Have you ever dealt with THAT guy?

[Acero]

Though of it while reading this article (Warning: good bit of language) and made me wonder if anyone else had dealth with this type of player/DM or something similar. if you don't want to click the link, ill put the jist of it below

Spoiler

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Herk the Moonsbane hefted his gargantuan blade, the weight of it causing even his immense form to stumble momentarily. He spat on the ground, grinned over at his comrades -- most of them beaten, bloody, and half-alive -- and he took a step forward. And then another. His pace quickened and inertia took over, the top-heavy weight of the blade above his head impelling his charge. The great beast before him ground its jaws together, and it was a noise like waves crashing. The dragon spread its milky, translucent wings and shuffled its body to better face the screaming berserker. The air around Herk went cold as it rushed past him; the dragon was inhaling, filling its massive lungs in preparation for another hellish, inferno blast. It lifted its head, twisted its serpentine neck back, and planted its huge claws to brace for the release.


And Herk saw his chance.

Every limb and joint felt pushed beyond its breaking point, his thick leg muscles practically tearing themselves from his very bones, but still he plunged onward. Herk reached the mouth of the canyon just as the flames began their first crackling spit from the monster's mouth. Leaping up onto a narrow ledge, he pushed off a small boulder, and flung himself just above the beast's scream of fire. One foot briefly contacted the back of its spined skull, and then he was rolling -- down across the great neck, along the crook of the wing, and finally to the ground. He hit and spun, barely pausing to secure his footing before concentrating all of his rage, grief, sorrow, and desperation into one mighty blow. With a rending scream, Herk sent his thick, wide foot flying, where it made full and mighty impact with the dragon's testicles. The beast coughed once, the flames catching in its throat, its eyes gone wide, and went as if to topple to the ground -- but Herk was there below it still, rapidly and forcefully kicking the monster right in its scaly gumballs over and over and over again.

[Mongoose87]

He'd provoke so many AoOs with those unarmed attacks!

[Lycan 01]

Several.

There was one girl in particular who tried to shove her rather-spikey morningstar up a dragon's butt while it had its back to her. I had to fudge the rolls a bit, because even though I told her I didn't know what sort of rolls were needed for that, she wanted to make attack rolls for it anyway.

She tried the same tactic - in the same fight - again, only this time with a flame-creating organ ripped from a fire beatle. Once again, rolls were fudged...

[Tvtyrant]

"I mouthed twenty at him again"

[RndmNumGen]

He'd provoke so many AoOs with those unarmed attacks!

Not if he bribed the DM. But yeah... no. If that situation occurs and the DM isn't willing to take action, the best thing to do is just leave the group.

[Drakevarg]

...WHAT testicles?

[Edit]: Beyond that, I don't see what the problem is. I thought it was hilarious until the Fridge Logic set in.

[Zephyros]

Not THAT guy as much as THAT group. They do exist so either you roll with it, or avoid imposing it on yourself.

[Eldan]

...WHAT testicles?

[Edit]: Beyond that, I don't see what the problem is. I thought it was hilarious until the Fridge Logic set in.

Internal ones. You just need a hard enough boot.

[dsmiles]

We've only done stuff like that in comedic games. And even then, only rarely.

[Spiryt]

Wow, If it was meant to be comedy or stuff it was pretty nice, otherwise, it was perfectly, absolutely lame.

[akma]

In a game session I was in a few funny, completly unseries things heppened.
There was a one time player who stole the stomaches of every black dragon we killed that day (about 8), and even wore one of which as a hat.
Also, this conversation (with another player) heppened:
Player: "I go to bite the most wounded dragon ass."
The DM: "Ok, you bite the dead dragon ass."
Shortly afterwards he licked the dragon`s ass. We all laughed, actully.

[WarKitty]

I'm pretty sure reptiles don't have external testes...and who said all monsters are male?

[RaveingRonin]

I had a DM once who thought that rape and sodomy and other such fun topics were fantastic ways to express role-playing, and imposed on all her (GM)PC's the uncontrollable urge to either screw anything that moved including but not limited to: Oozes, Half-Fiend Minotaurs, Aberrations, and in one HORRIFYING session, a hybrid shifted werebear
Or to be diddled by such creatures in due course. The worst part was her rape of lore and fluff in generic campaign settings, where drow and elves constantly engaged in acts that would make Slaanesh turn pink(er) at the sheer indecency. Cthulhu had nothing on her (2d10/d% sanity loss per game session please).
On occasion me and my new gaming group have some silly moments, but nothing on THAT scale. Such is the nature of the beast named D&D; THAT guy/girl will worm his/her way into your group at one point or the other, and the horrors that follow them could fill a tomb.

[Acero]

I'm pretty sure reptiles don't have external testes...and who said all monsters are male?

"It's all you ever do! How did we defeat the Orcs in the Swamp of Sorrow?"

"Ball-kicks," I answered immediately.

"And the Direwolves at Winterfell?"

"Right in the furry little jewels."

"And the Beholder?"

"Ha! That was a good one! You said he didn't even have balls, remember? So I had to cast a spell of Ball Summoning on him and-"

[Serpentine]

I'm pretty sure reptiles don't have external testes...and who said all monsters are male?

