Paladin Pickup Lines

[8BitNinja]

Every paladin should have a high charisma. And what better way to use that than cheesy pickup lines. The only rules here is that is has to be paladin related and are from the perspective of being told by or to a paladin.

WARNING: These are purely jokes, and probably not very good ones (don't worry, there are good ones here somewhere). Use at your own risk.

Actually, do tell us if a fair maiden does swoon to these words.

I'll start,

I must be evil aligned, because I'm smitten with you

You want me to cast shield other? Because I'd like to put a ring on your finger.

You seem to have some missing HP, want me to lay hands on you?

No matter how hard I try, I'll never be able to successfully break your enchantment

[OldTrees1]

Love is the purest form of benevolence, shall we go make the world a better place?

[RickAllison]

When I Lay on my Hands, you'll be done with your man!

[Vitruviansquid]

Hey baby, let's go back to my place...

... and get married after a lengthy courtship process and with the the blessings of both of our fathers and mothers, after which we will make love in the missionary position for the exclusive purpose of procreation without smiling or talking during the deed?

[Madbox]

Some people say sleeping around is evil. Good thing I can Smite Evil with my greatclub.

[Freemason Than]

Hey baby ... I can't get diseases.

[hymer]

Wanna try my special mount? I'll let you ride ever so hard.

Edit: Apparently, that paladin was trying to pick up a tiefling.

[Steampunkette]

You're a naughty one, aren't you? I might have to smite that ass!

Being lawful good doesn't mean I can't have a one night stand, it just means I've gotta be up front and honest about sprinkling my holy water.

Just for tonight, I'm gonna call you "Steed". Giddyup!

Is that a holy avenger in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? 'Cause either way I'd -really- like to find out...

Why, yes, this is a +2 Circlet of Charisma. And no. I won't be taking it off 'til morning.

My last lover was a Barbarian, think you've got the constitution to match him?

Nuns and Priests are the ones who take the vow of celibacy. I am under no such compunction, cutie.

*brandishes holy symbol* Of course I've got protection.

Trust me. By morning I'll have turned the skeletons in your closet and you'll be praising the Morninglord.

Not -every- religious person uses words to net a convert.

Are you a pious boy..? Or am I gonna have to discipline you?

You don't need to cast Charm Person, Mage. But you might need an Ox's Endurance.

[Inevitability]

"Want to know why Bear's Endurance and Charm Person aren't on my spell list? I don't need them."

[Seppo87]

You're a naughty one, aren't you? I might have to smite that ass!

Being lawful good doesn't mean I can't have a one night stand, it just means I've gotta be up front and honest about sprinkling my holy water.

Just for tonight, I'm gonna call you "Steed". Giddyup!

Is that a holy avenger in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? 'Cause either way I'd -really- like to find out...

Why, yes, this is a +2 Circlet of Charisma. And no. I won't be taking it off 'til morning.

My last lover was a Barbarian, think you've got the constitution to match him?

Nuns and Priests are the ones who take the vow of celibacy. I am under no such compunction, cutie.

*brandishes holy symbol* Of course I've got protection.

Trust me. By morning I'll have turned the skeletons in your closet and you'll be praising the Morninglord.

Not -every- religious person uses words to net a convert.

Are you a pious boy..? Or am I gonna have to discipline you?

You don't need to cast Charm Person, Mage. But you might need an Ox's Endurance.

I'd be torn between the urge of leaving asap to avoid further cringe and the fear of angering what looks like a very horny and powerful adventurer with a big sword.

[hymer]

I'd be torn between the urge of leaving asap to avoid further cringe and the fear of angering what looks like a very horny and powerful adventurer with a big sword.

I think the cringe factor is inherent in the pickup line. If it isn't cringe-worthy, you're doing it wrong. Speaking of big swords:

Pats big sword very near groin: "I smote a succubus with this just the other night. Wanna see my big sword?"

[Mutazoia]

Hey baby, wanna spit shine my holy symbol?

I just learned "Lay on Hands". Mind if I practice on you?

Are you sure you don't have a little bit of the Divine in you? Would you like to?

I'm Lawful Good in the streets, and awful good in the sheets.

*Sings Dulcinea*

Wanna be my "Epic Mount"?

[BWR]

I'm Lawful Good in the streets, and awful good in the sheets.

Best one yet.

[Frozen_Feet]

Does Paladin need pick-up lines? I mean, being a literal knight in shining armor, displaying most traditional signs of authority, wealth and nobility, should do most of the work already.

