Broken One Warlock (Crushedsoul), a 5e edition subclass by EnderDwarf

[PoeticDwarf]

Here is a new subclass for 5e edition, the name doesn't refer to the Broken One Monk (3.5). This is the first of the 36 subclasses I'm working on (three for every class)

Spoiler: Fluff

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Only someone who knows theirself knows others, it is not an opinion, it is the truth. I took me years of studying, but now I know my true identity I can use everything the best, my soul didn't crush so many times to end here, my spirits will be victorious. I'm not one, I'm two, and I have absolute control about both halves. That I don't refer to myself as we was more difficult, than it is going to be to kill you ~Darfur, the Golddwarf Broken One Warlock, preparing his speech for a fight

As a Broken One Warlock, you don't gain your powers from a mighty creature, far above you, as a Broken One you gain your powers from yourself. This doesn't work as it can work with a sorcerer, Broken One Warlocks have two spirits who are fighting in the Warlock for the might. Most Broken One Warlocks have two personalities because of this. The two parts can both give power to the other when the other becomes stronger, hoping this personality will waste this power so the soul can grow and come in charge. Broken Ones don't even know they gain their power from themselves, and often think another creature gives this might.

Spoiler: Roleplaying

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Broken One warlocks (as I mentioned), often have two personalities. They can be very different from each other but sometimes they are almost exactly the same, in almost every case the souls both think they do the best to the warlock and want to take the power over the body. These warlocks can slowly grow in their characters, at the end one spirit becomes stronger and can take the might, but the other can come back sometimes. From level 14 it is often clear who is the most important and who win, the other one already admitted his role, and still gives power, but when the Warlock really needs the half who "lost" this one can try to fight back. At this point the Warlock already knows that give him/her the powers.

Spoiler: The Subclass

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First level
Broken Mind
Thanks to the voices in your head, and two personalities who can try to push the other away when they need to, you have advantage on saving throws against charm and frighten effects. You also gain resistance to psychic damage because of this effect, both spirits are damaged, but the one who leads your body just half.

Sixth level
Driven out
When one part becomes stronger, this one can try to drive the other part out of the head. Once per short rest as a bonus action one of your personalities vanishes out of your head, appearing in an unnocupied space you can see within 10ft of you. This Soul is under your command for 1 minute or till the spirit dies or you lose concentration (as concentration on a spell)(statblock below). This half rolls it's own initiative. Whenever you take damage, you gain half damage and the spirit the other half (the spirit can't reduce this) and if the spirit takes damage you take the other half (no reduction).

The Soul has your mental stats, and adds on DEX, STR and CON score your modifier in that score, it has the same proficiency bonus as you do. His modifiers can't be below 0 because your modifiers, and stay at least one.

Spoiler: Statblock

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HP: Half yours
AC: 10+dex mod
Speed: hover 30ft

STR DEX CON INT WIS CHA
2 18 14 - - -

Skills: Your proficiencies
Saves: Your proficiencies
Resistances: Psychic, Cold, Fire, Acid nonmagical bludeoning/slashing/piercing
Languages: Understands the same as the "creator"

The Spirit can go through a space as big as 1inch, and through the space of other creatures, ending in such a space lets the Spirit take 1d10 force damage

Actions:
Slam: to hit: dex mod + prof. bonus, reach 5ft, damage: 1d6 + dex mod + your prof. bonus damage, and 1d6 additional force


Image:
http://i.imgur.com/JwJV7Uv.jpg

Tenth level
two ways to slay
If both your souls focus on an enemy, you can break his mind defense.
You can cast either dissonant whispers or Command (duration changes to: 1 round, concentration) at will from now. Chose when you gain this feature. You cast these spells then as af with a first level slot
The DC is your warlock spell DC

