Things I May No Longer Do While Playing X: Bard is not a valid choice

[Geodude6]

* I am not allowed to play commoners anymore.

[ElFi]

* Even if the DM rules that wagon-horses are immobile during fights to avoid too much clutter, I'm not allowed to use them as cover.
** Our rogue is not allowed to climb on top of the horses for a high-ground attack bonus, either.

* Not allowed to set free captive trolls as a distraction when we have a bard handy and nearby.
** May not set fire to the troll for extra distraction points.
*** Blowing up the castle afterwards is just overkill.

[noob]

****can not reply that it was not overkill since I always want to blow up castles because it makes their inhabitants realize there is better ways to defend themselves.
*If there is an undead specie that somehow appeared from nowhere and who is dedicated on killing me and who have my name in their name then I must wonder what I did.
**It is surely not because I plan to blow up everything with black powder and to crush things with orbital bombardments of small spiked balls.

I suggest as a title:
Things I May No Longer Do While Playing X: You should not stop to increment threads.

[JAL_1138]

+1 to this for the next title.

Things I May No Longer Do While Playing XI: A Kick in the Tiefling

*Lawful Good does not double-cross two (evil-aligned) factions, without technically lying, in order to get both sides to kill each other then take their stuff.

Spoiler: spoilers from TftYP version of Sunless Citadel

Show

**Lawful Good does not cut a deal with a kobold tribe to bring back the dragon wyrmling they'd kept in a cage, then in order to get the wyrmling to go back, promise that it could rule the kobolds if it could conquer them, feed poor Meepo to it, then let it attack the kobolds (with the justification of "we said we'd bring it back; we didn't say anything about how"), then fight from range when the kobolds start attacking us in retaliation but avoid melee so they'd target the wyrmling that rushed into the thick of them ("we never said we'd be meatshields for it, or even help"), then mop up the few kobold survivors who remained aggressive after most of them died taking out the wyrmling, then steal everything once all of them were dead.

[Socksy]

**clearly they'd be called short-change

F**k sake.
<3

I support XI: A kick in the Tiefling too.
____________________________________

* Must make sure all the players are certain on the spelling of "Vorr" before it makes its bite attack.
** Actually a Vorr Ozodrin is horrifying, thank you very much.

[DigoDragon]

**** May not question how the monk is training the animals without the ranger.

Clearly because the ranger is a useless class in this campaign. [/salty]


* Post apocalypse campaigns are about survival. I'm no longer allowed to build a rocket as justification of circumnavigating the problem.
** I'm no longer allowed to make logical arguments about raiding old military bases for rocket parts.
*** Banned from raiding Area 51 for their 'imported rocket tech' and fancy space suits made by 'illegal aliens'.
**** Just because I successfully launched a rocket, it doesn't mean I'm getting a First Contact scenario.
***** If the aliens abduct me, I really shouldn't be surprised that I end up in their petting zoo.

[JAL_1138]

*The horryifying eldritch abomination that causes psychic damage to anyone who sees its true form and warps the fabric of reality by its very presence may not be the Big Good of the campaign.

[Fable Wright]

*The horryifying eldritch abomination that causes psychic damage to anyone who sees its true form and warps the fabric of reality by its very presence may not be the Big Good of the campaign.

** May not point out the similarities between such beings and the original portrayal of Angels.
*** Or certain related deities.
**** May not advance the theory that all D&D deities really are eldritch abominations.

[Anonymouswizard]

Clearly because the ranger is a useless class in this campaign. [/salty]


* Post apocalypse campaigns are about survival. I'm no longer allowed to build a rocket as justification of circumnavigating the problem.
** I'm no longer allowed to make logical arguments about raiding old military bases for rocket parts.
*** Banned from raiding Area 51 for their 'imported rocket tech' and fancy space suits made by 'illegal aliens'.
**** Just because I successfully launched a rocket, it doesn't mean I'm getting a First Contact scenario.
***** If the aliens abduct me, I really shouldn't be surprised that I end up in their petting zoo.

