LGBTAitp 29: the Rainbow Outreach Program

[Coidzor]

It drives me up the bleedin wall! I mean for feck's sake! A woman's "professional" look involves so much more hassle, expense and discomfort than a man's and it makes me angry enough to ... something bad! I just want a snappy trouser suit and a pair of comfortable, neat leather flats and a neat short hairdo and have that be taken as "professional". No heels, no make-up, no skirt, no elaborate hair, no perfume. It is not a party! It is work!

Not to delve into politics, but it sounds like you're describing the outfit that Hilary Clinton is most known for wearing and that I swear was made popular for at least part of the 90s because of her and one or two others. Granted, I'm not positive on the flats.

So, yeah, it's professional but only if you've got enough power or work for a company that isn't pants on head... Or be in academia/the sciences. I know I've certainly seen professional women in roughly equivalent garb in professional settings, though the only ones I've interacted with to any degree have all indicated that they actually liked high heels aside from the women who were tall enough that they didn't need heels or who looked weird in heels such as my mother who breaks 6'/1.82m in heels and my ex-fiance who was taller than I was when in heels and had to search for a pair of shoes that was enough to count as heeled but not so much as to cause people to feel unnerved, physically inadequate, and intimidated. Which is its own kettle of fish...

So... I just found out my mom has like, 6 months to live yesterday.

I'm sorry.

So I attempted explaining to my mother today that I am:

A) Asexual (I really find no joy in it)
B) Panamorous (I can love people regardless of gender alignment)
C) Not a virgin
D) Not religious

Now, my mother's a fairly (read: very) intelligent woman, if often unreasonable, stubborn, and close-minded, and etc. So I expected a somewhat even, if disappointed response.

I got:

A) "No you're not, humans have hormones, and we don't reproduce by budding."
B) "Please, you're a sociopath. You don't even love me and I gave birth to you!"
C) "Oh you are such a liar. I thought you were asexual?"
D) "Get out of my house."


So...maybe I should try again next time she's looped out on meds?

Sir, I think you've found the finest example of "wat" that I have laid eyes upon all year.

I wish I had some good advice for you, but I don't. I mean, I could say that it sounds like she doesn't want any information about that component of yourself and like there's potentially some kind of counseling in order if your own mother is calling you a sociopath, but really, that's the sort of thing that'd really require additional context.

They were also status-symbols for European royalty, signifying their greatness by the length of the heel. Nicely illustrated by Louis XIV of France here.

I would say that a person known as the Sun King might be a good fashion rolemodel, thus I propose that professional attire be changed to faux-ermine cloaks, Fleur-de-lis coats, white stockings and high heels for everybody. X3

On the other hand, either he or his father were instrumental in the popularization of the neck tie.

[ScionoftheVoid]

It's not something you're supposed to say regularly, no, though forming a liaison with a friend would change things in that there's now a liaison where there was none before regardless of one's openness to forming liaisons in the first place. It might not be considered of any more note or weight than joining someone's D&D game or poker night, but it's still something different.

I honestly couldn't fathom life either as someone who was incapable of friendship with those one doesn't find sexually attractive or someone who is sexually attracted to everyone nor had I heard of anyone like that existing in this reality.

And if you're just adding "would take on as a lover" as a requirement for using the term friend then you're basically setting yourself up for communication difficulties.

True, of course.

Spoilering Scion weirdness so people don't have to scroll past it:

Spoiler

Show

There's a difference between "sexually attracted to" and "willing to be sexual with". I'm asexual, but have enough trust in those I would call friends to do almost anything for them. I would, in all seriousness, attempt to kill myself if one of my friends genuinely asked me to. They never would, and in fact explicitly tell me not to, but it is within what I'm willing to do for them. Sex would really not bother me, if requested sincerely (and all appropriate precautions taken, obviously).

That might be the case, but because anyone I trust enough to call a friend I'd trust enough to be lovers with, not because I only call people friends if I would be willing to take them on as a lover. And there are people who fall under acquaintances that I'd be a partner to who I do not consider friends (though I'd probably start to think of someone as a friend if they became a lover).

[Selpharia]

So I attempted explaining to my mother today that I am:

A) Asexual (I really find no joy in it)
B) Panamorous (I can love people regardless of gender alignment)
C) Not a virgin
D) Not religious

Now, my mother's a fairly (read: very) intelligent woman, if often unreasonable, stubborn, and close-minded, and etc. So I expected a somewhat even, if disappointed response.

I got:

A) "No you're not, humans have hormones, and we don't reproduce by budding."
B) "Please, you're a sociopath. You don't even love me and I gave birth to you!"
C) "Oh you are such a liar. I thought you were asexual?"
D) "Get out of my house."


So...maybe I should try again next time she's looped out on meds?

That's awful. I agree with Keveak, I'm not sure your mom is quite using "sociopath" correctly, it sounds like she'a just using it to be snippy in a passive-aggressive way. Although you certainly shouldn't say so, I do wonder at the richness of someone calling another person a sociopath when their response to "I'm not religious" is "Get out of my house." I hope that it was just the surprise of revelation that made her talk like that, and that she'll realize that this isn't the kind of thing that should make you never speak again or anything so extreme as that. I definitely don't think she's right either in saying that or in calling you a sociopath. Have you mentioned any of this to your dad? Maybe he can moderate the situation a little bit, if that's possible.

*hugs*

~Laura

[noparlpf]

Oh my, that is a terrible reaction. Why would someone be so dismissive of a person they willingly raised, or anyone at all? ;_;

If you were a sociopath, wouldn't you not be caring what your parents think? How is "I wish to tell you the truth, despite knowing you may react badly" equivalent to not caring for others' feelings? Or am I missing the definition of sociopathy used? It appears to be almost the same as psychopathy. ^_^'

I really hope you can actually try again and succeed later, nobody should be treated like that or be trapped in a mindset that treat others like that. Hope it goes well and much support if you need it.

