not a whole lot of drama.

[Lord Loss]

Some guy tried to break my arm cause i forgot Tome Of Magic at home...

[Iuliano05]

my worst player ever was a DM and player combo. It involved a lot of favoritism, way over powered items, and just stupid amount of well stupidity. It got to the point where me (Evil Sorc) just started killing said player every time he did something stupid in real life. Like stare at my GF's Tits all night long till she didn't want to come because it was creepy. Oh I have a character in my group who started off playing a commoner with commoner stats, took survivor from Savage Species and then took samurai. Granted its very hilarious that he ligament survived while doing dumb stuff like trying to hand fed a ghoul some fish.

[Optimystik]

Some guy tried to break my arm cause i forgot Tome Of Magic at home...

Yeah, I wouldn't play with that guy.

[Critical]

I DM 3.5e D&D. I had one player "Tim", who would only play female elf Wu-Jens. Wu-Jens have to take certain player created "taboos". The problem is that "Tim" was a massive pervert. Here are some jems:

• Must not bathe.
• Must eat only meat that has been left in the feces of the type animal that it came from for at least a week.
• Must not wear clothes.
• Must eat only own excrement and drink only own urine.
• Must eat vomit-inducing plants at all meals, followed by eating the vomit.

And those are just the ones I can say on these here forums. List your own stories of bad players here!

One Wu Jen One Cup.

[Ilmryn]

The worst player i ever played with would never read the rules. Usually this ended up with her playing a bard that could basically do nothing but sing, for +1, but one time she was playing a druid, when she suddenly announces that she is casting 'A Thousand Fires'. We search through the PHB, the spell compendium, etc., but no such spell exists. Finally, the DM decides that it is a Fire Storm. After the session, we find out that she simply misread 'A Thousand Faces'. Gah! She had just written down her abilities and some spells she thought sounded cool without actually having a clue what they did.

[Dubious Pie]

One Wu Jen One Cup.

I am... surprised no one brought that up earlier.

[Evard]

Worst player ever?

I was playing in a 4e game, I was a fighter, he was a sorcerer, and there was a pacifist cleric... We were fighting the BBEG and the sorcerer got knocked to 0 hp (we were level 30) after about 45 minutes of the mega battle... He huffs and puffs and storms out of the room pissed that "he lost" ... The rest of us were kinda O_o because the next round the Cleric walked 1 square and healed him to full HP... He then proceeded to tell me how much he hated me haha all because his optimized sorcerer "lost" and my average fighter didn't die... haha I almost feel sorry for the jerk.

[Popertop]

we have a player in our group who right now is playing a wild shape druid (no prestige class to help him be better at it, probably not even natural spell or wild feats, just straight druid) who is Neutral Good. But the form he chooses is a Green dragon. Like, I know it's not that important, but did you have to choose a chromatic dragon, evil alignment, when you're a good aligned druid? Like srsly, there are tons of metallic dragons, but you had to pick a green dragon. And he wasn't even using the extra bonuses druids get to whatever they wildshape into, he was just using the base template. BASE TEMPLATE I tell you. Then he managed to completely ignore the discussion about how the wizard in the party who was riding a gold dragon had antimagic field up, and decides to go fly right by him. He gets knocked out of wildshape and falls a certain amount of feet, taking like 80 points of damage.

On another occasion, he was playing a ranger and using his animal companion as "bait", making it walk forward into the darkness like 50 feet in front of him incase something attacks it so he can get away and be safe. Yeah, way to respect nature there pal.

He's also a very bad roleplayer in case you couldn't already tell.

[Vitruviansquid]

Worst player ever?

I was playing in a 4e game, I was a fighter, he was a sorcerer, and there was a pacifist cleric... We were fighting the BBEG and the sorcerer got knocked to 0 hp (we were level 30) after about 45 minutes of the mega battle... He huffs and puffs and storms out of the room pissed that "he lost" ... The rest of us were kinda O_o because the next round the Cleric walked 1 square and healed him to full HP... He then proceeded to tell me how much he hated me haha all because his optimized sorcerer "lost" and my average fighter didn't die... haha I almost feel sorry for the jerk.

What is... "lost"?

[FoE]

I once gamed with a guy who turned out to be a homicidal robot. Only the DM and I survived the end of the campaign, and that's only because I remembered to ask him about the meaning of life.

Great roleplayer, though.

[akma]

I once DMed to a player that everytime he met an enemy he decided to defect to the other side. Luckily, it was a 1 on 1 game, and most of the time both of us sayed jokes. It was actully fun, and in the end I simply did not allow him to defect.

[Kaje]

Not much bad has happened in my limited experience. Probably the worst is really quite tame by the standards of the rest of this thread. In Returners Final Fantasy RPG, a player insisted, despite all our warnings, on playing a Moogle Thief, thief being probably the worst job in the game. He showed up for his first session late, and hadn't given a single thought to who his character was, so he quickly decided to play him like a kleptomaniac Kender, using every action to try (and fail) to steal gil rather than actually contribute to the battle. He hadn't even decided on a name yet, so had us call him Mog (the most cliche Moogle name ever). He didn't last past one session.