[2D8HP]

Oh my!
You guys crack me up.
Not as good but;

To a 5e Oath of Ancients Paladin:
"Spreading Joy is part of your Oath isn't it? Let's test that, sweet thing."

To a 5e Oath of Devotion Paladin:
"I need you to Never Fear to Act, right now, sugar"

To a 5e Oath of Vengeance Paladin:
"I've got some Greater Evil that needs no mercy now baby! "

From a 5e Paladin:
"You know I can Smite that good doncha'"

From a 1e Paladin:
"I just can't keep these magic items"

[BWR]

Does Paladin need pick-up lines? I mean, being a literal knight in shining armor, displaying most traditional signs of authority, wealth and nobility, should do most of the work already.

Which is why they can get away with the stuff here.

[IntelectPaladin]

AS much as I dislike the source and reason for pickup lines,
I still have to add to this, if only to show that I'm not dead to the forums.

"Hey there, beauty. Would you care to be redeemed?"
I'm actually really disgusted with myself for this. I'm only doing it because it's 4.am. It's not even decent.
Thank you for reading this, and I hope you have a better day! Also,
a reminder: I leave hidden messages in every post.

[Lvl 2 Expert]

But why let paladins have all the fun?


Ranger (for some reason these all came out pretty dirty):
Do you have a bush? Because that's my favored terrain.

Don't mind my animal companion, he's just jealous because I'm hung better than him. (note: do not use with a horse companion)

You've seen me fire my bow now, want to see me fire my arrow?

I showed you my wolf, now you can show me your *****. (The worst part about this one is that I actually had to tone the real anecdote down to fit D&D better, a friend of mine owns a snake.)


Wizard:

Want to see me enlarge an object?

I've been told that I'm absolutely magical in bed.

Wanna see my fireballs?

Baby, I can take you so high we'll need feather fall to get back down.


Bard:

Baby, I just made my bardic knowledge check, and I know this is going to be good.

Wanna know my Perform(flute) skill level?

Tonight you can play with my instrument.

In all the bars in all the world, I've never seen a girl as beautiful as you. Still no? Bitch!

[CharonsHelper]

"I know all about how to make you an honest woman."

[Kaveman26]

You must have some aasimer in you because that body is out of this world.

The Solar's must be looking for you because they are missing an angel.

[Segev]

Spoken by a male paladin:

"M'lady, may I buy you a drink?" It's really the sparkling teeth and fine physique that sell it.

"The King has promised me the title to this land if I solve his 'dragon problem.' I doubt he'd have any problem with my beautiful wife sharing in that demesne. Would you marry me?" to a dragon, which hopefully can shapeshift.

"Madam! I am not that kind of boy!" ...why this one only makes the ladies come on stronger tends to baffle the poor lads.


Spoken by a female paladin:

*to a bard* "Before you ask: yes, I would like to make beautiful music with you."

"You know, I could use a squire to buff my breastplate."

[LordFluffy]

Wanna see me charge up my Sacred Weapon?

*holds out palms to Lay on Hands* Show me where it hurts....

[Waker]

I shall show you the way to Celestia by screwing the Hell out of you.

[Liquor Box]

Hey baby, let's go back to my place...

... and get married after a lengthy courtship process and with the the blessings of both of our fathers and mothers, after which we will make love in the missionary position for the exclusive purpose of procreation without smiling or talking during the deed?

[Mutazoia]

I'm going to treat you like a war horse: Rode hard, and put away wet.

[hymer]

I'm going to treat you like a war horse: Rode hard, and put away wet.

That's no way to treat any horse!

[8BitNinja]

You guys are hilarious. I both love and deeply regret this.

So here is another one from me

"Many guys probably don't talk to you because of fear of being turned down, thankfully I have only other to that."

"There's no secrets to love. You know the rules, and so do I. A full commitment is what I'm thinking of. You wouldn't get this from any other guy. I just want to tell you how I'm feeling. Gotta make you understand. Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down, never gonna run around and desert you. Never gonna make you cry, never gonna say goodbye. Never gonna tell you a lie and desert you."

[2D8HP]

Is Rickrolling really Lawful Good behavior?
If anything may be oathbreaking....

[Traziremus]

Why yes, that is the holy symbol of Sharess. Why do you ask?
*Casts Bull's Strength*

[hymer]

Is Rickrolling really Lawful Good behavior?
If anything may be oathbreaking....

It seems to me that Rickrolling is well within the bounds of Oath of the Ancients, at least! Here, try it.

Edit: As long as we're using lyrics as pickup-lines, I suppose this should be mentioned: "I am a man who will fight for your honour. I'll be the hero you've been dreaming of." Link