Sociopath and psychopath don't have formal psychological definitions currently, going by the online version of the DSM-IV I've been using (though the DSM-V is basically official now it hasn't been published yet and besides it looks like poop so far). So from what I understand they're roughly equivalent semi-colloquial words that are generally used to describe various diagnoses like Antisocial Personality Disorder (in adults), Conduct Disorder (usually in children), and Oppositional Defiant Disorder (in children and sometimes adults).

[ScionoftheVoid]

So I attempted explaining to my mother today that I am:

A) Asexual (I really find no joy in it)
B) Panamorous (I can love people regardless of gender alignment)
C) Not a virgin
D) Not religious

Now, my mother's a fairly (read: very) intelligent woman, if often unreasonable, stubborn, and close-minded, and etc. So I expected a somewhat even, if disappointed response.

I got:

A) "No you're not, humans have hormones, and we don't reproduce by budding."
B) "Please, you're a sociopath. You don't even love me and I gave birth to you!"
C) "Oh you are such a liar. I thought you were asexual?"
D) "Get out of my house."


So...maybe I should try again next time she's looped out on meds?

That is an incredibly disheartening response, I hope you haven't taken it hard. Is leaving some helpful website addresses around an option? It's obviously up to you if you want to try again, and how to do so, but I've no advice on that front.

[TechnoScrabble]

Oh my, that is a terrible reaction. Why would someone be so dismissive of a person they willingly raised, or anyone at all? ;_;

Actually, I only just recently lived with my mother, and I'll be moving out at the end of the year. Some dude who isn't even my father and didn't know my mom at the time just decided to take care of me, so I call him dad.

If you were a sociopath, wouldn't you not be caring what your parents think? How is "I wish to tell you the truth, despite knowing you may react badly" equivalent to not caring for others' feelings? Or am I missing the definition of sociopathy used? It appears to be almost the same as psychopathy. ^_^'

She's called me a sociopath whenever she's upset with me since I was eight, when she found out that word is my kryptonite. Something about that word just makes me really, really hurt.

Is it worth it to you to try again later?

I'd like for my mother to accept some part of my personality at some point in my life.

Have you mentioned any of this to your dad? Maybe he can moderate the situation a little bit, if that's possible.

I spoke to my 'Dad' (read above if confused)) about it, and he honestly doesn't care either way, though he's upset with mom's response.. He never lived with my mother, he's also nonreligious, and he's just about the fruitiest straight man I know, so it's not a surprise that he'd be okay with it.

Thanks for the support, guys, gals, and gender-neutral pronouns.

[pffh]

Your dad sounds like a cool bloke.

[Mono Vertigo]

She's called me a sociopath whenever she's upset with me since I was eight, when she found out that word is my kryptonite. Something about that word just makes me really, really hurt.

...
*massages own temples*
I don't even know where to begin. That's fracked up. That's what it is. Fracked up. It's too late in the evening for me to deal with that.
Good luck.

[TechnoScrabble]

Your dad sounds like a cool bloke.

You guys are great and all, but as far as I'm concerned he's the best person I know. He's always judged me fairly, he took me on his travels around the world, he taught me a good chunk of what I know about the world, got me into science, german techno, Star Wars, dinosaurs, steampunk, gothic rock, and countless other things, taught me to play chess and poker, and I think he might enjoy playing with legos and nerf guns a slight bit more than I do.

...
Good luck.

Thanks.

[Mono Vertigo]

From your description, your dad sounds like a very precious person. He's family. I hope he'll help you accomplish yourself and feel better in general.

[Nate the Snake]

So, I haven't posted for a while, but I have a couple things to unload on a thread full of friendly people:

-I've been contemplating the pros and cons of talking to my parents about closets and the coming out thereof, so .
-Some otherwise-nice people I know have been making disparaging general comments about related topics, so more and also .

And that's not even counting Miscellaneous Life Stuff.

[Arachu]

Booked an appointment with the recommended endo for mid January today, so that's done at last after a few delays

Yay~

Thanks everyone for the sympathies and nice words. Managed to get my hands on the clothes package today after a bit more running around, which is good. Now just to wait around for the endo letter~

Awesome~! ^_^

Hugs or preferred gestures of similar purpose for everyone, to begin.

Hi again. I've been feeling a bit lonely, lately, and that may well get worse as the winter continues. Almost everyone is leaving campus over the holidays, and I'm having some computer issues so staying in touch is going to be more difficult than I had anticipated.
Fortunately one person (who I am allowed to cuddle with, yay~) will be around most of the time, and I'll be trying to find the few other people left. But for the next few days I have no-one to hug or cuddle up with.
And then my cuddlebuddy of the last few months is leaving for home at the beginning of next week, and I probably won't see her in person for at least a year... And she's been rather distant recently, and since she has another partner I've been struggling to figure out why she needs to put up with me at all...
I have been wondering if deciding to stay may have been a bit dangerous for my health...

*So many hugs*

So... I just found out my mom has like, 6 months to live yesterday.

*Hugs!* :<

So I attempted explaining to my mother today that I am:

A) Asexual (I really find no joy in it)
B) Panamorous (I can love people regardless of gender alignment)
C) Not a virgin
D) Not religious

Now, my mother's a fairly (read: very) intelligent woman, if often unreasonable, stubborn, and close-minded, and etc. So I expected a somewhat even, if disappointed response.

I got:

A) "No you're not, humans have hormones, and we don't reproduce by budding."
B) "Please, you're a sociopath. You don't even love me and I gave birth to you!"
C) "Oh you are such a liar. I thought you were asexual?"
D) "Get out of my house."


So...maybe I should try again next time she's looped out on meds?

