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Thread: Help fo a DM who hates DMing
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2015-04-22, 12:31 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Mar 2015
Help fo a DM who hates DMing
So after a long wait my group is finally making the move to 5th ed. As the member who advocated the switch and already owns all the books, It makes sense that I would be running the first adventure for the group. Here's the problem though, I HATE BEING THE DM.
To spare my sanity I purchased HoTDQ for our first adventure. We completed the first episode and I'm already feeling burnt out.
This not am isolated incident. I have DMed/GMed other games and systems and I always end up sick of it by the end of the first session. However I don't want to call it quits after the first session as that would be unfair to the rest of the group, but I don't want to let my frustrations end up ruining the game for anyone else.
Any advice on avoiding DM burnout?
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2015-04-22, 12:33 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Apr 2015
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2015-04-22, 12:41 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Mar 2015
Re: Help fo a DM who hates DMing
I absolutely LOVE telling stories. I just burn out when it comes to trying to tell a story while trying to keep it inline with a system AND keeping up with my players who like to think outside the box.
Since I'm the one who pushed for the edition switch and have had the books the longest (therefore know the system and the adventure best). The good news is after this adventure I will probably never have to DM again but I want to be a good sport and finish this adventure out, I just don't want to screw it up.
I guess the root of the problem is I am prone to feeling overwhelmed, and that does not a good Dungeon Master make.
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2015-04-22, 12:50 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Aug 2008
Re: Help fo a DM who hates DMing
Honestly, someone with sketchy system knowledge who enjoys DMing will probably do a better job than someone who knows the system extremely well and hates DMing. Hand the DM seat over to someone who wants it.
I would really like to see a game made by Obryn, Kurald Galain, and Knaight from these forums.
I'm not joking one bit. I would buy the hell out of that. -- ChubbyRain
Current Design Project: Legacy, a game of masters and apprentices for two players and a GM.
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2015-04-22, 12:50 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Aug 2013
Re: Help fo a DM who hates DMing
Too late. It sounds like you've burned out. So instead of "how to prevent burn out," I'm going to advise you on how to cope with having burned out. Without any further ado...
So, you're a burned out DM. You're far from the first, friend, and you won't be the last. Lots of DMs burn out. It's basically inevitable. Less a question of "if" than "when." So the question is, what do you do now?
First off, talk. Tell your players - be upfront with them. "Listen, guys, I'm just tired of DMing. Can one of you run a few games for awhile?" If they're your friends, they'll understand and respect it. If they aren't or they don't, that might be part of why you've burnt out.
Second step, play. As a player. Don't run any games, just enjoy being on the other side of the screen. Remember what it feels like. It's valuable for a DM to play as a player in general; even moreso when one is recovering from burnout.
Now, at a certain point, you may feel ready to get back into the saddle. Some DMs can recover after a few weeks. Some take months, even years. Some are so badly burned that they never go back. Whatever it is for you, don't resume DMing until you're ready. A DM who isn't prepared to DM is a DM who will be frustrated and unhappy. An unhappy DM means unhappy players, and a quick trip back into burnout-ville.
Assuming you're ready again at some point, now we can address your question of how to prevent future burnout. Several things come up.- Stagger your DMing. Don't be the only DM. Have a co-DM, or trade off periodically. Alternate campaigns where you DM and someone else does. But don't be the only guy running the show.
- Get your kudos. Part of burnout stems from feeling unappreciated. Don't beg for gratitude, but play with people who show their thanks. Having great players is a way to prolong a solid DMing streak.
- Communicate. A lot of grief at the table occurs when there's a lack of communication. That grief leads to drama, drama leads to stress, stress leads to
the Dark SideDM burnout. Communication can prevent a lot of headaches, and save you from a mountain of stress. (ProTip: Communication includes, "Hey, guys? I don't want to DM.") - Know thyself. Every DM has limits. Things they can do and things they can't, or won't; hours they can or can't put in; and breaking points after which their performance suffers. Don't force yourself to do something you can't; you'll make yourself unhappy, and when your performance suffers, your players will be unhappy too. Nobody benefits from a DM trying to do something he can't or won't do.
But, yeah. It sounds like you just need to stop. You aren't doing anyone any favors by being a miserable DM.My headache medicine has a little "Ex" inscribed on the pill. It's not a brand name; it's an indicator that it works inside an Anti-Magic Field.
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2015-04-22, 12:52 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Jan 2006
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Re: Help fo a DM who hates DMing
Who in the group is most likely to be the next DM? Ask that person if they'd co-DM with you. You handle the storytelling and mechanics, but he helps you with the logistics of keeping track of all the monsters, and he learns the mechanics while you go. You can let him run more and more of the combats as he gets familiar with the rules.