****** May not point out that at least the problem isn't survival anymore.

*The horryifying eldritch abomination that causes psychic damage to anyone who sees its true form and warps the fabric of reality by its very presence may not be the Big Good of the campaign.

** Under all circumstances they may not be 'Mr Fluffykins'.
*** Must stop insisting that every horror we come across is cute and trying to tame it.
**** Animal Handling (Eldritch Abominations) is now banned.

[JAL_1138]

** May not point out the similarities between such beings and the original portrayal of Angels.

Wheels within wheels, their rims set with eyes...

Spoiler

Show

And that's just one class, sometimes called the Thrones or Ophanim. Cherubs are even weirder. By some descriptions, they had four faces--man, ox, lion, and eagle--and were covered in eyes all around, including on their four conjoined wings, and moved in inhuman ways, never turning since they faced all directions simultaneously.

There's a reason the older depictions of angels had to say "Fear not!" whenever they appeared.

[Zarquon Illius]

May not play a conjurer with the physicist background.On pain of death
May not conjure antimatter and contingency a dimension door.
May not use it to conjure up rare elements and study them.
Must not conjure up blackholes just to mess with the BBEG's time stop and get free rests, or make the DM do relativistic math.

[Zarquon Illius]

I cannot use my charisma to convince the villain that his talents are better suited to the advancement of human knowledge.
I cannot invoke existential crises as an action.

If the words I use for vicious mockery require an intelligence check by the target, or use of a dictionary as a sourcebook, I can't use them. Even if the villain is a pathetic embarrassment to sentient and sapient organisms, who's cerebral cortex serves merely as a tribute to stagnation and a cautionary tale on the subject of entropy.

If I even mention Carl Sagan, the clerics will all turn against me.
My wizard cannot quote "The God Delusion" at the cleric.Nor can he use "Science as a Candle in the Dark" as the verbal component for fireball.

[Anonymouswizard]

May not play a conjurer with the physicist background.On pain of death
May not conjure antimatter and contingency a dimension door.
May not use it to conjure up rare elements and study them.
Must not conjure up blackholes just to mess with the BBEG's time stop and get free rests, or make the DM do relativistic math.

* These are all fine if the group is filled with scientists and engineers.

* Must stop geeking out over how one of my GMs had efficient automated production of magic items (relatively minor ones, potions and minor talismans were almost all automated, as were basic magic clothes and weapons although it was less prestigious than custom made).

* Antimatter is banned as a weapon.
** Antimatter is banned as a building material.
*** Antimatter is banned as a fuel source.
**** Matter-matter annihilation is banned as both a weapon and a fuel source.
***** Fusion generators can no longer be smaller than a person.
****** Batteries are not weapons and I am to stop overloading them.
******* I am banned from taking technological skills.
******** I am banned from playing memetic engineers in a party with technological skills.

[Lord Torath]

May not play a conjurer with the physicist background.On pain of death
May not conjure antimatter and contingency a dimension door.
May not use it to conjure up rare elements and study them.
Must not conjure up blackholes just to mess with the BBEG's time stop and get free rests, or make the DM do relativistic math.

* These are all fine if the group is filled with scientists and engineers.

* Antimatter is banned as a weapon.
** Antimatter is banned as a building material.
*** Antimatter is banned as a fuel source.
**** Matter-matter annihilation is banned as both a weapon and a fuel source.
***** Fusion generators can no longer be smaller than a person.
****** Batteries are not weapons and I am to stop overloading them.
******* I am banned from taking technological skills.
******** I am banned from playing memetic engineers in a party with technological skills.

I thought we agreed: GNO GNOMES!!!!!

[Anonymouswizard]

I'll cop to it, I'm a major gnome even when they're banned. I'm not happy with a spaceship if I can't mount at least one moon-killing weapon on it, ideally at least two just so I have a contingency, and my characters have a surprising tendency to blow up faster the closer I get to the word 'engineer'.