Fourteenth level:
True self
You learn your true self and gain a bright personality, but you can still try to let the other half help you. Whenever you focus on your other half as a bonus action, you gain an amount of even psychic damage you want (can't be reduced by resis/immun), but then you gain half that bonus of damage + your charisa modifier (never more bonus than the damage you took) you take on the next int/wis/cha skill check you make within a minute, you may just take a maximum amount of damage equal to your warlock level. You can use this feature an amount of times per rest equal to your charisma modifier. If you didn't spend all your uses yet, you get advantage in inteligence saving throws, thanks to the control you have. Also ypu gain more control on the soul you can let appear, giving him two slam attacks whenever it takes the attack action

[PoeticDwarf]

No feedback at all? I'd like to hear what you think about the idea, balance and features

[PoeticDwarf]

Anyone? Please?

[khadgar567]

Here is a new subclass for 5e edition, the name doesn't refer to the Broken One Monk (3.5). This is the first of the 36 subclasses I'm working on (three for every class)

Spoiler: Fluff

Show

Only someone who knows theirself knows others, it is not an opinion, it is the truth. I took me years of studying, but now I know my true identity I can use everything the best, my soul didn't crush so many times to end here, my spirits will be victorious. I'm not one, I'm two, and I have absolute control about both halves. That I don't refer to myself as we was more difficult, than it is going to be to kill you ~Darfur, the Golddwarf Broken One Warlock, preparing his speech for a fight

As a Broken One Warlock, you don't gain your powers from a mighty creature, far above you, as a Broken One you gain your powers from yourself. This doesn't work as it can work with a sorcerer, Broken One Warlocks have two spirits who are fighting in the Warlock for the might. Most Broken One Warlocks have two personalities because of this. The two parts can both give power to the other when the other becomes stronger, hoping this personality will waste this power so the soul can grow and come in charge. Broken Ones don't even know they gain their power from themselves, and often think another creature gives this might.

Spoiler: Roleplaying

Show

Broken One warlocks (as I mentioned), often have two personalities. They can be very different from each other but sometimes they are almost exactly the same, in almost every case the souls both think they do the best to the warlock and want to take the power over the body. These warlocks can slowly grow in their characters, at the end one spirit becomes stronger and can take the might, but the other can come back sometimes. From level 14 it is often clear who is the most important and who win, the other one already admitted his role, and still gives power, but when the Warlock really needs the half who "lost" this one can try to fight back. At this point the Warlock already knows that give him/her the powers.

Spoiler: The Subclass

Show

First level
Broken Mind
Thanks to the voices in your head, and two personalities who can try to push the other away when they need to, you have advantage on saving throws against charm and frighten effects. You also gain resistance to psychic damage because of this effect, both spirits are damaged, but the one who leads your body just half.

Sixth level
Driven out
When one part becomes stronger, this one can try to drive the other part out of the head. Once per short rest as a bonus action one of your personalities vanishes out of your head, appearing in an unnocupied space you can see within 10ft of you. This Soul is under your command for 1 minute or till the spirit dies or you lose concentration (as concentration on a spell)(statblock below). This half rolls it's own initiative. Whenever you take damage, you gain half damage and the spirit the other half (the spirit can't reduce this) and if the spirit takes damage you take the other half (no reduction).

The Soul has your mental stats, and adds on DEX, STR and CON score your modifier in that score, it has the same proficiency bonus as you do. His modifiers can't be below 0 because your modifiers, and stay at least one.