To be fair, a blow to the vajayjay hurts like Hell too, and I wouldn't be surprised if a cloaca would be similar.

[SamsDisciple]

Honestly I don't mind the balls crushing tactics if used every once in a while but what I do mind is when somebody steamrolls the entire campaign with their humor which is not funny to everybody else. When only one person has fun then they should probably get a reality check if not a visit to the psychiatrist (which the guy in the article desperately needs)

[Coidzor]

Ugh. One of my friends apparently shot off a minotaur's genitalia in a game last week and claimed it as her dwarven fighter's treasure.

That's both TMI and I can never look at this woman the same way again.

[Goudaa]

We have a player in our game that makes knowledge rolls on mobs and when the DM tells him he can ask # of questions on the monster he always asks the same question:

"Can I **** it"

[golentan]

I have fortunately never had to deal with THAT guy, but I have had players who have crossed some lines, yes.

[Susano-wo]

I'm pretty sure reptiles don't have external testes...and who said all monsters are male?

to be fair, the dragon is question did(have testes, and thus was male, I mean), so that's why the discussion focused on it.
and thank god, I've never quite had to deal with that level of that guy/girl

worst I've seen is someone playing a dwarf captive tryingto pee on their captors

[absolmorph]

The closest I have to "THAT guy" is a player who wanted to pick up women. Which, given that his backstory was, in order: soldier in an army (with lots of men), pirate (with lots of men) and banditry (with lots of men), and he's recently joined a primarily male mercenary group (the PCs), I allowed it.
And he had to buy a Remove Disease casting from a discrete cleric.
That was the only time it happened

EDIT: Oh, and a player kept trying to poop on a cell wall. I don't really get that one.

[WarKitty]

We did have a player equipped with a knee spike once for attacks to that area...it was actually fun. Of course this was a completely non-serious campaign from the start.

[Duos Greanleef]

I once gave one of the enemies a Belt of Masculinity/Femininity because there wasn't any actual treasure to be had with these guys. One of the players rolled a natural 20 on his identification roll, and we established that the effect would be a permanent curse, and that the item would sell for a hefty price (to the right sort of people).
He puts it on. *facepalm*
He decides that he doesn't want the resident cleric to cast Remove Curse, but to make it a major character goal to get his "Man Giblets" back. *double facepalm*
After some discussion, I let him do that because it was about the only bit of character development he'd come up with.

[jinx1016]

i once dm'd a player who would sodomize everything he killed, but he had to kill it first and no one else could touch it. also dm'd a player who collected genitalia and made a necklace of them after she defeated people.

[Spiryt]

i once dm'd a player who would sodomize everything he killed, but he had to kill it first and no one else could touch it. also dm'd a player who collected genitalia and made a necklace of them after she defeated people.

I must say that I would excuse them for a moment, going to the shop for pack of chips, and I would never come back.

[Cogidubnus]

Ohnomybrainjustdied. "It's like Rule 34: If it exists, there's a chart for it".

The closest I've come was a player who wanted to kill everyone we met who wasn't immediately shown off as being invincible. Course, a few threatened curses kept him under control.

[Katana_Geldar]

I have had a player wanting to castrate the dragon and use the balls as bolas. That same player kept trying to castrate another dragon that was busy killing us.

After that I just said that I wasn't comfortable having these sorts of things in my games.

[Frosty]

Several.

There was one girl in particular who tried to shove her rather-spikey morningstar up a dragon's butt while it had its back to her. I had to fudge the rolls a bit, because even though I told her I didn't know what sort of rolls were needed for that, she wanted to make attack rolls for it anyway.

She tried the same tactic - in the same fight - again, only this time with a flame-creating organ ripped from a fire beatle. Once again, rolls were fudged...

I'd say that she would roll the attack as normal, and she "succeeds" in the shoving if her attack is a confirmed critical. If the dragon was flat-footed somehow (they have Blind-sense so it'd be pretty hard) then give a bonus to the critical confirmation roll.

[Tengu_temp]

If a player's action is stupid or makes you feel uncomfortable, it's much better to say "you try and fail" or "don't do that at my table" than "okay, you can try but at a hefty penalty". It only makes the player think you're okay with this behaviour, and will probably encourage him/her to powergame the character into becoming as effective with this action as possible. Especially if it gives some bonuses in addition to the penalty.

[Susano-wo]

man, Katana, I laughed at that first one there...but I would have been totally annoyed by the second, for sure (and possibly the first, depending on cirumstances)

Oh I thought of another 'that guy.' He had a character took fingers from his kills and tied them into a necklace. he left them this way as they decomposed into finger bones... (this player consistently powergames, likes to play evil charatcters so he can still be PRing and be a sociopath, and generally performs jerkassery.

In our 4E game before he just stopped showing up..which was kinda fine by a lot of us...really doubt he'll be playing with us again :P...he started playing a Shaman, since we had no leader type.

My Barb is a reckless, loves a challenge and loves battle type[i refflavored his rage is getting reaaaaly excited about the fight :P], which has caused some...difficulties in battle (this was alwo before i realized that CHA barb seemed cool at first, what I really wanted was CON barb, so he had issues staying up and running). He decided to tell me that if I charged ahead into battle recklessly again (after doing it precisely once), he would refuse to heal me.