Gah. She sounds... Incredibly abusive. Even mine's only ever made empty threats about what she'd do to my gaming consoles over religion. *So many hugs*

So, I haven't posted for a while, but I have a couple things to unload on a thread full of friendly people:

-I've been contemplating the pros and cons of talking to my parents about closets and the coming out thereof, so .
-Some otherwise-nice people I know have been making disparaging general comments about related topics, so more and also .

And that's not even counting Miscellaneous Life Stuff.

*Hugs*


~Bianca

[SiuiS]

Yeah...no. I think the only thing I've ever tasted that was worse was either gasoline, or the awfully-flavored barium sulfate for my upper GI scans back in middle school.
My choice sources of caffeine are caffeine pills or (for more socially acceptable things) unsweetened dark black tea.
(Edit: And oddly I've yet to find caffeine addictive. Kind of weird, my family is supposed to have addictive tendencies. All I'm addicted to is chocolate ice cream and sleep. Except those don't count because they're like, basic fundamental aspects of life.)

Then wouldn't is tasting sweeter be a Yes, not a No?

Substances are odd. I'm apparently not addictive with nicotine, as am in fact borderline allergic. Unlike my brother, who picked up half a butt to scare m mom into quitting and hasn't put it down since.

And that's what I'm trying to tell you: men too have to get their ingredients before they can cook that meal since looking sharp is part of being that power. Not dressing sharp negates the ownership of power. And those kitchens don't fill themselves.

False equivalency those aren't even close to the same – one presupposes a job, a house, a pantry, an the comfortable situation to choose whether or not to cook something or instead have junk food. The other has no house, no food, no job, and won't suffer a slight increase in sodium if they slack off but will be one stage closer to dying.

besides, I have seen enough women who *ahem* got an edge with the way they *ahem* dress *ahem*. I mean, Women are at least thrice as competence in manipulation of people then men and the way women dress is a major factor. *ahem*

gotta lose this nasty cough ;)

That has nothing to do with women being more manipulative. it has everything to do with weak will and poor decision making on the part of those try manipulate, and that's more of that toupe fallacy tan anything; of course the woman in question will have a lot of success, she is purposefully seeking out a set of circumstances that will reward her behavior. Take li'l miss "oops, let me squeeze by real quick~" and give her my job, or a lab job, maybe. Guarantee it won't work as well.

And this example actually feeds into my point; a woman is expected (as in, it's clmmon enough for you to take it as a given and expected thing) to succeed not through her own merit at the job but by pleasing the men around her. That she's not even competing on the same axis to the point of trying to compete on that axis actually causing problems is what prompted this.

So I attempted explaining to my mother today that I am:

A) Asexual (I really find no joy in it)
B) Panamorous (I can love people regardless of gender alignment)
C) Not a virgin
D) Not religious

Now, my mother's a fairly (read: very) intelligent woman, if often unreasonable, stubborn, and close-minded, and etc. So I expected a somewhat even, if disappointed response.

I got:

A) "No you're not, humans have hormones, and we don't reproduce by budding."
B) "Please, you're a sociopath. You don't even love me and I gave birth to you!"
C) "Oh you are such a liar. I thought you were asexual?"
D) "Get out of my house."


So...maybe I should try again next time she's looped out on meds?

O_Ô;

True, of course.

Spoilering Scion weirdness so people don't have to scroll past it:

Spoiler

Show

There's a difference between "sexually attracted to" and "willing to be sexual with". I'm asexual, but have enough trust in those I would call friends to do almost anything for them. I would, in all seriousness, attempt to kill myself if one of my friends genuinely asked me to. They never would, and in fact explicitly tell me not to, but it is within what I'm willing to do for them. Sex would really not bother me, if requested sincerely (and all appropriate precautions taken, obviously).

That might be the case, but because anyone I trust enough to call a friend I'd trust enough to be lovers with, not because I only call people friends if I would be willing to take them on as a lover. And there are people who fall under acquaintances that I'd be a partner to who I do not consider friends (though I'd probably start to think of someone as a friend if they became a lover).

*shrug* makes perfect sense to me. I also like pack set-ups wherein the "bed" consists of a dogpile of sleeping people (and a decent heater, I hate the cold!) so I suppose I'm already no longer the target demographic for "is this normal".

Sociopath and psychopath don't have formal psychological definitions currently, going by the online version of the DSM-IV I've been using (though the DSM-V is basically official now it hasn't been published yet and besides it looks like poop so far). So from what I understand they're roughly equivalent semi-colloquial words that are generally used to describe various diagnoses like Antisocial Personality Disorder (in adults), Conduct Disorder (usually in children), and Oppositional Defiant Disorder (in children and sometimes adults).

Didn't know that. Hm.

...
*massages own temples*
I don't even know where to begin. That's fracked up. That's what it is. Fracked up. It's too late in the evening for me to deal with that.
Good luck.

Would you like some commiseration tea? I'm brewing a pot. I need to do something to keep my mouth occupied that also looks like I'm fretting.

So, I haven't posted for a while, but I have a couple things to unload on a thread full of friendly people:

-I've been contemplating the pros and cons of talking to my parents about closets and the coming out thereof, so .
-Some otherwise-nice people I know have been making disparaging general comments about related topics, so more and also .

And that's not even counting Miscellaneous Life Stuff.

tough.

Coming out is, in my limited experience, harder than actually dealing with the fall-out. People being unknowingly insulting is fun, and can lead to weird situations where they try to rationalize things in such a way that doesn't challenge their world view (usually with such phrases as "come on, man..." and "but really its like [X]" an other such 'I'm okay like I am and you're a special case' nonsense) but sometimes, especially if you have a history of occasionally being. Serious and going in for honest rapport, people will be reasonable and just admit they hadn't thought it through.