When your players get clever and think outside the box, lean heavily on his advice and judgment. Let yourself be the rules expert, so that if there's a rule to help out, you can go find it, but let him handle the actual mental gymnastics to react appropriately.
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2015-04-22, 01:07 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Mar 2015
Re: Help fo a DM who hates DMing
My biggest concern is that we just started out. Everyone is really excited about their characters and are looking forward to what they will be able to do as they advance This is especially true of our regular DM who does not get the opportunity to sit on the other side of the screen as often as he should. I don't want to take that away form anyone at the table just to give myself a break. At the end of the day I am not comfortable in the DM's chair but I made a commitment to my group to run this adventure for them. I would feel like a jerk for wimping out on them like that, especially after one session.
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2015-04-22, 01:47 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Feb 2015
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2015-04-22, 02:00 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Jan 2006
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Re: Help fo a DM who hates DMing
Okay. You're only doing this as a one-off, right? Not a one-session thing, but just this one module?
Try just saying "yes."
Don't worry about reacting with an eye towards game balance. If you know a rule for a situation, apply it. If you don't, and your players bounce something off-the-wall at you, roll with it. Let it work how they seem to think it will unless you have a brilliant idea in which you're confident.
The biggest risk in this approach is that it will get "out of hand" in the sense that they'll start thinking things are too easy. This is mitigated by how short this is: one module. So let them be crazy-awesome whenever their crazy ideas stump you.
If you're REALLY baffled how to react, just ask them: "What do you think will be the result of this?"
Then decide if that's what happens, or if you have something "better" in mind.
(Honestly, I've found "what do you think will be the result of this?" to work much better than "are you sure?" in terms of getting players to not only think through their actions, but realize WHY your instinct was to tell them something wouldn't work.)
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2015-04-22, 02:15 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Mar 2015
Re: Help fo a DM who hates DMing
I just finished speaking to one of my players. I voiced my concerns and we kind of came up with a plan. The idea is that I will run the next two episodes, (episodes 2 and 3 are a primarily social session and a dungeon crawl respectively) to let everyone get a handle on the system, then we will then start alternating turns in the DM's chair and acting as co-DM's. Due to some scheduling conflicts this week's session has become board game night and I will be able to approach other members of the group at that time to see how people feel about it.
I am grateful for everyone's advice and support.
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2015-04-22, 02:29 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Jan 2012
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2015-04-22, 03:01 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Mar 2015
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2015-04-22, 03:03 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Apr 2015
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2015-04-22, 04:04 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Jan 2011
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- Foggy Droughtland
Re: Help fo a DM who hates DMing
How frequently are your sessions scheduled for? I doubt anyone will seriously complain if you want to spread them out more, on the logic that it'll go better for you that way. You're not a player; you're the person who does the most work for every session, so people should understand if you need to do that work on a looser schedule.
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2015-04-22, 04:33 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Jan 2006
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2015-04-22, 07:30 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Aug 2010
Re: Help fo a DM who hates DMing
What do you mean by "keeping up with my players"?
One of the problems, especially when running published "adventure paths", is that you have to simultaneously pretend that your players can do stuff and make things happen while guiding them towards a predetermined outcome.
Since these two goals are inherently contradictory, yeah, it can cause stress.
Is this part of the stress you're having?
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2015-04-22, 07:32 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Apr 2015
Re: Help fo a DM who hates DMing
In my experience, the guy who doesn't want to do it for whatever reason winds up being the best because he doesn't want to crap all over everyone's fun, so he does it anyway and tries his best.
This is a sober group.
The guy who wants to do it, may not be the best man for the job, but if he's absolute trash at it no one will care if they're drunk or stoned enough.
Hence, fairly normal for a group of sober gamers.
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2015-04-22, 09:25 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Jan 2011
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- Foggy Droughtland
Re: Help fo a DM who hates DMing
Also, OP, please don't take this the wrong way, but you sound like a Mary Sue.
"I do this thing, and everyone likes me and thinks I'm the best at it and wants me to do it more - but they don't understand the pain it brings me inside..."
I don't want to make light of your problem, but I do hope you've been typing with one hand so you can pat yourself on the back with the other one, because you're clearly doing something right.
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2015-04-22, 11:23 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Mar 2009
Re: Help fo a DM who hates DMing
Let's look at your issue, because if the underlined statements are true, DM burnout is not the issue. For it to be burnout, you had to have a period of a reasonable length of time where you enjoyed being the DM. If every time by the end of the first session you are already hating it, that sounds like you never enjoyed it enough to be burned out. ("I can't be burned out on eggplant. I never liked eggplant in the first place").
