[3.5/PF] GitP Regulars as NPCs

[NeoPhoenix0]

Woo! I'm potentially useful!

Feel I should warn you though due to some flaw of character being awesome I can only make highly experimental largely nonfunctional magic items. And for some reason they'll all be Constructs. Most of them free-willed.

Like that wand of knock that is animate and needs to be wrestled into submission before using?

[Zaydos]

Lug, THE Janitor
Male NG Orc Incarnation|Tall Tale|Scholar|Kyodai|Wonder|Warrior Princess, Level 20 (Hexsalt), Init 6, HP 520/520, DR 10/evil and epic, 8/-, Speed 180 ft, swim 180 ft, climb 180 ft, fly 360 ft (good)
AC 58, Touch 37, Flat-footed 52, Fort 42, Ref 32, Will 31, Base Attack Bonus 20
Holy Unarmed Strike +39/+34/+29/+24 (8d8+31, )
Artifact, Holy Greataxe +44/+39/+34/+29 (8d6+52+Energy, )
Magic Vestment Greater Mage Armor (+11 Armor, +6 Dex, -4 Size, +8 Deflect, +10 Natural, +17 Misc)
Abilities Str 57, Dex 23, Con 43, Int 21, Wis 21, Cha 26
Condition Lives on the moon
Spends 90% of his time cleaning up various would be apocalypses.
Spends 5% of his time preventing Red Fel from winning
Spends 3% of his time drinking at Questnaught and Tim the Sage's tavern

[Jormengand]

I'm sad that Lug has one and I don't.

[Zaydos]

I'm sad that Lug has one and I don't.

Not just Lug has one, but I was working on one for you when I got sidetracked with Lug's. You taint people because you've been driven mad by nightmares of the end of the world and want to kill the Players who control your world.

Jormengandr, Spreader of the Curse
Hidden under cloak CE Yuan-ti Tainted One (Human) Doomsayer, Level 14, Init 2, HP 86/86, Speed 30 ft
AC 12 (+2 Dex), Touch 12, Flat-footed 10, Fort 7, Ref 6, Will 9, Base Attack Bonus 10
Words Will (DC 21) Halves (16d6, )

Abilities Str 8, Dex 14, Con 16, Int 12, Wis 10, Cha 18
Condition Depravity 10 (Neglectful and Delusional gives -2 to Wis and Cha based skill checks)
Nightmares plague their sleep leaving them without a good night's sleep for years.
Is convinced that they should end all existence it is the only way to reach the Gods' Realm and kill the Players who control their fate.

[unseenmage]

Like that wand of knock that is animate and needs to be wrestled into submission before using?

Yeah that one's a particularly unfriendly sort.

Using the combining magic item rules to fuse it with an effigy of an effigy of a famously irritable doorman was a terrible idea. Now it has this idea that it needs to live up to expected social convention and be a jerk too.

[Zaydos]

And now I say



Paladin should do a sweep so I can see who has been done, who has been missed, and oh yes Sage Tim and his rivalry with Threadnaught I have to work with that...

Tim the Sage
Male NE Human Scholar/Patron, Level 7/5, Init -1, HP 32/32, Speed 20 ft
AC 9, Touch 9, Flat-footed 9, Fort 2, Ref 2, Will 11, Base Attack Bonus 7
Cane ( , )
(-1 Dex)
Abilities Str 2, Dex 8, Con 8, Int 20, Wis 15, Cha 18
Condition Encumbered by his cane.
Staring at Questnaught from across the tavern.
They own it in joint having formerly used it as the head for their adventurer hiring organization but have had a falling out and split the organization and divided the tavern in two with a line of chalk and now spend most of their time trying to lure adventurers away from each other.



Gifs for the gif god.



Edit: And because brain is in a rut...

Ludicrously OP Tier
Lug: Aspect of overdeity, in charge of keeping the world from being destroyed or any side from winning because then the overdeities would get bored with it and everyone would die. Cleans up apocalypses, stifles Red Fel. Lives in the moon.

