Help, I'm not funny!

[Piedmon_Sama]

My longrunning D&D campaign has ground to a halt recently, with no games in weeks. The reason for this is we are at a point in the campaign's storyline where what I want to happen, and what I feel needs to happen, is beyond my abilities as a writer and storyteller.

The short version is, the party's at a point in the campaign where they must go to the Gnomes and ask for an airship (an incredibly rare and valuable vehicle possessed only by the Gnomes) to continue their journey. Gnomish culture, in this campaign, strongly endorses wit and joke-tellling; to the point where Comedian is an honored and esteemed position in their society, like a cross between a politician and professional athlete to us.

The party itself has a PC who's a Gnome Bard. He is one of these elite comedians, though he hasn't been back in the home country for years, and his greatest goal is to be immortalized as one of the all-time great comedians--a man who could make the very heavens rumble with laughter. His nemesis is the current Top Dog, G.G. Gnomicus (all gnomes follow a two-initial + surname pattern; the Bard is named F.F. Fizzlebottom). Aquiring an airship will mean making an appeal before the Gnomes' leading council (the GECCO, Gnomish Economic Coordination COuncil), and it will come down to Fizzlebottom making his case before the board.

Since we are very close (a few sessions, I hope) from the climax of the campaign here is the place to bring Fizzlebottom's arc to a natural conclusion--G.G. Gnomicus needs to confront him before the Council, and make a case against trusting or believing these Outsiders (the fate of the world is hanging in the balance but the Gnomes are very isolationist and know nothing of this). Fizzlebottom slams him down in the truest Gnome fashion, with a witty putdown.

Problem is, I'm not actually funny or good at what is supposed to be a battle of wits (as opposed to my friend, who plays Fizzlebottom and is very good at delivering a sharp bon mot). I've been dragging my feet building to this moment, even throwing a huge plot-altering battle in the way because agh god I just can't do this.

Does anyone have experience at playing out these kind of PC/NPC battle of wits type things? It will essentially take the form of a debate with Fizzlebottom arguing why the Gnomes should trust the outlanders, and Gnomicus against giving one of the most valuable pieces of gnome technology to barbarians from some cockamamy story. Peppering their arguments, both need to deliver stinging barbs or witty asides to please the Council. Any suggestions or, hell, notes or recollections of good stings I can save and use in the game, are warmly appreciated!

[Yuki Akuma]

"Hey guys, I'm not actually very good at this sort of thing, so do you think we could skip it and get on to something I'm actually good at, rather than wasting everybody's time with my awful attempts at humour?"

Just a thought.

[Piedmon_Sama]

Maybe it's the smartest thing to do but I know if I was Fizz's player, and here's my archnemesis on stage at last and the DM says "roll a diplo check. Okay, he rolls his--you win!" I'd just feel cheated. It's not that I can't admit I have weaknesses either, I already told the group how nervous I am about this upcoming session and why, but I haven't said we should skip over it yet and I hope I won't have to. The least I could do is really try RPing it and abort if it falls flat rather than writing it off.

[Yuki Akuma]

Is there anyone else in the group who is funny who you can trust to roleplay an important NPC?

[Piedmon_Sama]

Actually yeah, that's a very good idea! There is someone else I think could maybe pull off the role a lot better than me, and his character (Killoren Duskblade) wouldn't have a lot to do in the peaceful Gnome capital anyway.

[TheThan]

hrrm have you considered browsing the net for some good whitty retorts to steal and adapt them a bit for Gnomish culture. that's a good place to start.

[nihil8r]

watch a bunch of stand up routines and write down the jokes.

[Starscream]

hrrm have you considered browsing the net for some good whitty retorts to steal and adapt them a bit for Gnomish culture. that's a good place to start.

That's probably what I'd do.

It also helps to have a particular individual in mind to imitate or quote. The greatest comedians weren't just about funny jokes, they had a whole character and tone that helped them deliver those jokes for maximum chuckles.

Take any two very different comedians you know of, and imagine them switching jokes but not tones and inflections. 9 times out of 10 you'll find that this would make them a lot less funny, no matter how good the jokes are.

I had a DM who did a lot of this (our games were rather lighthearted, so there were plenty of jokes). He was very gifted at impressions, and he'd always "play" some classic comedian when he wanted to be funny. I was the only other guy at the table who watches a lot of old school comedy, so I'm the only one who could tell that the guy who kept trying to sell us shady merchandise sounded like Phil Silvers, and the local magistrate was W.C. Fields.

[Tiki Snakes]

Actually yeah, that's a very good idea! There is someone else I think could maybe pull off the role a lot better than me, and his character (Killoren Duskblade) wouldn't have a lot to do in the peaceful Gnome capital anyway.

If he'd enjoy the opportunity, I think you have solved your problem.

[McStabbington]

One thing you could do is play to your strengths. It sounds that while you aren't very witty, you are good at planning and world-building. So use that to your advantage: the reason G.G. Gnomicus is so legendary isn't because he's as good at wittiness and joke telling as F.F. Fizzlebottom; it's because he has a mind-control device that makes the audience think he's hysterical. So the game becomes not one of beating a clearly wittier character, but getting the other person to unmask Gnomicus as a fraud who can't compete with him in the first place.

[An Enemy Spy]

One thing you could do is play to your strengths. It sounds that while you aren't very witty, you are good at planning and world-building. So use that to your advantage: the reason G.G. Gnomicus is so legendary isn't because he's as good at wittiness and joke telling as F.F. Fizzlebottom; it's because he has a mind-control device that makes the audience think he's hysterical. So the game becomes not one of beating a clearly wittier character, but getting the other person to unmask Gnomicus as a fraud who can't compete with him in the first place.

That's actually a much better conclusion. Not only does Fizzlebottom *snicker* win, but his enemy is thouroughly and forever disgraced!

[Mando Knight]

Actually yeah, that's a very good idea! There is someone else I think could maybe pull off the role a lot better than me, and his character (Killoren Duskblade) wouldn't have a lot to do in the peaceful Gnome capital anyway.

Similar to this idea, in a Battletech game I was in last spring, one of the players was challenging an NPC for a Bloodname (for those unversed in Battletech lore, in short it was a Big Freaking Deal for characters of the Clan factions, of which the player's character was an exile), and rather than making us sit around to watch the fight, he had us roll the opponent's dice.