The Silly Spell Thread

[Kurald Galain]

There's quite a bunch of (intentionally) silly spells on the web, and sometimes players come up with something great. I thought we could use a thread for that.

This one's a classic:

Bigby's Insulting Hand
(Wizard level 1)

Creates a small magic hand that appears next to one opponent. This floating, disembodied hand then moves to remain within the arc of vision of said opponent, regardless of where the opponent moves or how the opponent tries to get away from it. The hand continually makes insulting gestures at said opponent.

[SpikeFightwicky]

How about:

Tasha's Hideous Uncontrollable Daughter

Don't have any actual write-ups for it, though.

[Keld Denar]

Delayed Blast Flatulence

.....Name says it all

For added fun, apply metamagic for the silent (but deadly) version.

[Fixer]

Evard's Invasive Tentacles

It will get said eventually.

[Douglas]

Fire(ball) At Will
Sor/Wiz 2
As Fireball, except the blast is centered on the nearest creature named Will in range. If no creature named Will is in range, the spell fails. The creature in question must recognize and accept the name as its own, so the party can't simply dub the bad-guy-of-the-day 'Will' and proceed to use 2nd level spell slots for a 3rd level spell. A wizard could, however, name his familiar Will, have it sneak into the middle of an enemy camp, and let fly. If the wizard fails to adequately ensure his familiar will survive both the fireball and the enemies it will be in the middle of, though, the familiar may refuse to go along with this scheme.

[Keld Denar]

Contact other Plain
reach out and touch a barbarian tribe near you

Contact other Plane (aviation version)
MAYDAY MAYDAY

[Keld Denar]

The Circle of 8 of Greyhawk invented some neat spells, but not all of them are as well known.

Bigby's Glove
Wiz 0
Swift Action
Change the color of any existing Bigby's Hand spell

Bigby's Shushing Finger
(Archivist (librarian) only)

Bigby's Groping Hand

Bigby's Limp Wrist

Man, Bigby probably had a hand fetish

Tensor Time!
Tensor's Slipped Disk (ouch)

Tensor's Transposition
(swap locations with Tensor upon casting)

Rary's Mnemonic Lubrication
(for those with slippery minds)

Rary's Pneumatic Enhancer
air pressure baby!

Dramaj's Instant Death
(kill one Dramaj, anywhere)

Mordencanen's Conjuntion
(what's your function)

Mordencanen's Frisky Watchdog
(legs everywhere beware)

Leomond's Secret Chest
(they were fake the whole time, who knew?)

[PlatinumJester]

Mordencanen's Invisible Girlfriend - she is real. Why don't you believe me?

Bigby's Hand of Skirt Lifting - the true sde of Bigby.

Bigby's Hand Puppet - It's Punch and Judy time.

Moradin's Hammer Time - Can't touch this spell.

Bigby's Outsretched Hand - Talk to the (mage) hand.

Locate TV Remote - guess what this does.

[Roland St. Jude]

Moved to Homebrew, but if it gets any more 'content light', I'm moving it to Silly Message Board Games.

[Wraithy]

awaken
(with an ugly druid in your face)

[Diggorian]

Melf's Acid Reflux
10ft cone of acid that nauseates the target and fatigues the caster. material component: very spicy food.

Rary's Bionic Enhancer
Creates a hook hand or peg leg of force energy for the recently maimed. Duration: permanent, the spell negates Regeneration cast on the target

Mordenkainen's Dislocation
Pops casters joints out of alignment. They are helpless but gain a +10 circumstance bonus to Bluff to feign death.

Dramij's Instant Subpoena
Teleports target to Mechanus, before a tribunal of 1d4+2 epic Inevitables.

Locate Feature
As Identify.

[Cruiser1]

Here are some more.

Comprehend Teenager: Allows you to understand the latest slang terms and 1337-speak.

Detect Secret Boors: Determine the Charisma modifier of someone. Allows you to figure out who's worth flirting with in a bar.

Glue Strike: Reflex save or the target can't move next round because their feet are stuck to the floor.

Pee Invisibility: Allows you to get dressed or relieve yourself in private without getting jumped by monsters or laughed at by the rest of your party.

Arcane Blight: An epic spell only cast by deities, this makes an appearance when a Wizard PC exploits game mechanics too much.

[The Vorpal Tribble]

"Yo momma's so fat she's got negative AC!"

Wall of Yo Momma!
Conjuration
Level: Sor/Wiz 4
Components: V, S, M
Casting Time: 1 standard action
Range: Medium (100 ft. + 10 ft./level)
Effect: Ole woman whose area is up to one 5-ft. square/level; see text
Duration: Instantaneous
Saving Throw: See text
Spell Resistance: Nuh UH!

You summon a moo-moo wearin' old woman and plunk her down whever she can fit. Yo momma cannot form in an area occupied by physical objects or creatures cuz she BIG! Any creature adjacent to yo momma when she is summoned may attempt a Reflex save to disrupt her as she comes into being.