Heck, I normally play magical characters over technological ones because I'll except limits on reasonable magic from anybody while with technology I'll fight for it unless I feel like the GM really understands science and engineering (a total of two GMs I've played with, I essentially use the 'railgun test', in a modern day I'll ask for a railgun. Bad GMs will go 'you can't have one', smart ones will go 'what's your INT mod? +2, okay, your character is smart enough to know you don't have a good enough power source to use it as a main weapon, I suggest using a firearm'). Heck, I once got annoyed because a GM denied me access to a table, straps, and a scalpel (it was I zombie game, I went in with someone who's response to the apocalypse had switched from 'lets survive this' to 'I'm researching the **** out of these').

Heck, I've self banned my favourite form of magic (alchemy) just so GMs don't have to deal with me trying to analyse every weird thing we come across (I'm not naturally a combat gamer, I like to poke things and when running I like my players to poke things¹).

¹Ideally with a very long stick and an alibi, some things are particularly explosive and/or illegal.

[JAL_1138]

*There is such a thing as enough explosives.
** "Enough," for my character anyway, is a synonym for "none." The DM would like to have a plot instead of a smoldering crater.

*It can really annoy people in Adventurers' League when the bard's to-hit bonus when using Sharpshooter's -5/+10 feature is the same as their character's standard to-hit bonus without using a power attack feat.

[Socksy]

* Dire wolves do not have lasers, six eye stalks, a large stunning central eye, and a habit of floating about five feet off the ground.
** If a PC accidentally becomes a prophet of the Great Mother, should probably let him know BEFORE he tries to summon anything.

[Anonymouswizard]

*There is such a thing as enough explosives.
** "Enough," for my character anyway, is a synonym for "none." The DM would like to have a plot instead of a smoldering crater.

Ah, I'm getting Call of Cthulhu nostalgia. The only good plot hook is a destroyed plot hook.

*** Physics now counts as an explosive.
**** It's easier than banking hydrogen.
***** May no longer throw nuclear reactors at to catastrophically fail in every hole in every well I come across. Even if this is the only sensible action at this point I'm the game.

On Call of Cthulhu:
* Cannot abuse the aging rules.

[Guizonde]

it's been a few years since i've last posted. here we go again. keep in mind, all below are true. the setting is post-apocalyptic, with a very heavy dose of gallows humor.

the party:

*may not warp the dm's brain one at a time by pointing out threads and ideas the dm didn't think of.
**may not warp the dm's brain all at once, even if we thought about the new revelation simultaneously.
*is not allowed to scale the 4th wall. bouncing off it is allowed.
**the 4th wall is not to be weaponized anymore.
*one tank is enough. two would be even more overkill.
*is not allowed to create a giant megacorp again. but is allowed to topple said megacorp repeatedly, because obviously, if it keeps coming back, it was built too good in the first place.
*is not to warp npc brains just for a bonus on intimidation checks or to bypass inconvenient conversations again.
*is not to consider that repainting the scenery with enemies is "close enough to call a room cleared".
*is not to consider "plan a: kill everything to death"
** plan b cannot be "kill it with fire"
*** plan c cannot be "let guizonde build a couple of atomic bombs".
**** ok, here are the plans: "plan a: go to the bar. plan b: moderate violence. plan c: set everything on fire and run away." this leaves a chance for intrigue and suspense.
*is now banned starting out as cannibals

now, for my personnal bans:

Spoiler: wall of text

Show

*guizonde is now banned the following weapons: tanks, atomic bombs improvised or otherwise, motor vehicles, mounts (including pc's), batteries, generators, anything with rotary barrels, hammers, power weapons (with the notable exception of bayonets), laser rifles, laser pistols, laser miniguns, anything with a full auto setting, armor-piercing rounds, molotov cocktails, explosives, ied's (again), cigars, chains (as projectiles), the scenery, the 4th wall (again), npc's.
**the following list is subject to change, in accordance with guizonde's damage output.
***if the weapon has a damage output that exceeds 5 times the party's total damage per round, it will go on this list. (crits included).
**** unless the dm authorizes it based on the party's needs, the party cannot give guizonde any of those weapons.
*the hague and geneva conventions bans on what is not allowed in the rules of war cannot be a bucket list.
*placing land mines for area denial is fine. duck taping land mines to npc butts is not.
**neither are whoopie cushions.
*if guizonde's critical hit needs the team and the dm to calculate its damage, it's not necessary to count and is assumed the victim is dead as a doornail.
**no going for high scores again. guizonde automatically wins. this rule is to avoid giving the dm a headache.
*if guizonde's kill-count is superior to small-sized armies, i'm to reign it back.
**even if it was both necessary and entertaining.
***no going on genocides again.
*motorcycles are not "giant skateboards", and guizonde is not allowed to do kickflips on them, even if the dice say so.
**motorcycles are not "giant blunt weapons".
***neither are they ied's waiting to happen.
*for the umpteenth time, not allowed to aim for an npc's feelings. the testicles have to suffice, dammit!
*"no witnesses, no crime", is not how stealth works.
*the following is not valid scatter-gun ammo: coins, rock salt, live rats, dead rats, chains, acid, grenades, npc skulls, npc feelings, moral superiority, bad video games (too cruel).
*guizonde is never allowed to play a genius sociopath ever again. (it hits too close to home, apparently)
** if guizonde ever hears the party screaming loudly "EDWAAAAAAAAAAAARD!!", guizonde is to assume he's broken the above rule and should feel bad.
*guizonde is not allowed to play a foul-mouthed grump if his insult slinging leaves the dm and party in stitches after every insult. either change the concept or find less funny insults.
*cannibalism is not "morally acceptable if the human npc was a chicken"
**it's not ok either even if the team's cannibal says it's the "other other white meat"
*not allowed to change hairstyles once per session, even if it's for disguise purposes.
**dreadlocks are banned for guizonde (again, but for different reasons)
*"enough" is to be judged by the dm, not guizonde.
*there's no such thing as an "atomic party popper"
*if a tazer goes above the 500000 volts in terms of power, it's assumed to be too powerful.
**no hotwiring a nuclear generator and calling it a tazer tripwire again.
***especially if it was super effective.
*guizonde is not allowed to convert the party to the joys of bayonets again.
**guizonde is not allowed to convert the party to the joys of gatling guns again.
***guizonde is not allowed to convert the party to the joys of nuclear explosions.
*if guizonde's plan is the only sane one at any given time, there's a problem with either the players, or the scenario.
*no, the solution to eldritch horrors is not "more dakka".
**scratch that, it seems that it is indeed a solution, just not the dm's.
***not allowed to cackle and reload after that. that makes you look smug.
****not allowed to loudly say "NEXT!" either.
*one-shot executions are not the way to start a negociation.
**even if it is effective.
***just because another party member does it doesn't mean it's allowed again.
*no weaponizing chaos again.
*"a distraction" is to allow the party to slip through guard patrols. signle-handedly destroying 50 guards is not a distraction.
**setting the town on fire is not a distraction. it's an escape plan.
*if i giggle, i'm to assume the dm will say no. if it's a pun, i must wait until tension is at its peak.
**if it makes a teammate giggle, it's banned.
***if it makes the dm giggle, god help us all.
*shepherd guns are not skeleton keys.
**neither are they "enhanced interrogation tools"
***... ok, they shouldn't be used as suppositories, but just this once it was too funny to pass up.
*not allowed to hand out "post-partum abortions" on enemy npc's. it's called preemptive legitimate defense.
*sniper duels, as tense as they are, don't need rude gestures to accompany missed shots.
**rude gestures are not "sign language".
***teabagging downed enemy snipers is ok in online fps. it's not ok in pen and paper.
*guizonde is allowed to lean on the 4th wall. guizonde is not allowed to climb the 4th wall.
**guizonde cannot throw the dm at the 4th wall.
***guizonde cannot throw the 4th wall at the dm.
****guizonde cannot grant "knowledge: 4th wall" to an npc ever again.
*guizonde is not allowed to start the game with a preexisting insanity again.
*no, guizonde, pants are not "a tool of domination imposed by the patriarchy".
**not allowed to start a crusade to ban the wearing of pants. that's what real life is for.

crap, forgot two.