Spoiler: Statblock

Show

HP: Half yours
AC: 10+dex mod
Speed: hover 30ft

STR DEX CON INT WIS CHA
2 18 14 - - -

Skills: Your proficiencies
Saves: Your proficiencies
Resistances: Psychic, Cold, Fire, Acid nonmagical bludeoning/slashing/piercing
Languages: Understands the same as the "creator"

The Spirit can go through a space as big as 1inch, and through the space of other creatures, ending in such a space lets the Spirit take 1d10 force damage

Actions:
Multiattack: The Spirit makes two slam attacks

Slam: to hit: dex mod + prof. bonus, reach 5ft, damage: 1d6 + dex mod + prof. bonus bluedeoning damage +1d6 force damage


Image:
http://i.imgur.com/JwJV7Uv.jpg

Tenth level
two ways to slay
If both your souls focus on an enemy, you can break his mind defense.
You can cast either dissonant whispers or Command (duration changes to: 1 round, concentration) at will from now. Chose when you gain this feature
The DC is your warlock spell DC

Fourteenth level:
True self
You learn your true self and gain a bright personality, but you can still try to let the other half help you. Whenever you focus on your other half as a bonus action, you gain 2d6 psychic damage (can't be reduced by resis/immun), but then you gain half that bonus (rounded up) of damage you took on the next int/wis/cha skill check you make within a minute. You can use this feature an amount of times per rest equal to your charisma modifier. If you didn't use all your uses yet, you gain advantage in inteligence saving throws, thanks to the control you have.

as a warlock fan fluff and idea is good but you need to flesh out the main idea little bit more
since pc has two personalities can he gain two different warlock patrons at same time
if he gains two different patrons can he gain two different pact boons

[PoeticDwarf]

as a warlock fan fluff and idea is good but you need to flesh out the main idea little bit more
since pc has two personalities can he gain two different warlock patrons at same time
if he gains two different patrons can he gain two different pact boons

Well, that would be of course way too strong. His body and power is one, he just has two personalities.

Still thanks for the comment, maybe I can add something that he gets an additional boon (but somewhere else a nerf) or something.

Suggestion for that ?

[JNAProductions]

Fluff is cool.

Broken Mind-This is worded oddly. What do you mean by both spirits taking damage? You're still one character.

Driven Out-That's a little too powerful. If I'm reading it right, (and I might not be, it's kinda poorly worded) you get something with an 18+ your Dexterity mod in Dexterity. So let's assume you have a Dexterity of 14. That gives it a Dex of 20. That means it's hitting at +8, the same as a Fighter, with two attacks, the same as a Fighter, and deals 2d6+8 damage, even better than a Fighter. And this is a bonus action every short rest?

Even if it just has a Dexterity of 18, it's still +7, two attacks, and 2d6+7. That's basically as good as a Fighter (trading a point of accuracy for two points of damage.)

I take back what I said-it's not a little too powerful, it's really overpowered. This needs to be toned down a LOT.

Two Ways To Slay-Add in the detail that they are cast at spell level 1. Then I think this feature is okay.

True Self-This seems really weak. It's a big penalty for a paltry bonus. The advantage on Intelligence saves is nice, but still really weak.

Overall/tl;dr

Broken Mind-Needs to be clarified, but seems okay.

Driven Out-Needs to be toned down a ton.

Two Ways To Slay-Needs a minor bit of clarification, but should be good.

True Self-Needs a major buff.

[PoeticDwarf]

Fluff is cool.

Broken Mind-This is worded oddly. What do you mean by both spirits taking damage? You're still one character.

Driven Out-That's a little too powerful. If I'm reading it right, (and I might not be, it's kinda poorly worded) you get something with an 18+ your Dexterity mod in Dexterity. So let's assume you have a Dexterity of 14. That gives it a Dex of 20. That means it's hitting at +8, the same as a Fighter, with two attacks, the same as a Fighter, and deals 2d6+8 damage, even better than a Fighter. And this is a bonus action every short rest?

Even if it just has a Dexterity of 18, it's still +7, two attacks, and 2d6+7. That's basically as good as a Fighter (trading a point of accuracy for two points of damage.)

I take back what I said-it's not a little too powerful, it's really overpowered. This needs to be toned down a LOT.

Two Ways To Slay-Add in the detail that they are cast at spell level 1. Then I think this feature is okay.

True Self-This seems really weak. It's a big penalty for a paltry bonus. The advantage on Intelligence saves is nice, but still really weak.