It sounds like you are getting stressed enough from this that it isn't fun. It may feel too much like work, you may feel like you are't doing a good enough job, some combination, or other factors.
The important thing is to remember Rule 1: This is a game and it is supposed to be fun for everyone, including the DM. If you aren't having fun, something is wrong.
It sounds like you've figured that out, and are looking at trying to pass the torch. For this game, that may be great. Are you planning on doing this permanently (IE. trying to find another permanent DM in the group) or is it just this particular game? If just this one, your root problem is still there, and you'll want to figure out long-term how to deal with it."That's a horrible idea! What time?"
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2015-04-23, 12:02 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Mar 2015
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2015-04-23, 12:27 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Mar 2015
Re: Help fo a DM who hates DMing
This nails it, especially the underlined. At the end of the day I feel responsible for everyone's fun and that is a major source of stress.
It's kind of a weird situation with our group. I am not the regular DM but I almost always run the first session whenever we try out a new system/edition because I'm usually the one to suggest the new system/edition.
I rarely, if ever run the game for more than a couple sessions.
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2015-04-23, 12:55 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Jun 2008
Re: Help fo a DM who hates DMing
Thing is, you aren't. It's a group experience. Sure, you have to establish the setting, but the overall game experience depends on how the players deal with it. You can be a kickass quarterback, but you still lose without a good team.
Take it easy. Give them a scene (maybe during travel or at the campfire) where they can talk to each other and let them play it out without any DM interferecne.What can change the nature of a man?
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2015-04-23, 01:28 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Mar 2015
Re: Help fo a DM who hates DMing
I do that pretty often actually. Unfortunately the game will have to get back to the action again and that's where things get dicey (HA, pun!).
I just have a hard time handling all the work a DM has to do and I get overwhelmed easily, after a while I start to feel like I'm letting everybody down when things aren't running smoothly on my end.
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2015-04-24, 07:09 AM (ISO 8601)
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2015-04-24, 11:00 AM (ISO 8601)
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- Apr 2009
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- Germany
Re: Help fo a DM who hates DMing
I also get the impression that the real problem here is not GMing as such, but attempting the most possibly difficult style of GMing that even many experienced GMs throw away because it's just too much work, not really worth it, and actually not even that interesting for the players.
Story adventures are popular for some reason, but not actually a good idea. When the GM tells an already completed story while trying to make it look as if the players have any say in it, it rarely, if ever, turns out well. The best thing for new GMs is really to just start with a dungeon and let the players explore the place looking for treasure. The only thing the GM really has to do is to describe the rooms and control the monsters.We are not standing on the shoulders of giants, but on very tall tower of other dwarves.
Spriggan's Den Heroic Fantasy Roleplaying
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2015-04-24, 11:08 AM (ISO 8601)
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- Mar 2015
Re: Help fo a DM who hates DMing
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2015-04-24, 11:14 AM (ISO 8601)
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- Jan 2006
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Re: Help fo a DM who hates DMing
That's actually pretty good advice. If you can, just run a dungeon or few. Even if it has to be run in a somewhat old-fashioned and non-realistic way with monsters more or less staying in their rooms and waiting for the PCs, it can be a fun little dungeon crawl and introduce people to the mechanics without stressing the DM overly much about the interconnected story elements which could be unraveled by PCs jumping the rails in unexpected ways.
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2015-04-24, 11:17 AM (ISO 8601)
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- Apr 2009
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- Germany
Re: Help fo a DM who hates DMing
Well, if you don't want to do it, don't do it. No sense in having the rest of your group suffer through a dozen terrible sessions until they finally can get back to playing something that will actually be good.
We are not standing on the shoulders of giants, but on very tall tower of other dwarves.
Spriggan's Den Heroic Fantasy Roleplaying
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2015-04-24, 11:19 AM (ISO 8601)
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- Mar 2015
Re: Help fo a DM who hates DMing
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2015-04-24, 11:26 AM (ISO 8601)
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- Mar 2015
Re: Help fo a DM who hates DMing
Which is the solution we reached. Its more of a situation where we wanted to play the game, but nobody else was willing to step up to the plate. My original concern was how to keep the game going without burning out until someone was willing to take over. We have agreed to take a tag-team approach with the adventure from know on and most likely later on.
The sad thing is I would like to actually DM a decent game, but my propensity for getting overwhelmed whether it be the story, mechanics, or player shenanigans tends to drain me of my enthusiasm fairly quickly.