*it's the character that's supposed to have a signature weapon, but in guizonde's case, it's bayonets.
**bayonets are not able to be mounted to the following: rocket launchers, gatling guns, sniper rifles, swords, crowbars, bayonets, binoculars, teammates, cigars, trees (treebranches are ok), the plot, the 4th wall, the players, friendly npc's, tanks, motorcycles, drones, missiles, grenades, arrows, crossbow bolts.

it's been a busy 4 years.

[TeChameleon]

* No matter how logical I think it is, I am no longer to open a (formerly) guarded door and promptly torch the room.
** Particularly if the room contains prisoners. If this action is performed on a room containing extremely attractive female prisoners, the jokes regarding my (heterosexual male) character's orientation are my own fault.
*** If, after one of the other PCs decides that there is an outside chance that my wizard may not have simply jumped his trolley and had an actual reason for attempting to turn the apparent prisoners into charcoal and uses Truesight on them, said PC abruptly drops dead, the correct response is not turning around and ignoring the dangerous prisoners in order to start haranguing the rest of the party about their pathetic lack of observational skills.
**** I am also no longer allowed to have my extremely squishy and entirely unarmoured wizard (successfully) tank the entire encounter after the actual tank has dropped to a save-or-die attack and almost the entirety of the rest of the party has been feared and is running around in disarray. ***** I am especially not allowed to do this while continuing to lecture the rest of the party about 'paying proper attention to details' and only occasionally casting a disinterested Burning Hands in the general direction of the actual monsters.

Apparently the right combination of irritation and smugness can function as a surprisingly potent painkiller for my character

[Anonymouswizard]

* The following are not valid weapon proficiencies: grammar, FTL drive, nuclear reactor, teammates, asteroids, satellites (natural or artificial), planets.
** Certainly not 'FTL Drive equipped planets'.

* If the minimum safe distance is at least one AU the plan is banned.

[Khaiel]

* If the minimum safe distance is at least one AU the plan is banned.

** My character's MO can't be based on a spell that erases from existance everything in a one AU radius.
*** No, said spell will never fall under "Regrettable but acceptable collateral damage."

[Lord Raziere]

* If the minimum safe distance is at least one AU the plan is banned.

** My character's MO can't be based on a spell that erases from existence everything in a one AU radius.
*** No, said spell will never fall under "Regrettable but acceptable collateral damage."

**** This goes double for DBZ campaigns. Those types of plans are supposed to be for the VILLAINS.
***** This goes triple if the minimum safe distance is a completely different solar system.
****** Quadruple if it involves ticking off alien space tyrant mega-hitler "for the greater good."

[JAL_1138]

*Cannot form a holding company called "The Greater Good" to get around Zone of Truth spells.

[TheTeaMustFlow]

** My character's MO can't be based on a spell that erases from existance everything in a one AU radius.
*** No, said spell will never fall under "Regrettable but acceptable collateral damage."

****Even if the rules allow it, having said spell at level 1 is cheating. (Ah, Anima, you so crazy)

[Spookykid]

may no longer use demon summoning scrolls even though there is only a 1% chance of summoning something that would wipe the party out in an instant, and probably the major city were in, and probably the county that city is in as well

[Lord Torath]

* I may no longer post in this thread.
** Use the next one.

[Wookieetank]

may no longer use demon summoning scrolls even though there is only a 1% chance of summoning something that would wipe the party out in an instant, and probably the major city were in, and probably the county that city is in as well

**May not use said scroll to create an underground gambling ring and/or pit fighting enterprise.

[Lord Torath]

**May not use said scroll to create an underground gambling ring and/or pit fighting enterprise.

* I may no longer post in this thread.
** Use the next one.

* I may no longer Ninja a poster on the last post of the last page of a thread.