I'm dealing with the same thing really, coworkers discussing the Kate's gay joke circulating Facebook and all, but I haven't done anything about it yet – I'm in no position therefor to really give you anything like advice.

[Socratov]

False equivalency those aren't even close to the same – one presupposes a job, a house, a pantry, an the comfortable situation to choose whether or not to cook something or instead have junk food. The other has no house, no food, no job, and won't suffer a slight increase in sodium if they slack off but will be one stage closer to dying.



That has nothing to do with women being more manipulative.

I did not say that women are more manipulative, I said they are trice as competent in doing it. [/quote]
it has everything to do with weak will and poor decision making on the part of those try manipulate[/quote] by the same reasoning it's the bullied's fault if s/he/it can't help being bullied and not the bully's?

, and that's more of that toupe fallacy tan anything; of course the woman in question will have a lot of success, she is purposefully seeking out a set of circumstances that will reward her behavior.

bingo! this is the root. I guess (major specualtion) that some women found out manipulating men into what they want cost less work then achieving the same through other means, obviously promoting the method, and by proxy the way of dressing. the one might have promoted the other, and vice versa, which came earlier the chicken or the (chicken)egg?

Take li'l miss "oops, let me squeeze by real quick~" and give her my job, or a lab job, maybe. Guarantee it won't work as well.

I think that has to do with a certain amount of qualifications (and type of qualifications). Please tell me what job you do so I can play more devil's advocate to get further in our argument on this subject. (I half start the rest of the thread to grab popcorn and watch as we type )

And this example actually feeds into my point; a woman is expected (as in, it's clmmon enough for you to take it as a given and expected thing) to succeed not through her own merit at the job but by pleasing the men around her.

like I said about 2 parts back, which came earlier? the chicken or the (chicken)egg?

Besides, it's common, though not the dominant way of operating.

That she's not even competing on the same axis to the point of trying to compete on that axis actually causing problems is what prompted this.

Wait, are you saying that becuase women didn't succeed in competing one way, so found another way and that that is all the men's fault?

You have lsot me here with your logic...


anyway, @technoscrabble, that is horrible and I hope it will work a second time. i could have negated those arguments she gave against you (except the 4th obviously). (1. yes we do have hormones, yet you just don't feel it that strongly. 2. Well the need for companionship is still there (be sure to include belonging) but you like the idea of love more then the biological process that follows. 3. I'm guessing you lost it before you discovered being asexual (maybe a link between them, moment of insight/inspiration). 4. I'd rather not discuss that here (though hint: something about faith being personal))

Last bu tnot least:

here's a haiku on coffee:

ground from roasted beans
this will taste delisciously
and will wake me up

[KenderWizard]

@Socratov, Siuis, re: women in professional settings

I'm not even sure where to begin on this.

Okay, so, original point was about women's professional garb being more hassle than men's. I don't know why it was then necessary to describe the work men put into their appearance. Obviously I didn't mean women put work into their appearance and men show up at business meetings in their pyjamas. But all of those things (choosing a flattering haircut, not wearing the same suit twice in a row, matching a good watch, polishing shoes, finding some way to carry phone and wallet without a weird bulge in pocket area) _also_ apply to women, and then women "professional-looking" stuff is added on top (make up, styling long hair, jewellery).

And now we're talking about women using their bodies to help them succeed in the workplace. Sigh. First, we're presumably ignoring all the women who aren't conventionally attractive. We're also ignoring men who do the same sort of thing. Fine, let's say women are more likely than men to use flirting as a professional advancement technique. Frankly, it's hard to feel surprised that, in a culture that repeatedly and loudly tells girls that their bodies are the important bit and that they need to be attractive to get ahead, the women they grow up into feel that flirting is an acceptable social tool.

So, I haven't posted for a while, but I have a couple things to unload on a thread full of friendly people:

-I've been contemplating the pros and cons of talking to my parents about closets and the coming out thereof, so .
-Some otherwise-nice people I know have been making disparaging general comments about related topics, so more and also .

And that's not even counting Miscellaneous Life Stuff.

..... .... ... YOU TOLD THAT STORY! You told a story about a snake in a desert, with a lever that could end the world, and a man, and books, and a baby snake. And I think about it sometimes and want to know what happens to the characters after, and sometimes I want to tell someone the story but then they'll be stuck like I am! >,<

Um, so, disparaging-comment-people suck, hate that. What are the pros and cons of you coming out to your parents? How do you think they'll take it?

... Still >,<

[Socratov]

@Socratov, Siuis, re: women in professional settings

I'm not even sure where to begin on this.

Okay, so, original point was about women's professional garb being more hassle than men's. I don't know why it was then necessary to describe the work men put into their appearance. Obviously I didn't mean women put work into their appearance and men show up at business meetings in their pyjamas.

(emphasis mine), it was implied, with the difference increasing (See Siuis' post about kitchens with ingredients). In corporations the difference might just be smaller then implied. they are however huge when comparing official social outings (like galas and cocktailparties) where the man just has to don a smoking/white tie and where the woman really has to pull out all the stops (dress, hair, makeup, jewellery, shoes, accessories, etc.)

But all of those things (choosing a flattering haircut, not wearing the same suit twice in a row, matching a good watch, polishing shoes, finding some way to carry phone and wallet without a weird bulge in pocket area) _also_ apply to women, and then women "professional-looking" stuff is added on top (make up, styling long hair, jewellery).

Oh, and don't forget the broader choice in fashionable clothes

tangent: can anybody tell me why in the name of Odin's beard women started to roll up the sleeves of their jackets? I am quite literally stumped on the matter

And now we're talking about women using their bodies to help them succeed in the workplace. Sigh. First, we're presumably ignoring all the women who aren't conventionally attractive.

that's why I didn't say all, but that I have seen neough women to make sure of a statistically recognizable group (as opposed to a few exceptions to the rule

We're also ignoring men who do the same sort of thing. Fine, let's say women are more likely than men to use flirting as a professional advancement technique. Frankly, it's hard to feel surprised that, in a culture that repeatedly and loudly tells girls that their bodies are the important bit and that they need to be attractive to get ahead, the women they grow up into feel that flirting is an acceptable social tool.

