Undead Love

[meioziz]

I was just on google, trying to look up ways to create intelligent undead, since I read 465. My search string was "D&D cleric create intelligent undead", and on the first page (!!), the second-to-last result's summary as displayed by google was:

Furthermore, he/she is 50% likely to rape unintelligent undead or seduce (to the point of begging) intelligent undead. The DM and players can see the ...

Uh... right. So I had to click the link: The AD&D Book of Sex...

And so I searched for "undead", and there it is: Innecrophilia. Tsukiko anyone? Now please give me brain acid. Thanks.

Meioziz

[Alysar]

Innecrophelia! That's the word i've been looking for to differentiate between the regular kind and what Tsukiko does.

[Basalock]

Please die now, thanks

[Ganurath]

Well, now I know the required spell to make the belt Roy used to duck the assassins back in the early 200s.

[meioziz]

Ahem, not that I really wanted to read more of it, but my curiosity got the best of me. Some of the more notable spells I thought were:

Power Word, Castrate
Change Sexual Preference
Pillow Talk

... and my favorites,

Leomund's Tiny Brothel
Mordenkainen's Lubrication

...

I wonder why the great archmagi Leomund and Mordenkainen would be interested in researching these........ I guess even heroes have needs.

[Alysar]

Power Word, Castrate

Well. My knees certainly just slammed together.

[InfernusTribble]

I read twenty lines, then passed my san check and closed the link

[TigerHunter]

I will NOT click that link. No, I will NOT.
Edit: Damnit. I clicked. Proceeding to securely delete cookies...

[Ganurath]

I read twenty lines, then passed my san check and closed the link

I added it to my favorites section.

I need to update some of this for 3.5 so I can work it into the campaign I'm working on...

[BobTheDog]

Know Sexual Preference is a must have for any seduction-based rogue/spy/infiltrator.

And Sterility isn't bad, either...

[Gundato]

I added it to my favorites section.

I need to update some of this for 3.5 so I can work it into the campaign I'm working on...

Actually, someone already beat you to it. Look up the Book of Erotic Fantasy for a good laugh.

[meioziz]

I added it to my favorites section.

I need to update some of this for 3.5 so I can work it into the campaign I'm working on...

If you're doing this, might I suggest you include an invention of mine, if for no reason other than to pull another archmage into this whole mess:

Bigby's Caressing Hand
Evocation [Force]
Level: Sor/Wiz 6
Components: V, S, F
Casting Time: 1 standard action
Range: Medium (100 ft. + 10 ft./level)
Effect: 10-ft. hand
Duration: 1 round/level (D)
Saving Throw: Will
Spell Resistance: Yes

This spell functions like Bigby's Interposing Hand, except that instead of providing cover, it moves toward the opponent until it comes upon the opponent. The hand then caresses the opponent, causing erotic feelings in the opponent. The erotic feelings cause the opponent loses all DEX bonuses (to AC or any other checks involving DEX) and cannot make Reflex saving throws. The opponent also suffers a -4 on her attacks and can only perform either a standard action or a move action each round the hand caresses.

A caressing hand is 10 feet long and about that wide with its fingers outstretched. On the fingers are holes, nodules, and suction cups designed to cause pleasurable erotic feelings for all genders.

If the opponent is a caster, she needs to make a Concentration check (DC14) to cast any spell with a somatic component.

As a free action, the caster can direct the hand to insert an elongated nodule into the opponents mouth. This would require the opponent to also succeed a Concentration check (DC14) to cast any spell with a verbal component. However, this action allows the opponent to make new Will save to resist the hand's erotic feelings as described above.

Focus
A soft glove.


...

Ahem, on second thought, I must have rolled -10 below the SAN check when I read this page, to suffer the additional drawback of writing additional material for it....


EDIT: Oh, another note on this spell... originally, I was going to write one for Bigby's Clenched Orifice. But I couldn't stop laughing too hard to type... so this task will have to fall on one of you!