Yo momma can move 20 feet per round, and has a reach of 5 feet. She can slap you silly, able to make 2 slam attacks at a base attack equal to your caster level. These attacks deal 2d6 points of damage each.

Yo momma is 5 inches thick per two caster levels. Each 10-foot square of lard has 1 hit point per inch of thickness. Creatures can hit yo momma automatically. A section of momma whose hit points drop to 0 is breached. If a creature tries to break through with a single attack, the DC for the Strength check is 15 + caster level.

Material Component: A twinkie.

[Kurald Galain]

Trap The Sole. Anyone want fish for dinner?

It's not a spell, but some old book had the Arrow of Sleighing. No, not of slaying. This one turns into a sleigh a few yards after being fired, hitting for serious concussion damage.

[Neek]

This thread needs more content. Let's go ahead and throw a fully stated spell out.

Cone of Vomit
Evocation [Acid]
Level: Sor/Wiz 1
Component: S, M
Casting Time: 1 Standard Action
Range: 30'
Area: Cone shaped area
Saving throw: Reflex half
Spell Resistance: Yes

You prepare a potion of an utterly foul substance using spoiled meats, rotting vegetables, and strong, but cheap, liquor--no component of this spell can cost greater than 2 cp, and the spell itself cannot cost the caster greater than 1 sp. The potion will remain enchanted with the spell for 24 hours. Anyone can attempt to drink the contents, but must make a Fortitude save (15) or spend 1d4 rounds vomiting, and is considered to be prone. If the Fortitude save is successful, the person who consumed the potion belches forth a 30' long, 10' in diameter at its greatest cone of vomit, doing 1d4 acid damage to anyone struck by the cone. For every caster level, this spell adds 1d4 damage (for a max of 8d4 damage)

[TempusCCK]

Bigby's Invisible Boot

Sor/Wis 3

Spell Resistance: no

Save: Reflex negates.

A field of force in the form of a giant boot appears behind the subject, swinging forward into the targets rear flank and knocking them forward 5 feet, plus an additional five feet for every 5 points your caster level check exceeds their reflex save.

Arcane component: Shoe, boot or other foot cover.



This one I could actually see being useful.

Fighter: I charge.

Wizard: I charge behind him and take off my boot.

DM: The enemy before you stands cockily, watching your moves with a hint of amusement on his face.

Wizard: I cast Bigby's Invisble Boot.

DM: The enemy flies forward, utterly surprised at the waving of your boot and muttering.

Fighter: AOO!

[BRC]

Invoke Monolouge
Targets: Evil aligned characters who believe they have the caster at their mercy.
Effects: The target is filled with a compleing urge to gloat and reveal their entire plan to the caster, including any ways to thwart it (("And unless that lever is pulled, the [thing target wants] WILL BE MINE!"))

[Xefas]

Magic Imbissile (Imbecile)
Evocation (Force)
Level: Sor/Wiz 1
Components: V, S
Casting Time: 1 standard action
Range: Medium (100 ft. + 10 ft./level)
Target: Up to five creatures no more than 15ft apart
Saving Throw: None
Spell Resistance: Yes

You transform adjacent party members into a magical dart of pure force, and hurl them at a target, causing 1d4+1 points of damage to any creatures struck. Party members do not apply their spell resistance to being turned into a dart; only the target of the dart.

After striking a creature, the effected party member reverts back to their normal form in the closest open square to the victim and takes 1d4 points of nonlethal damage due to stress on their body.

At level 1, you can hurl one imbecile, plus an additional imbecile for every 2 caster levels above 1st, up to a maximum of 5 imbeciles.

[brian c]

Mordenkainen's Dislocation
Pops casters joints out of alignment. They are helpless but gain a +10 circumstance bonus to Bluff to feign death.

Heh... that could be useful though, it also adds +10 to Escape Artist checks

[psychoticbarber]

More with the Bigby...

Bigby's Hand of Wedgies

...fairly self-explanatory, I think.

[Diggorian]

Heh... that could be useful though, it also adds +10 to Escape Artist checks

I guess so. I wanted to make it completely worthless but funny, i.e. silly. Being helpless I guess an ally can pull ya out of bonds.

More!

Bigby's Stage Hand
As Unseen Servant, but the servant can produce mist, light effects, and blow your cloak to flowing in a way that spotlights your glory.

EyeBright
Your eyes glow with intense light, blinding you for the duration of the spell. Light sensitive foes suffer Tasha's Hideous Laughter from irony.

Magic circle against the Wall
A glowing 5ft diameter circle of light takes shape at the nearest corner to you. Any whom violate their alignment must stand in it facing the corner for 5 minutes, thinking about what they did.