1) I agree with you that this is not a good thing (about using bodies being the most important thing), I'd even say that this is terrible (even though I'd be lieing if I said that I don't enjoy a bit of eye-candy now and then ) even though this is a viscious cycle
2) I never denied that men do the same (being a pretty specimen of the human race tends to increase your chances of success at most things), though I wonder how the statistics are.

disclaimer: I'm not here to argue that genderinequality exists (becuase it most certainly does, which is a bad thing), but I'm arguing against the hyperbole of women are grovelling vs men are floating through life (which is ofttimes implied in such discuassions) as well as try to shed light form other sides (if so capable)... Please don't think of me as a misogynist, I'm really just in it for the sport of debating and and inducing different opinions. I wish I'd gone to a british school, I could have taken up debating which was pretty much impossible at my old school, primpting me to go through the hard knock school of internetarguing

[SiuiS]

I did not say that women are more manipulative, I said they are trice as competent in doing it.

"women aren't more manipulative, they are just better at being manipulative" sounds like "Not A, just A" to me. It's a technical difference but I don't see how it's applicable I'm afraid.

by the same reasoning it's the bullied's fault if s/he/it can't help being bullied and not the bully's?

Not whatsoever equivalent.

Besides, it's common, though not the dominant way of operating.
Wait, are you saying that becuase women didn't succeed in competing one way, so found another way and that that is all the men's fault?

You have lsot me here with your logic...

That's because it's neither logic, nor what I said, silly.

@Socratov, Siuis, re: women in professional settings

I'm not even sure where to begin on this.

aye. That's why I was trying to keep it simple.

Simply put, the responses I've been getting would point to a huge misunderstanding of the original point, or purposeful dismissal. Assuming Socratov merely didn't understand, I pared my statement down to something as black and white as I could. But since he says he knows and agrees with my point I can stop blundering around it

..... .... ... YOU TOLD THAT STORY! You told a story about a snake in a desert, with a lever that could end the world, and a man, and books, and a baby snake. And I think about it sometimes and want to know what happens to the characters after, and sometimes I want to tell someone the story but then they'll be stuck like I am! >,<

... Still >,<

... I wanna know the story D=

[Astrella]

We've talked about it before, but not so much recently. She does reassure me about it when I mention it, but I don't like to bother her and I know my self-depreciation usually irritates and/or upsets her so I avoid mentioning anything about it unless I'm really upset.
And, really, it would be too much bother to ask people to reassure me that I am wanted enough to make it stick - I doubt it would be true if they had to remember to reassure me of it so often. It's only me, I'll survive.

EDIT: We haven't talked about my feeling that I am entirely useless to her, which was probably more what you meant, but I intend to talk about it as soon as I can do so face-to-face.

*offers hugs*
For what it's worth I've always enjoyed your postings in this thread. Also listen to Kender, she's smart and has good advice.

So... I just found out my mom has like, 6 months to live yesterday.

Aw, djee... that is really awful. :c

So I attempted explaining to my mother today that I am:

A) Asexual (I really find no joy in it)
B) Panamorous (I can love people regardless of gender alignment)
C) Not a virgin
D) Not religious

Now, my mother's a fairly (read: very) intelligent woman, if often unreasonable, stubborn, and close-minded, and etc. So I expected a somewhat even, if disappointed response.

I got:

A) "No you're not, humans have hormones, and we don't reproduce by budding."
B) "Please, you're a sociopath. You don't even love me and I gave birth to you!"
C) "Oh you are such a liar. I thought you were asexual?"
D) "Get out of my house."


So...maybe I should try again next time she's looped out on meds?

...
I'm not sure if intelligent and close-minded fit really well together. And really, calling you a psychopath? Bleh. Glad your dad is a really swell guy though.

S-I've been contemplating the pros and cons of talking to my parents about closets and the coming out thereof, so .
-Some otherwise-nice people I know have been making disparaging general comments about related topics, so more and also .

And that's not even counting Miscellaneous Life Stuff.

Random bigotry always sucks, especially when it comes from people you didn't expect. :s What are your expectations about your parents reactions?

... I wanna know the story D=

Here you go.

-----

Also, oh dear, the last Rain update. >.> I had my suspicions that it might be something like this. *sigh*

[noparlpf]

Then wouldn't is tasting sweeter be a Yes, not a No?

Substances are odd. I'm apparently not addictive with nicotine, as am in fact borderline allergic. Unlike my brother, who picked up half a butt to scare m mom into quitting and hasn't put it down since.

Well if only one or two things are guaranteed to be less sweet, it's not the comparison I'd like to make to imply that this thing is sweet.

Didn't know that. Hm.

Disclaimer: Not a pro, grain of salt. I think that should do it. But yeah, that's what I gather from reading a few articles and browsing the DSM a little.

Also, oh dear, the last Rain update. >.> I had my suspicions that it might be something like this. *sigh*

Oh dear is right. It kind of had to be though so drama and stuff could happen.

[Mina Kobold]

Sociopath and psychopath don't have formal psychological definitions currently, going by the online version of the DSM-IV I've been using (though the DSM-V is basically official now it hasn't been published yet and besides it looks like poop so far). So from what I understand they're roughly equivalent semi-colloquial words that are generally used to describe various diagnoses like Antisocial Personality Disorder (in adults), Conduct Disorder (usually in children), and Oppositional Defiant Disorder (in children and sometimes adults).

That does explain a lot, though it did have a general definition when we used it for Psychology class. A fair amount of terms are very relative in that field, after all, and the different schools would probably disagree on the specifics.