EDIT2: Looking at Bigby's own Wiki page, I realized some of these can be reinterpreted as erotic spells:

- Bigby's Construction Crew (some women's fantasy?)
- Bigby's Dextrous Digits
- Bigby's Feeling Fingers
- Bigby's Helpful Hand (for self-helpers, ahem)
- Bigby's Slapping Hand
- Bigby's Strangling Grip (erotic asphyxiation?)

Hmm... Bigby must have been a pretty perverted archmage...

[meioziz]

Actually, someone already beat you to it. Look up the Book of Erotic Fantasy for a good laugh.

Oh, righto. I've forgotten about the existence of this book. Have more names of various archmagi been further defiled in this updated version?

[Ganurath]

Oh, righto. I've forgotten about the existence of this book. Have more names of various archmagi been further defiled in this updated version?

Melf probably altered his singular creation for cleanup.

Too keep things remotely on subject, I think Tsukiko's passion has less to due with that insanity disease and more to due with her being a perverse sort of evil. Or maybe a dominant personality, mystic study, and having been emotionally manipulated one too many times drew her to her fancy.

[Forevergrey]

If you're doing this, might I suggest you include an invention of mine, if for no reason other than to pull another archmage into this whole mess:

Bigby's Caressing Hand
Evocation [Force]
Level: Sor/Wiz 6
Components: V, S, F
Casting Time: 1 standard action
Range: Medium (100 ft. + 10 ft./level)
Effect: 10-ft. hand
Duration: 1 round/level (D)
Saving Throw: Will
Spell Resistance: Yes

This spell functions like Bigby's Interposing Hand, except that instead of providing cover, it moves toward the opponent until it comes upon the opponent. The hand then caresses the opponent, causing erotic feelings in the opponent. The erotic feelings cause the opponent loses all DEX bonuses (to AC or any other checks involving DEX) and cannot make Reflex saving throws. The opponent also suffers a -4 on her attacks and can only perform either a standard action or a move action each round the hand caresses.

A caressing hand is 10 feet long and about that wide with its fingers outstretched. On the fingers are holes, nodules, and suction cups designed to cause pleasurable erotic feelings for all genders.

If the opponent is a caster, she needs to make a Concentration check (DC14) to cast any spell with a somatic component.

As a free action, the caster can direct the hand to insert an elongated nodule into the opponents mouth. This would require the opponent to also succeed a Concentration check (DC14) to cast any spell with a verbal component. However, this action allows the opponent to make new Will save to resist the hand's erotic feelings as described above.

Focus
A soft glove.


...

Ahem, on second thought, I must have rolled -10 below the SAN check when I read this page, to suffer the additional drawback of writing additional material for it....


EDIT: Oh, another note on this spell... originally, I was going to write one for Bigby's Clenched Orifice. But I couldn't stop laughing too hard to type... so this task will have to fall on one of you!

EDIT2: Looking at Bigby's own Wiki page, I realized some of these can be reinterpreted as erotic spells:

- Bigby's Construction Crew (some women's fantasy?)
- Bigby's Dextrous Digits
- Bigby's Feeling Fingers
- Bigby's Helpful Hand (for self-helpers, ahem)
- Bigby's Slapping Hand
- Bigby's Strangling Grip (erotic asphyxiation?)

Hmm... Bigby must have been a pretty perverted archmage...

If I could cast this spell I would never get up in the morning, providing I (oh please god) failed my saving throw.

I might reach across for a ciggarette between castings however.