OP Tier
Red Fel: Lives in a sewer palace under the biggest city. Aspect of Asmodeus. Attempts to take over the world. Is aided by a pair of lab mice. BBEG.

Ludicrous Tier
Iz the Forty Second: Forty second of his name. King of biggest city. Jumps a lot. No longer allowed to make real governing decisions after the Monk Fund fiasco bankrupted the nation. Enjoys "disguising" himself and fighting as a gladiator. May end up genocidal so they can be BBEG.
Loy Al: Aspect of Torm. Primarily does what barmaids tell him. Lives in a big temple and tries to oppose Red Fel at every turn. As he is reactionary and trying to oppose Fel's plans and lacks Sense Motive sometimes ends up helping Fel due to Fel having really obvious "plans" that go against Fel's own intentions.
Xuldarinar: Forgettable gnome who doesn't actually remember his own name. Lives in Red Fel's sewer palace. Only Iz and Lug can even notice him if he doesn't want to be noticed. Hasn't actually talked to anyone in years. Quite lonely.

Semi-Reasonable Tier
Jormengandr: Capable of wreaking mass havoc, but not hard to kill. Avoids town due to being wanted by Questnaught and Tim the Sage's Adventurers for Hire, also because Lug doesn't like seeing him there. Wants to end the game and kill the Players. BBEG.
Neoph Oenix: Lives in a cave on the big mountain inside town which no one lives in because for some reason zoning regulations forbid it. Actually does a large part of the running of the country. Is the main opposition to Red Fel, if by nothing other than disguising as a barmaid and telling Loy Al how to oppose Red Fel. Occasionally genocidal. Wanted by Questnaught and Tim the Sage's Adventurers for Hire.
Unsen Mayj: Royal smith. Obsessed with constructs. Has sweet dreams unlike Jorm.

Reasonable Tier:
Elsa Socratov: Barkeep. Essential to any good campaign.
Illyahr: Pretends to be court bard of the neighboring kingdom of Popsongia, actually not a bard (though he thinks he is) and the king of Popsongia. Relatively unimportant.
Questnaught: Questgiver and tavern owner. Essential to any good campaign. Had a falling out with Tim the Sage and now spends too much time glaring at him and trying to undermine him.
Tim the Sage: Questgiver and tavern owner. Essential to any good campaign. Had a falling out with Questnaught and now spends too much time glaring at him and trying to undermine him. Really old but can occasionally see through Neoph's forgeries and is therefore kept on royal retainer.

Low Level Tier:
Atemu: Thinks he's the BBEG. Works against Red Fel as an ideologically disparate Evil.

[Jormengand]

Lug doesn't like seeing him there

Has sweet dreams unlike Jorm.

You misspelled "It" and "In despite of".

Also, another one for the "Ludicrously OP tier".

[Zaydos]

You misspelled "It" and "In despite of".

At least I got it right on the sheet (ok used you or they, default to they since you usually don't call people 'it').

And you lack the invocation to give nightmares. Though I guess sufficient amounts of depravity would do it.

Snowbluff is going to end up a Yandere princess.

[IZ42]

Iz description is glorious. Also, thank you for Lug. Lug is great, and the best Janitor a NE mildly crazy Monk King could have.

Edit: You could use the PrC I wrote for Snow, not sure where it would be.

[Zaydos]

Snow's been done, just been waiting for chance to post. You people need to post more gifs. For some reason Snow seems to be your daughter in this universe, possibly son. Gender is listed as Yandere.

Usoyuki
Yandere LE Human Ex-Princess/Evil Queen, Level 10/6, Init 2, HP / , Speed 30 ft
AC 24, Touch 24, Flat-footed 22, Fort 12, Ref 12, Will 19, Base Attack Bonus 8
(+2 Dex, +12 Misc)
Abilities Str 8, Dex 14, Con 14, Int 14, Wis 14, Cha 21
Condition Yandere
Scary
Actual ruler of the country
The lords don't realize it
Has a way with people

[IZ42]

D:

Why do you do this to me?