She's called me a sociopath whenever she's upset with me since I was eight, when she found out that word is my kryptonite. Something about that word just makes me really, really hurt.

That, that is just plain evil. Again, am not a professional, but you mother sounds like someone who would get that diagnosis. Based on this, at least. Intentionally using a word that hurts someone for the purpose of hurting them is not OK, especially not when you are doing it continually to a child under your responsibility. That is abusive and incompetent. I-Gah, pantsalons! [/angryranting]

Sorry, calming down. Did not mean to explode on people I never met.

Have you tried bringing that topic up and trying to explain how it hurts? I assume you might, but it may be a good idea to retouch the topic in this situation. Try to explain that you really want to be honest and for your mother to at least think about it. Might that help? ^_^'

You guys are great and all, but as far as I'm concerned he's the best person I know. He's always judged me fairly, he took me on his travels around the world, he taught me a good chunk of what I know about the world, got me into science, german techno, Star Wars, dinosaurs, steampunk, gothic rock, and countless other things, taught me to play chess and poker, and I think he might enjoy playing with legos and nerf guns a slight bit more than I do.

Sounds like a wonderful parent, though now I wish I knew either of you well. Finding interesting Gothic Rock is difficult around here. >_<

Anybee, glad to read that you do have at least one wonderful and loving parent.

So, I haven't posted for a while, but I have a couple things to unload on a thread full of friendly people:

-I've been contemplating the pros and cons of talking to my parents about closets and the coming out thereof, so .
-Some otherwise-nice people I know have been making disparaging general comments about related topics, so more and also .

And that's not even counting Miscellaneous Life Stuff.

*Hugs/cookies/affection of choice*

I hope your parents turn out to have plenty more pros than cons, if you do decide to come out. It seems to be very difficult and I really hope it ends well for you.

Sorry to hear about the otherwise-nicees, Have you tried talking to them about it or pointing it out? It may be worth it to offer them a new perspective. Alternatively, being openly supportive of the causes and showing their errors through example may also work. ^_^

MLS can be bad, hope the next bid of it comes with a free toy and many goodies! ^_^

Here you go.

-----

Also, oh dear, the last Rain update. >.> I had my suspicions that it might be something like this. *sigh*

My goodness, I remember reading that. It is so moving and heart-warming to read it again, but also frustrating since I really want to know or write a story in that setting!
I think I might be group 1 or 3, but I am not sure. Maybe I should skip to the end of my post to see the answer? Or not? I dunno! >_<

Regarding Rain: My sentiments exactly. That does not bode well at all, though I hope that things end better than they look. As I say in my comment on the page, [Spoiler] does at least seem emphatic, if harbouring some very deep problems. ;_;





...



The answer is 1. ^_^

[Taliesin]

Well, as for something that doesn't really compare to what other folks in this thread are apparently going through (hugs!), but I got invited to a larp and was sort of bothered how they decided to make the world somewhat homophobic. (as in, same-sex sex acts are not criminal, but you get barred from important social positions if people suspect you're gay and it is "unthinkable that a homosexual person could hold an important office")
They justified it by saying that it is sort of based on middle ages (actually seems to be in early modern era than middle ages, but I digress) and so it is already much better than it was in the middle ages (followed by a straight GM explaining the history of treatment of gay people to me). Of course, I think that they didn't get the memo that mentioned that the Middle Ages were rather bereft of elves. On the other hand, they understood that if they make women second-class citizens, then the game will suck for female players and so they decided to make the setting more egalitarian genderwise. They didn't make the connection about how an analogous case might hold in regards to sexual orientation.
It's not that big of a deal, really, but I am somewhat annoyed by it, since it means that I can play a character that's
a)Gay, which sort of feels natural but comes with a nice dose of having to keep it secret and discrimination. Yay, how fun! Homophobia, what a novel experience!
b)Straight, which I can play and have played, for a large section of my life (also known as the closet). Plus gives the game a fun everyone-is-straight vibe.
c) Bisexual, which can go either way (no pun intended, but I mean that it will look like either scenario a) or scenario b)).
d)Asexual, which I am probably going for, but it probably cuts off some possible motivations. Yes, I could make my character asexual but not aromantic, but the analogous implications would probably still hold.

I understand that it is an intrigue larp and so this can be one of those secrets to have, along with secret lovers, secret religious affiliations, secret political affiliations, secret magical affiliations, but I am still bothered by it.

[Absol197]

You guys...I know it's not exactly on topic, but I have to talk to someone about it...

Spoiler

Show

There was a shooting in Connecticut today. 26 people were killed - in an elementary school. 18 of the victims were Kindergardeners.

I...I just keep imagining all the greiving parents; all the presents sitting under the Christmas tree, never going to be opened; all the parents without children, siblings who are now only children; friends who have been lost; all the love and potential that has now been irrovocably lost.

I don't understand it, not at all. How can someone do something like that? How can they even think about it?

~P~

[golentan]

Uggh, I hate "Better Nate than Lever." A good shaggy dog story is fun, but it shouldn't take THAT long. 5 minutes spoken word, tops. I hate that joke, and I hate the people who try and make it into a personality test about people who hate that joke, and yet I still laugh at the punchline because dammit, a decent pun is fine and a shaggy dog story is great but still DON'T TURN IT INTO A BLEEPING NOVELLA!

Anyway, yeah. I've been silent here lately. I'm feeling very confused about my sexuality again. I could use some hugs, and maybe someone willing to listen to some non-board safe specifics.

Edit: Oh, man, Absol. Those sorts of things are always horrific. My best wishes to those who have lost loved ones.

[Lix Lorn]

Anyway, yeah. I've been silent here lately. I'm feeling very confused about my sexuality again. I could use some hugs, and maybe someone willing to listen to some non-board safe specifics.