[meioziz]

Now that I've written up a spell for Bigby (to sully his name, no less), and listed two that did in Leomund and Mordenkainen, I think it's only appropriate to include some other archmagi... perhaps they'd have secretly invented their own perversion spells:

Tasha's Orgasmic Laughter (modified from Tasha's Hideous Laughter)

Evard's Pink Tentacles (modified from Evard's Black Tentacles)

Tenser's Floating Dildo / Tenser's Gender Transformation (modified from Tenser's Floating Disc and Tenser's Transformation)

Nystul's Attractive Aura (modified from Nystul's Magic Aura, or Nystul's Undetectable Aura)

Otto's Irresistable Stripdance / Otto's Pulsing Vibrations (modified from Otto's Irresistable Dance and Otto's Soothing Vibrations)

And Melf's kinda hard to do... his magic arrows sound way too painful for this purpose... perhaps we could modify from Melf's Minute Meteors

Melf's Minute Eja... oh never mind.

[ThorFluff]

i'd hate to say this on a serious forum and all but....
ROFLMAO
Oh goddamn, my sides hurt, haven't had this fun for a long time:P

EDIT: Oh, another note on this spell... originally, I was going to write one for Bigby's Clenched Orifice. But I couldn't stop laughing too hard to type... so this task will have to fall on one of you!

ARGH, you'r killing me!
Bigsby; The Tightass.

You just made my week.

[the mysterian]

somebody was playing waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too much D&D when they made that.

hmm there is a section on prostitutes.perfect for belkar.

[PiperlyonWiz5]

Innecrophelia! That's the word i've been looking for to differentiate between the regular kind and what Tsukiko does.

what does that even meen?

[ThorFluff]

Un=In
Dead = Necro
Lover = Philia

Lichf****r in short (mods please don't kill me , just could not resist it )

[Jasdoif]

If I could cast this spell I would never get up in the morning, providing I (oh please god) failed my saving throw.

You can choose to forego a saving throw and accept a spell's result, you know

[ThorFluff]

pfft, Summon Mount!
Its a cantrip, its free, and it's a randomly selected individual. I mean for all entertainment purposes, this has to beat everything!

[Ganurath]

Now that I've written up a spell for Bigby (to sully his name, no less), and listed two that did in Leomund and Mordenkainen, I think it's only appropriate to include some other archmagi... perhaps they'd have secretly invented their own perversion spells:

Melf probably modifed his acid arrows to a form that shot a harmless ammount of water in a narrow stream for a specific purpose (don't know what to call it.)

Rary's Exclusive Enhancer. Different effects based on the gender of the target, naturally.

[The Extinguisher]

Blue Magic > All.
My bard uses them constantly.

Speedy Undress + Ultimate Lubrication + A swift kick down some stairs = Godly Amounts of Awesome

Needless to say, it makes the campaigns much more fun.

[Thexare Blademoon]

Blue Magic > All.
My bard uses them constantly.

Speedy Undress + Ultimate Lubrication + A swift kick down some stairs = Godly Amounts of Awesome

Wait a second, where the hell does the kick down the stairs come from? I must've failed my Knowledge (Useless) check here... blasted natural ones.

[Kesnit]

Un=In
Dead = Necro
Lover = Philia

Lichf****r in short (mods please don't kill me , just could not resist it )

Wouldn't that be Lich Loved from Book of Vile Darkness?

[The Extinguisher]

Wait a second, where the hell does the kick down the stairs come from? I must've failed my Knowledge (Useless) check here... blasted natural ones.

The kick down the stairs comes from your feet kicking them down a set of stairs.

[Ben7el]

Blue Magic > All.
My bard uses them constantly.

Speedy Undress + Ultimate Lubrication + A swift kick down some stairs = Godly Amounts of Awesome

Needless to say, it makes the campaigns much more fun.

The sad thing is, I read that book

:(

[Pyro]

Some of these spells are so disturbing its rivaling the Belkars Romantic Interest thread. I'm so tempted to click the link to the site where these came from, but I fear the cookies it would bring.

[Ganurath]

Some of these spells are so disturbing its rivaling the Belkars Romantic Interest thread. I'm so tempted to click the link to the site where these came from, but I fear the cookies it would bring.

I didn't catch any cookies.