Plink Plink Plink GROOOOOOAR...

[ExHunterEmerald]

Okay, so. I'm clearly insane. I don't remember who exactly first mentioned it, but I am making a bard. ...no, that's not why I'm insane.

I'm insane because I'm making a fullblood orc bard.

Who uses a darkwood baby grand piano.

This is going to be fun. I was thinking of combining a Tower Shield with the piano for some "practicality." After racial mods and the ability increase for fourth level, my stats come to 23, 13, 14, 14, 11, 16. I rolled really well, and I maxed strength so I could carry the piano.

I've done a bit of googling, and it looks like a light baby grand would weigh 300 lbs--darkwood would make that 150.

My problem is this. Are there any stats for a piano anywhere? Cost, use, anything? And what would you all suggest for this guy? I would end up burning a feat on tower shield proficiency if I use the piano shield idea...

[Voleta]

Might could try Song and Silence (iirc), the 3.0 guidebook to bards and rogues and such. Seems like you could just find something similar and work with your DM on it.

[Quietus]

Yep, they have a list of things like that in Song and Silence. I just took a quick scan, and aside from full-on pipe organs, they closest thing they have is the clavichord, (google images seen here.

They do suggest alternate bardic music things for them, and if your DM uses them, they would be : -1 circumstance penalty on perform checks for countersong attempts due to its soft tone, but +2 circumstance on Perform checks for fascinate or suggestion. It also grants a +1 circumstance bonus on the musician's Diplomacy and Gather Information checks made against audience members for 1d6 hours after the performance ends.

[Lemur]

Let me say that's an awesome idea, and I wish I had thought of it.

You won't find a premade stat block for a piano, since neither Song and Silence, and the 2nd edition Complete Bard's handbook even bother to mention the instrument (the modern piano didn't exist prior to the eighteenth century, placing it out of the time range for D&D style fantasy). In any case, they don't give basic stats or prices for similar instruments, like the harpsichord. The good news is that you can figure out the basics through approximation.

The PHB says a masterwork instrument costs 100 gp. That's for a hand held instrument, and you'd probably imagine that a larger instrument like a piano would cost more. However, unless you're really picky about detail, the base cost of the item probably won't matter much.

The only part of the price that will really be significant is the cost for making it out of darkwood. If a normal baby grand piano weighs 300 pounds, you take that weight, and multiply it by 10. This is the cost in gold pieces for your darkwood baby grand. 3000 gp should be good enough as a price, imo, so there's no reason to waste much time trying to find out the base price for a masterwork piano, unless you think it will be more than 500 gp.

As for hardness and hp, it's wood, so it's got a hardness of 5. Looking at some basic object stats in the PHB (p. 166) an object similar in size and concept is probably something like a treasure chest. A treasure chest has 15 hitpoints, which sounds good for a big masterwork instrument made out of superior materials.

Note that a tower shield has 20 hitpoints, which is a bit more. That's not to say you couldn't have a piano shield, but I'd say that if you wanted that, then the piano would have to be customized for such a purpose. After all, a normal piano doesn't have the normal holds and straps that a shield would. If you want a piano shield, tack on the price of a masterwork tower shield (180 gp) to the cost of the piano, and boost the piano's hitpoints up to 20.

That's the process I would use, anyway.

[ExHunterEmerald]

Yep, they have a list of things like that in Song and Silence. I just took a quick scan, and aside from full-on pipe organs, they closest thing they have is the clavichord, (google images seen here.

They do suggest alternate bardic music things for them, and if your DM uses them, they would be : -1 circumstance penalty on perform checks for countersong attempts due to its soft tone, but +2 circumstance on Perform checks for fascinate or suggestion. It also grants a +1 circumstance bonus on the musician's Diplomacy and Gather Information checks made against audience members for 1d6 hours after the performance ends.

Interesting...
I dunno about a soft tone, pianos can be pretty loud and sharp. Still, I'll check the book and see what I can see!
The other thing I wondered about was someone who busts out a -piano- and starts playing. Attacks of opportunity like whoa!

[Mike_G]

I can just see a bunch of Ogres leaning and swaying and singing along as your character belts out Piano Man

[Quietus]

Doesnt' bardic music draw AoO's anyway? I guess the idea of whipping out a piano and doing so really doesn't change much, does it?

[Morty]

Well, I've actually started a similiar thread some time ago:
http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=18499.

[ExHunterEmerald]

Well, I've actually started a similiar thread some time ago:
http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=18499.

Ah, THERE we go. I knew I got the idea here, I just couldn't remember the who.
Yeah, you were the original. Thanks for the insane inspiration.

[Dervag]

Problem.

Pianos have to be very carefully tuned. If you use your piano as a defensive shield, even if it isn't completely ruined, it will be hopelessly out of tune, requiring the work of an expert piano tuner to retune all 88 strings.

Also, when you carry a piano around, random strings inside of it will sound off, making a lot of noise. So this instrument is huge, noisy even to carry, and easily damaged.

While the image of an orc bard carrying a piano around is awesome, this item is among the most unsuited for close combat that I've ever heard of.

Of course, the mere fact that your party contains a man capable of lifting a piano and carrying it on his back probably improves morale more than any bardic music ever could.

[Macrovore]

and you still have the ASF for the tower shield. which is a CRAPLOAD

[Ranis]

You sir are a hero to all of us who play the Bard. I tip my hat to you, sir.

[AtomicKitKat]

I can see it now. A half-orc with flamboyantly loud shirts, oversized eyeglasses, big hats, and a British accent, and making Lizardmen rock out to Crocodile Rock. :P

In all seriousness, you could try for a harpsichord?

[TheOtherMC]

I can just see a bunch of Ogres leaning and swaying and singing along as your character belts out Piano Man

Hey, Ogre or not, everyone loves "Piano Man".....which opens up some possibilities for the fascinate ability....hmmm

[ExHunterEmerald]

Hey, Ogre or not, everyone loves "Piano Man".....which opens up some possibilities for the fascinate ability....hmmm

Believe it or not? My dad DESPISES it.

[Ranis]

If this does get set into motion, make sure 1) your orc can sing to get his inspire courage out and 2) bring some piano music to the session to play to remind everyone of the bonuses :D

[That Lanky Bugger]

Nice. Darkwood is good, though I'd suggest making it masterwork so you can claim they used some rare material which doesn't immediately go out of tune when struck. Work with the DM... I'm sure he'll come up with something.

The closest I've ever come was a pair of hanging steel drums, with the beaters enchanted for combat use as dual-wielded maces. The steel drum was similarly reinforced. The look on the DM's face when I started blasting steel-drum music from a miniature boombox under the table the first time I used my perform check was priceless...

[Foolosophy]

You should really get a wand of Shrink Item asap in case you have to squeeze through any narrow passages etc.

And it would be really cool to throw a miniature piano into melee, watch it unfold back to normal size and then start playing it

[clarkvalentine]

Problem. Pianos have to be very carefully tuned...

It's a combat piano.

An orcish combat piano, no less.

I don't think such things really need be worried about.


Edit: This rocks. I have to find a way to work an orcish combat piano into my Eberron game now...

[Illiterate Scribe]

Finally! A good explanation for the 'curse song' alternate bardic music feature!

[Fax Celestis]

You could try using a Celeste instead of a piano, which is basically the same instrument, but instead of the hammers striking tuned piano wire, it strikes small bells. More "heavenly" sound, but less tuning involved, which is probably a good thing for a piano you're going to be carrying around and using as a tower shield.

Good sir, I salute you. Someone avatar this for the man.