(Hugs)
Y'can always talk to me.

(hugs for all, too)

[Lycunadari]

So... I just found out my mom has like, 6 months to live yesterday.

*hugs*

So I attempted explaining to my mother today that I am:

A) Asexual (I really find no joy in it)
B) Panamorous (I can love people regardless of gender alignment)
C) Not a virgin
D) Not religious

Now, my mother's a fairly (read: very) intelligent woman, if often unreasonable, stubborn, and close-minded, and etc. So I expected a somewhat even, if disappointed response.

I got:

A) "No you're not, humans have hormones, and we don't reproduce by budding."
B) "Please, you're a sociopath. You don't even love me and I gave birth to you!"
C) "Oh you are such a liar. I thought you were asexual?"
D) "Get out of my house."


So...maybe I should try again next time she's looped out on meds?

That's terrible. How can people be so mean to people they're supposed to care for? *hugs*

Well, as for something that doesn't really compare to what other folks in this thread are apparently going through (hugs!), but I got invited to a larp and was sort of bothered how they decided to make the world somewhat homophobic. (as in, same-sex sex acts are not criminal, but you get barred from important social positions if people suspect you're gay and it is "unthinkable that a homosexual person could hold an important office")
They justified it by saying that it is sort of based on middle ages (actually seems to be in early modern era than middle ages, but I digress) and so it is already much better than it was in the middle ages (followed by a straight GM explaining the history of treatment of gay people to me). Of course, I think that they didn't get the memo that mentioned that the Middle Ages were rather bereft of elves. On the other hand, they understood that if they make women second-class citizens, then the game will suck for female players and so they decided to make the setting more egalitarian genderwise. They didn't make the connection about how an analogous case might hold in regards to sexual orientation.
It's not that big of a deal, really, but I am somewhat annoyed by it, since it means that I can play a character that's
a)Gay, which sort of feels natural but comes with a nice dose of having to keep it secret and discrimination. Yay, how fun! Homophobia, what a novel experience!
b)Straight, which I can play and have played, for a large section of my life (also known as the closet). Plus gives the game a fun everyone-is-straight vibe.
c) Bisexual, which can go either way (no pun intended, but I mean that it will look like either scenario a) or scenario b)).
d)Asexual, which I am probably going for, but it probably cuts off some possible motivations. Yes, I could make my character asexual but not aromantic, but the analogous implications would probably still hold.

I understand that it is an intrigue larp and so this can be one of those secrets to have, along with secret lovers, secret religious affiliations, secret political affiliations, secret magical affiliations, but I am still bothered by it.

You guys...I know it's not exactly on topic, but I have to talk to someone about it...

Spoiler

Show

There was a shooting in Connecticut today. 26 people were killed - in an elementary school. 18 of the victims were Kindergardeners.

I...I just keep imagining all the greiving parents; all the presents sitting under the Christmas tree, never going to be opened; all the parents without children, siblings who are now only children; friends who have been lost; all the love and potential that has now been irrovocably lost.

I don't understand it, not at all. How can someone do something like that? How can they even think about it?

~P~

*hugs* I don't know what to say. That's just so terrible. *hugs*


*hugs to Golly*

[Thajocoth]

You guys...I know it's not exactly on topic, but I have to talk to someone about it...

Spoiler

Show

There was a shooting in Connecticut today. 26 people were killed - in an elementary school. 18 of the victims were Kindergardeners.

I...I just keep imagining all the greiving parents; all the presents sitting under the Christmas tree, never going to be opened; all the parents without children, siblings who are now only children; friends who have been lost; all the love and potential that has now been irrovocably lost.

I don't understand it, not at all. How can someone do something like that? How can they even think about it?

~P~

Spoiler

Show

Such horrible things are always shocking to the masses because there is an evil in some people that good people will never comprehend. It is this confusion that makes the deeds worse.

An example: If a burglar breaks into a house and steals valuables, that sucks, but motives are understood & it's not as shocking. If that same event occurs, but they also smash all photos of the inhabitant's grandmother, it ceases to make sense. "Why?"

A school shooting in a high school done by bullied kids can be understood. Still horrible, but understood. Someone shooting up an elementary school adds the confusion in. Why would anyone target an elementary school? What could possibly have provoked that?

I do not know what their reason was. Killing small children is quite horrible indeed. Don't try to understand it. It takes a sick, twisted mind to grasp such things.

[Lentrax]

You guys...I know it's not exactly on topic, but I have to talk to someone about it...

Spoiler

Show

There was a shooting in Connecticut today. 26 people were killed - in an elementary school. 18 of the victims were Kindergardeners.

I...I just keep imagining all the greiving parents; all the presents sitting under the Christmas tree, never going to be opened; all the parents without children, siblings who are now only children; friends who have been lost; all the love and potential that has now been irrovocably lost.

I don't understand it, not at all. How can someone do something like that? How can they even think about it?

~P~

Evil does not need a reason, Phee. We, the good people(well, I'm just okay) need to put a reason to it so we can grieve and move past it. If we couldn't, then life would be a lot more terrifying than it is already.

Uggh, I hate "Better Nate than Lever." A good shaggy dog story is fun, but it shouldn't take THAT long. 5 minutes spoken word, tops. I hate that joke, and I hate the people who try and make it into a personality test about people who hate that joke, and yet I still laugh at the punchline because dammit, a decent pun is fine and a shaggy dog story is great but still DON'T TURN IT INTO A BLEEPING NOVELLA!

Anyway, yeah. I've been silent here lately. I'm feeling very confused about my sexuality again. I could use some hugs, and maybe someone willing to listen to some non-board safe specifics.

Edit: Oh, man, Absol. Those sorts of things are always horrific. My best wishes to those who have lost loved ones.

I am open to talk as well.

