Social dilemma -_-

[Rusvul]

I've been part of a D&D game for a while, and for most of the lifespan of the game there've been just three people involved. One person asked if he could invite a friend of his (someone we all knew fairly well) and we were fine with that. He joined and it was all good.

A few weeks later, the recently-added guy wanted to invite another person. Problem is, he approached that person before anyone else, so... If we said no, suddenly now we're excluding someone rather than just not inviting them. It's poor conduct, really, but it's how things happened.

The person he wants to invite is a friend of some of the people at the table and an acquaintance of mine. Problem is, I don't really like him very much and I don't really want him in my home game (or my home). So while I don't want to be a jerk, I also don't really want to let him in either.

I'm not sure what to do... I could probably convince the group to deny him entry (it is my house, after all) but I don't think I'd feel right doing that.

Moral of the story: Ask your group before inviting someone.

[JNAProductions]

It's your game. In order to be polite, here's what I would say-"Four people is the most I'm willing to DM for. Sorry, but we just don't have room for your friend."

That way, it's not him, it's you, and will hopefully avoid any hurt feelings.

But do remember-it is your JOB as the DM to not only make the game fun for the players, but also to have fun yourself.

[KillianHawkeye]

Is Rusvul actually the DM? He did not actually say that.

Honestly, just talk to your group about this. Tell them you're not comfortable having this person in your home and hope that they're understanding about it.

[Slipperychicken]

It's your game. In order to be polite, here's what I would say-"Four people is the most I'm willing to DM for. Sorry, but we just don't have room for your friend."

That's what I'd suggest. Also tell your new player (politely) not to invite new people without running the idea by you first. And honestly 5 players is starting to push it. There's no need to burn out trying to run for too many people.


If you're not the DM, then your concerns are perfectly valid. You don't want this person in your house, and your friends should be willing to respect that.

[Ruslan]

If you want to say no, just say no. You don't owe anything to anyone. The fact your player approached the other person before consulting the other members of the group is a clear mistake on his part, and he should bear the consequences for it.

Let him explain to his friend that the group is full, they aren't actually taking new members, maybe some other time, it was my bad, blah blah. Let him do the squirming. Why are you even worried about this? Do you need approval from random strangers on the internet not to invite someone you don't like to your house against your will?

In the unlikely case you do need such approval, you have mine.

[Tvtyrant]

Tell them you don't feel comfortable with that many people in your house at once and they need to go to someone elses house if he joins. I know that would be true for me, and the stress of a large group at my house would suck the fun out.

[Rusvul]

Thanks, all, for the varied responses. I think I've got an idea of what to do. I appreciate it! :)

(And no, I'm not the DM. That would make things a little easier.)

[Segev]

Just backing up the consensus, here: it's your house, and you are not obligated to ruin your good time by being forced to put up with somebody who makes you uncomfortable in it. Be as polite as you can while being firm, but explain that you don't want to have this person in the game. You can hedge around the personal dislike and "your house" issue unless it looks like you're being outvoted, but do put your foot down about it. It IS your house, and it's NOT cool to force a "guest" on you that makes you unhappy.

[Sitri]

If you want to say no, just say no. You don't owe anything to anyone. The fact your player approached the other person before consulting the other members of the group is a clear mistake on his part, and he should bear the consequences for it.

Let him explain to his friend that the group is full, they aren't actually taking new members, maybe some other time, it was my bad, blah blah. Let him do the squirming. Why are you even worried about this? Do you need approval from random strangers on the internet not to invite someone you don't like to your house against your will?

In the unlikely case you do need such approval, you have mine.

I think the average person in real life isn't near as crass as the average internet personality. I have seen almost this exact same question a couple years ago where the forced guest was a big mooch.

I would tell the guy who invited him, "Please don't invite people into my house without talking to me first." When he ask, "Yes that means the other guy is not invited."

If the other guy ask you about it, "I don't know you well enough to have you as a regular guest in my house." seems legit to me.

The more you try to explain and sugar coat, the more room both will have to argue. This is what I would do, but I have been told several times that I am too crass.