Overall/tl;dr

Broken Mind-Needs to be clarified, but seems okay.

Driven Out-Needs to be toned down a ton.

Two Ways To Slay-Needs a minor bit of clarification, but should be good.

True Self-Needs a major buff.

Broken Mind, the part next to it is just for fluff so the feature is clear enough. (I ment that psycich damage is in my campaigns more targetting your soul than mind, and you have two souls)

Driven out. It doesn't have many HP and low AC, it is 1 minute and it is concentration. Furtherly if you take damage it does too. I don't think it is stronger than conjure animals 1/rest (also same offense at least and way higher defense). I think I could change it to 1/day but not sure

Forgot to add as a first level spell. Was a bit in a hurry cause I had to eat. Thanks you reminded me

True self isn't really strong, but I think it is good enough. Not worse than the fey level 14 feature I'd say. What would be your suggestion for a buff? Although I don't really think it is needed I buffed it a tiny bit.

Thanks for the feedback

[PoeticDwarf]

Last bump

Also JNA, you wasn't supposed to complain about my English because you understood everything. That I'm not English doesn't mean you are a better homebrewer or something

[khadgar567]

Last bump

Also JNA, you wasn't supposed to complain about my English because you understood everything. That I'm not English doesn't mean you are a better homebrewer or something

okay I am sic of creating flame wars. ender where are you from because its look like jolly old english is not your primary language I think. and I know what are you feeling mate I am also recently start homebrew and my work is little bit bad

[PoeticDwarf]

I'm from the Netherlands. As my sign says, I don't have English a very long time yet :(
As you says, always annoying when you can't say or explain everything

[khadgar567]

I'm from the Netherlands. As my sign says, I don't have English a very long time yet :(
As you says, always annoying when you can't say or explain everything

I understand you mate

[JNAProductions]

Last bump

Also JNA, you wasn't supposed to complain about my English because you understood everything. That I'm not English doesn't mean you are a better homebrewer or something

I never claimed to be a better homebrewer. Please don't put words in my mouth.

For Broken Mind, I'd change the wording to reflect generic fluff, not your world specific fluff. It brings up some confusion.

Driven Out is the equivalent of an entire extra party member, as I explained earlier. Concentration doesn't matter because you can easily hang back and Repelling Blast people who get too near, so it's unlikely to be dropped. In addition, you're still contributing very well with your own Eldritch Blasts. I would advise cutting out the Force damage and Proficiency bonus to damage. That way, it's only 1d6+4 twice a round. Still pretty damn good, but not quite overpowered. (I think. It'd need testing.)

I'm really not sure how to buff True Self. It's kinda confusing-I'd honestly give a whole new mechanic to it. For instance, maybe gain a large pool of Temp HP created by a psychic ward that forms when you're in tune with yourself? I'm not sure, all I know is it could use a buff.

[PoeticDwarf]

I never claimed to be a better homebrewer. Please don't put words in my mouth.

For Broken Mind, I'd change the wording to reflect generic fluff, not your world specific fluff. It brings up some confusion.

Driven Out is the equivalent of an entire extra party member, as I explained earlier. Concentration doesn't matter because you can easily hang back and Repelling Blast people who get too near, so it's unlikely to be dropped. In addition, you're still contributing very well with your own Eldritch Blasts. I would advise cutting out the Force damage and Proficiency bonus to damage. That way, it's only 1d6+4 twice a round. Still pretty damn good, but not quite overpowered. (I think. It'd need testing.)

I'm really not sure how to buff True Self. It's kinda confusing-I'd honestly give a whole new mechanic to it. For instance, maybe gain a large pool of Temp HP created by a psychic ward that forms when you're in tune with yourself? I'm not sure, all I know is it could use a buff.

I never said you said you are a better homebrewer

I removed multiattack, but gave it to buff true self on level 14, making the bonus on skills more an extra for fluff