[KenderWizard]

Just got back from seeing the Hobbit! It's awesome! I would really love if there were more women in it, though. More than one. In one scene. Sigh. I know it's nobody's fault this time, but it's just... Sigh.

*offers hugs*
For what it's worth I've always enjoyed your postings in this thread. Also listen to Kender, she's smart and has good advice.

Well, as for something that doesn't really compare to what other folks in this thread are apparently going through (hugs!), but I got invited to a larp and was sort of bothered how they decided to make the world somewhat homophobic. (as in, same-sex sex acts are not criminal, but you get barred from important social positions if people suspect you're gay and it is "unthinkable that a homosexual person could hold an important office")
They justified it by saying that it is sort of based on middle ages (actually seems to be in early modern era than middle ages, but I digress) and so it is already much better than it was in the middle ages (followed by a straight GM explaining the history of treatment of gay people to me). Of course, I think that they didn't get the memo that mentioned that the Middle Ages were rather bereft of elves. On the other hand, they understood that if they make women second-class citizens, then the game will suck for female players and so they decided to make the setting more egalitarian genderwise. They didn't make the connection about how an analogous case might hold in regards to sexual orientation.
It's not that big of a deal, really, but I am somewhat annoyed by it, since it means that I can play a character that's
a)Gay, which sort of feels natural but comes with a nice dose of having to keep it secret and discrimination. Yay, how fun! Homophobia, what a novel experience!
b)Straight, which I can play and have played, for a large section of my life (also known as the closet). Plus gives the game a fun everyone-is-straight vibe.
c) Bisexual, which can go either way (no pun intended, but I mean that it will look like either scenario a) or scenario b)).
d)Asexual, which I am probably going for, but it probably cuts off some possible motivations. Yes, I could make my character asexual but not aromantic, but the analogous implications would probably still hold.

I understand that it is an intrigue larp and so this can be one of those secrets to have, along with secret lovers, secret religious affiliations, secret political affiliations, secret magical affiliations, but I am still bothered by it.

That is so annoying! I hate that! I've come across it before with the women side, in fantasy books and stuff. "But it's not _realistic_ if the women are treated equally, since they weren't at the time!" BUT THERE WERE NO ELVES AT THE TIME! I found out recently the dev team for Assassin's Creed III were told to change the main character from a woman to a man because it wasn't "realistic" for their Native-American-ninja-general to be a woman. Because the American Civil War was a "man's story". I mean what. I would make formal complaints. Point out what you've said here. Maybe it'll make things different for the next LARP, or maybe it'll just make someone think a bit harder.

Uggh, I hate "Better Nate than Lever." A good shaggy dog story is fun, but it shouldn't take THAT long. 5 minutes spoken word, tops. I hate that joke, and I hate the people who try and make it into a personality test about people who hate that joke, and yet I still laugh at the punchline because dammit, a decent pun is fine and a shaggy dog story is great but still DON'T TURN IT INTO A BLEEPING NOVELLA!

Anyway, yeah. I've been silent here lately. I'm feeling very confused about my sexuality again. I could use some hugs, and maybe someone willing to listen to some non-board safe specifics.

Edit: Oh, man, Absol. Those sorts of things are always horrific. My best wishes to those who have lost loved ones.

*hugs*

Also, that personality test failed to account for "Read all the way to the end with enjoyment and engagement and then FREAKED THE **** OUT when it ended abruptly with a pun!" Which I thought was the target demographic. And also, me.

Re: Connecticut. I actually cannot process something so horrific.

*hugs to everyone who wants hugs*

[Astrella]

*snip*

It's perfectly fine to be bothered by it. It annoys me how the "but it's historical" line is often used as an excuse. I mean, I can get how discrimination can be something interesting to investigate in a game but it's always just a cheap replication of real life discrimination. The privileged party rarely gets cast as the discriminated ones in the physical setting. And it's also a bit of a screw you at the discriminated group cause entertainment shouldn't always have to be repeating the same crap you already have to face.

You guys...I know it's not exactly on topic, but I have to talk to someone about it...

Spoiler

Show

There was a shooting in Connecticut today. 26 people were killed - in an elementary school. 18 of the victims were Kindergardeners.

I...I just keep imagining all the greiving parents; all the presents sitting under the Christmas tree, never going to be opened; all the parents without children, siblings who are now only children; friends who have been lost; all the love and potential that has now been irrovocably lost.

I don't understand it, not at all. How can someone do something like that? How can they even think about it?

~P~

That's really awful. :c

Uggh, I hate "Better Nate than Lever." A good shaggy dog story is fun, but it shouldn't take THAT long. 5 minutes spoken word, tops. I hate that joke, and I hate the people who try and make it into a personality test about people who hate that joke, and yet I still laugh at the punchline because dammit, a decent pun is fine and a shaggy dog story is great but still DON'T TURN IT INTO A BLEEPING NOVELLA!

Anyway, yeah. I've been silent here lately. I'm feeling very confused about my sexuality again. I could use some hugs, and maybe someone willing to listen to some non-board safe specifics.

Edit: Oh, man, Absol. Those sorts of things are always horrific. My best wishes to those who have lost loved ones.

Well, I don't think I have you on Skype but feel free to pm me for my info if you want to talk~

[Mina Kobold]

You guys...I know it's not exactly on topic, but I have to talk to someone about it...

Spoiler

Show

There was a shooting in Connecticut today. 26 people were killed - in an elementary school. 18 of the victims were Kindergardeners.

I...I just keep imagining all the greiving parents; all the presents sitting under the Christmas tree, never going to be opened; all the parents without children, siblings who are now only children; friends who have been lost; all the love and potential that has now been irrovocably lost.

I don't understand it, not at all. How can someone do something like that? How can they even think about it?

~P~

I- That is just horrible. I think I will just leave some hugs and cookies here. I need to escape. ;_;

*Affections*