Blade Bargainer
Spells grants the caster the ability to reduce the price of any slashing weapon by 10%

And the big reveal:

Feather Ball
Conjuration
Level: Clr 2, Sor/Wiz 2
Components: V, M
Casting Time: 1 standard action
Range: Close (25ft. + 5ft/ two caster levels)
Effect: One or more balls
Duration: Instantaneous
Saving Throw: None
Spell Resistance: Yes

The spell summons forth a compressed ball of downy feathers for you to launch at foes. You may launch one ball, plus one additional ball for every four levels beyond 3rd (to a maximum of three balls at 11th level). Each ball requires a ranged touch attack to hit and deals no damage.

Those hit by a ball are covered in a thick cloud of down. They treat all their targets in combat as having 50% concealment. A full round action of brushing off feathers reduces the concealment to 20%, concealment vanishes after a second full round action.

Material Component: A down pillow costing 1 sp.

[Xefas]

Prestilitigation
+5 Competence bonus on Perform (lawyer) checks. Also chills, warms, or flavors 1 pound of nonliving material for every successful Perform (lawyer) check made within the duration.

Summon Monster Nein
For the duration of the spell, any time the target casts a Conjuration (Summoning) effect, they must succeed on a will save or lose concentration, ruining the casting.

Touch of Fatigues
The equipment of one willing humanoid creature per 2 caster levels changes to a camoflauge color, the type of which is specified at the casting (desert, forest, or tundra), granting a +8 bonus on Hide checks made in the associated environment.

[Callix]

I had to contribute...

Wall of Irony
Level: Sor/Wiz 6 (Enchantment)
Range: Medium
Duration: 1 round/level
Target: All creatures within range (caster excluded)
Saving Throw: Will negates
SR: Yes
You wave your arms and chant deep, unintelligible syllables. Nothing much happens.
This spell looks like you are trying to summon up a wall to control the battlefield. You aren't. Spellcraft DCs to identify this spell are increased by 5. If a check fails by 5 or more, they consider it a spell of the Conjuration (Creation) school. The subject knows you didn't summon anything. They just find it irresistably funny to act as if the poor, pathetic wizard had. Designate an area for the Wall of Iron spell. All creatures affected by the spell act as if there really was a wall there.

[Aquillion]

Delayed Bass Fireball

4th level spell.

This spell functions as a fireball, but the maximum number of dice allowed goes up to 11. Additionally, the explosion makes no sound on the round it is cast; instead, the sound occurs one to five rounds following it (decided by caster at time of casting), dramatically amplified. All hearing creatures within twice the fireball's radius from its original center point must make a fortitude save or be stunned for one round and deafened for a minute; those making their save are merely deafened for a single round instead. Fragile nonmagical objects within the radius of this sound may shatter as if subject to the area-effect version of the Shatter spell.

[thehothead]

Procrastination
Sorcerer/wizard 1
Range: Self
This spell grants one first level spell to the caster
Focus: watch.

[Krimm_Blackleaf]

Fire(ball) At Will
Sor/Wiz 2
As Fireball, except the blast is centered on the nearest creature named Will in range. If no creature named Will is in range, the spell fails. The creature in question must recognize and accept the name as its own, so the party can't simply dub the bad-guy-of-the-day 'Will' and proceed to use 2nd level spell slots for a 3rd level spell. A wizard could, however, name his familiar Will, have it sneak into the middle of an enemy camp, and let fly. If the wizard fails to adequately ensure his familiar will survive both the fireball and the enemies it will be in the middle of, though, the familiar may refuse to go along with this scheme.

This is pure evil...



(Hey, guess what my name is?)

[Dareon]

Delayed Bass Fireball

A similar spell:

Delayed Bass Fireball
4th level, Evocation and Conjuration (Calling)

As Fireball, except, in addition to fire damage, 1 to 5 rounds afterward (Delay set by the caster), 5d10 large fish burst outward from the spell's origin, dealing bludgeoning damage in the same amount of dice as the original Fireball. These fish are still alive, and remain so for 1d6+1 rounds. Anyone entering a square with a live fish is immediately subjected to a trip attempt by the fish. Each bass has a +1 attack bonus and a +1 Strength modifier for this purpose.

[Keld Denar]

Melf's Acid Flashback
The 60s will never die

Crass Suggestion
Oh no he didn't!

Shocking Gasp
Usually follows Crass Suggestion

Otiluke's Reluctant Sphere
Well, if I have to

Discoball
Night Fever!

Detect Self
The existential version

Detect Weevel
Ward against crop pests

[Keld Denar]

Tensor's little known cousin Fourier had a transformation too

Fourier's Transformation
Enchantment (Confusion)
Differential Equations 4
Casting Time: Hours upon hours
Effect: Slay one engineering student

[Jibar]

Ya know, if you did a little work, some of these spells could actually be really useful.
I mean, Discoball, you could make it like Hideous Laughter, but in place of laughter they dance, taking nonlethal damage each round from sheer physical overload.
There could be a Discoball you could destroy to stop the spell.