[Zaydos]

D:

Why do you do this to me?

And now for the evillest 'duh' gif I can find.

[TheifofZ]

And now I say
(A bunch of stuff that I'm deleting because my goodness that is a large block of text.)

The most important point I have about your post is that you forgot to include a Plaid tier, since you were doing Ludicrous tiers.

Also, but much less important, is the fact that noone has done an NPC for me yet. But more importantly, you didn't include a Plaid tier.
Shame on you.

[Yael]

Heh, I would say that there are more gifs than NPCs in this thread

[Snowbluff]

Snow's been done, just been waiting for chance to post. You people need to post more gifs. For some reason Snow seems to be your daughter in this universe, possibly son. Gender is listed as Yandere.

Usoyuki
Yandere LE Human Ex-Princess/Evil Queen, Level 10/6, Init 2, HP / , Speed 30 ft
AC 24, Touch 24, Flat-footed 22, Fort 12, Ref 12, Will 19, Base Attack Bonus 8
(+2 Dex, +12 Misc)
Abilities Str 8, Dex 14, Con 14, Int 14, Wis 14, Cha 21
Condition Yandere
Scary
Actual ruler of the country
The lords don't realize it
Has a way with people

*peck*

Thank you! It's wonderful.

[Zaydos]

*peck*

Thank you! It's wonderful.

[TheifofZ]

About now is the time when maniacal laughter is considered good etiquette, Snow.

To be honest, there's always time for a good evil chortle, but there are times when it's nearly required.

[Snowbluff]

Oh no. My feelings were not returned.

It's okay, they all have to sleep sometime... at one point in their lives or another.

[Blackhawk748]

This is all i have to say

[Zaydos]

Oh no. My feelings were not returned.

It's okay, they all have to sleep sometime... at one point in their lives or another.

THE DEAD NEVER SLEEP

Even ignoring that, worth it. Still less scary.

On a related note this is similar to how in my mind Usoyuki became an ex-princess. She fell in love. And she loved them more truly than anything, more than salt, more than the sun and the moon and the trees. And then she got scared. What if they left her? What if they looked at another girl? She... She... No, she couldn't let that happen. Their heart had to be hers always.

So she went into their room when they were sleeping and cut it out and had it put into a jar she keeps by her bed to this day. And then she had their body stuffed.

[NeoPhoenix0]

Level 20 shadowcasters do not sleep...

Also I get the feeling it is party time.

[TheifofZ]

Oh no. My feelings were not returned.

It's okay, they all have to sleep sometime... at one point in their lives or another.

See? Right there. Perfect for Evil Laughter. But no. I swear to gods, it's like noone else ever bothered even minoring in Evil, let alone going for a doctorate.

[Blackhawk748]

See? Right there. Perfect for Evil Laughter. But no. I swear to gods, it's like noone else ever bothered even minoring in Evil, let alone going for a doctorate.

20. Despite its proven stress-relieving effect, I will not indulge in maniacal laughter. When so occupied, it's too easy to miss unexpected developments that a more attentive individual could adjust to accordingly.

We follow rules here son.

[TheifofZ]

Well, that's no way to go about that.
There are such things as standards, etiquette, and class, sir.
Besides, a proper hero would never dare interrupt a good monologue and accompanying laugh. He might miss details of my evil plan. Details I won't actually tell, mind. Just because I have standards does not mean I would do something so foolish.

[Zaydos]

See? Right there. Perfect for Evil Laughter. But no. I swear to gods, it's like noone else ever bothered even minoring in Evil, let alone going for a doctorate.

Nah, evil laughter would actually have weakened the menace. It would have been a tension release valve which is nice at times, but this isn't the active murder phase, yet. You've got to let the fear sink into your players first, let the fear become part of them, and then



If you time it right you can get one to half fall out of their chair and it's hilarious.

But let the menace build first, let them sweat, let them even start to relax and then



But once you pull off the psychotic laugh, which is what that would have been, that is the climax of the fear. After that you can't really up the ante well. It is so to say the reveal, and with horror one must be quite careful about when to pull out the reveal.

We follow rules here son.

Rule #1: Style is important



Besides if you stop paying attention during your maniacal laughter you are doing it wrong. It's a distraction tactic. If you burst out into maniacal laughter it surprises people and you take advantage of that moment in which your enemies are less attentive than usual.

[Blackhawk748]

Well, that's no way to go about that.
There are such things as standards, etiquette, and class, sir.
Besides, a proper hero would never dare interrupt a good monologue and accompanying laugh. He might miss details of my evil plan. Details I won't actually tell, mind. Just because I have standards does not mean I would do something so foolish.

So this is you? Nice stache.

[NeoPhoenix0]

Well, that's no way to go about that.
There are such things as standards, etiquette, and class, sir.
Besides, a proper hero would never dare interrupt a good monologue and accompanying laugh. He might miss details of my evil plan. Details I won't actually tell, mind. Just because I have standards does not mean I would do something so foolish.

You!

where's your style?

[Snowbluff]

THE DEAD NEVER SLEEP

Level 20 shadowcasters do not sleep...

Also I get the feeling it is party time.

But you always had to sleep sometime. I will have always been watching.

Your lightly salted scales that crinkles when you toss... your long black hair that tangles when you toss, all incited by the right intrusions and murmurs. It's wonderful.

It's important not to think within the box of three dimensional thinking.

Even ignoring that, worth it. Still less scary.

On a related note this is similar to how in my mind Usoyuki became an ex-princess. She fell in love. And she loved them more truly than anything, more than salt, more than the sun and the moon and the trees. And then she got scared. What if they left her? What if they looked at another girl? She... She... No, she couldn't let that happen. Their heart had to be hers always.

So she went into their room when they were sleeping and cut it out and had it put into a jar she keeps by her bed to this day. And then she had their body stuffed.

But most of all it's important to know is that no one is supposed to know about that room.

See? Right there. Perfect for Evil Laughter. But no. I swear to gods, it's like noone else ever bothered even minoring in Evil, let alone going for a doctorate.

I'm not evil. I just want your love. Is that too much to ask?

[Marlowe]

Spoiler: the new Worst. Update. Ever.

Show

[TheifofZ]

Nah, evil laughter would actually have weakened the menace. It would have been a tension release valve which is nice at times, but this isn't the active murder phase, yet. You've got to let the fear sink into your players first, let the fear become part of them, and then



If you time it right you can get one to half fall out of their chair and it's hilarious.

But let the menace build first, let them sweat, let them even start to relax and then



But once you pull off the psychotic laugh, which is what that would have been, that is the climax of the fear. After that you can't really up the ante well. It is so to say the reveal, and with horror one must be quite careful about when to pull out the reveal.

Pfft. That's fear manipulation 201.
A well timed and well controlled evil laugh can, in fact, build terror far more than holding on until you go for a kill. Properly executed, a high quality Evil Laugh can inspire more dread and raw pants wetting terror than just about anything else, especially if it's included as the stinger of a particularly ominous hook.
Snow executed the hook pretty close to perfection, there. I'd give it a solid A, myself, but I'm sure one of my teachers would be more inclined to tag it with a B+ instead. But if there had followed even a textbook sadistic giggle, it would have been at least half again as ominous without triggering or wasting any of the building tension.

Sure, using the full blown maniacal laughter can get someone jumping in fright, but you can do that with a cat or a jack in the box if you really try. But to put someone in fear of the merest whisper of your name, to make them cower just by hearing your voice... That takes an artisan's touch.

I'm not evil. I just want your love. Is that too much to ask?

You'll have to earn my love if you insist on having it.