Weirdest things you've ever had to roll for?

[Amaril]

What are some of the weirdest, craziest rolls you've ever had to make in a game?

My top two currently have to be "roll to conceal erection" and "roll to pretend your phone isn't full of anime theme music". Same game, separate occasions.

[Lalliman]

The party had to travel through a magical barrier guarded by fey. We asked them what the price of getting through was. Turns out, in this setting, fey can only procreate with mortals, not with each other. So we had to have sex with them. First we rolled for how good the sex was, then for whether we conceived any children. Note that one of the characters was a druid who spent all his time in velociraptor mode. So we had dinosaur-on-fey sexytimes which then, due to a good roll, resulted in successful insemination.

Odd thing is, this wasn't even one of those creepy DMs who fetishize the game. I guess he was going for surrealism, and he succeeded.

[Kane0]

"Roll to see where you crater and how many undead are destroyed"

"Roll to see what color you turn the prostitute"

"Roll to discern bear-ness"

"I use Detect Magic"
"Roll a Fort save"

"Roll to see who gets a Slaad tadpole"

"Roll to see if your Kamehameha overpowers his"

"Roll to avoid the Mardi Gras incident"

"Roll for mustard"

"Roll to dream"

"Roll to hide the soul gem from the paladin"

All in the same. damned. game.

Edit: Oh wait, I couldn't forget "Roll to see what table to roll on"

[Pex]

Not weird, just idiotic. Playing Pathfinder, the DM is very much the stickler on opening/breaking doors. If the party doesn't do it his way we will never be able to get through the door or it will take forever. We cannot just "kick in the door". We come across a large pair of iron doors. They are not locked but very heavy and hard to move. To open them would take time and make noise. We don't care. The DM asks us to make Strength checks. I ask if we can Take 20. The DM says no. We roll. We don't make the DC even with using Aid Another to help the strongest character. We try again. Nope. We try again. Nope. And again. No. Why? Because the DC is These Doors Will Not Open Unless Someone Rolls A Natural 20 With Everyone Else Successfully Aiding. Since no one rolled a 20 the doors won't open. Finally tired of the situation, the DM handwaves that after two minutes someone rolls a 20, and the doors open. If only there was a rule to handle such a situation so as to not to waste time making pointless rolls.

[Professor Chimp]

"Roll an Escape Artist check to worm yourself through the intestines and out of the worms ass"

"Roll to discern bear-ness"

To be fair, any game that has discern bear-ness rolls sounds like a good time to me.

[Zaydos]

"Roll to determine in what bodily cavity the male necromancer's child with the Lovecraftian abomination was gestating" - It was his lung. They were warned not to proposition the Lovecraftian abomination.

[DigoDragon]

I had a fellow player try to roll for faking a cough. And fail.

[Floret]

"Roll to see if you catch the onion that is being thrown at you, while sleeping/Sleepwalking"

I did not roll that myself, but had one of my players roll that. Somehow the magician thought waking up the Warrior from his sleepwalking by throwing stuff at him was a good idea, and the warrior wanted to catch them...

[DigoDragon]

Edit: Oh wait, I couldn't forget "Roll to see what table to roll on"

There are several tabletop RPGs where that is a real thing for loot tables.


More weird things I remember rolling for--

• Guiding myself through the vacuum of space with a fire extinguisher (and I was playing an android too, if you were wondering about that being a reference).
• Rolling initiative for combat while free-falling at about 11,000 feet (The only time someone's skydiving hobby skill ended up making them OP in combat).
• And then there was the one time I rolled a crit-success to program the clock on a VCR (hey, those things were complicated back in my day).

[Khaiel]

FATAL. Enough said.

[Grod_The_Giant]

At the start of an Exalted game, the GM (jokingly) asked us to roll 1d6 for our position on the Kinsey scale. (ie, how gay are you? Very gay, as it turns out)

[MrZJunior]

"Pull to befriend the ogre."

This was in a LARP where we were using playing cards.

FATAL. Enough said.

You've actually played FATAL? That's some serious nerd cred.

[Khaiel]

You've actually played FATAL? That's some serious nerd cred.

I have played it and GM'd it. The first time, I didn't know what I was getting myself into. The second time, my players wanted to play it to see if it really was that bad. Those 50 euros were not worth it at all.

[Aotrs Commander]

I have played it and GM'd it. The first time, I didn't know what I was getting myself into. The second time, my players wanted to play it to see if it really was that bad. Those 50 euros were not worth it at all.

You can play FATAL...?

[Vinyadan]

FATAL. Enough said.

"Roll for anal circumference..."

[Cazero]

I had a player feel like my lovingly hand-crafted game system gave him enough skill diversity to waste one in decorative cake frosting (probably a reference to this). He ended up using it to blow the cover of an assassin.

[Segev]

I had a player feel like my lovingly hand-crafted game system gave him enough skill diversity to waste one in decorative cake frosting (probably a reference to this). He ended up using it to blow the cover of an assassin.

Oh, no, no, no no. You don't get to leave us hanging without the details on that gem. Please do elaborate, good sir!

[Cazero]

Well, the story isn't that interesting. Unless that's a "my life is boring" bias.
Shadowrun-style of game (even though I never played any actual Shadowrun). The party was guarding VIPs in a high class hotel. Room service shows up.
My system works on training penalty (don't have the specialised training? eat a major skill penalty) and has a synergy rule (you got a proxy training? congrats, your penalty is reduced), so since the player modified skill was above 0 (the minimum possible) he used it to inspect the patisserie on display on the chariot and rolled pretty well.
Turns out the assassin took the place of a real groom in a hurry and that would have shaken the chariot at some point, wich would have ruined some of the delicate cakes and the clean-up required would still have a visible impact. So I answered "It doesn't look luxurious enough for the hotel you're in." It made them suspicious enough to further their questioning and notice the "groom" was hiding a gun in a chest pocket.

[Pugwampy]

If i wrote it on a public board , the moderator would probably give me a wrist slap .

[dascarletm]

You want to roll to see if you transform into a werewolf when you climax?
Roll to... not... just... alright fine, just roll okay?

Roll to passive aggressive.

Roll to roll.

Roll to see what campaign I run today.

[digiman619]

I had a fellow player try to roll for faking a cough. And fail.

One of those situations where in trying to fake a cough caused himself to choke and almost cough up one of his lungs, huh?

[Segev]

Well, the story isn't that interesting. Unless that's a "my life is boring" bias.
Shadowrun-style of game (even though I never played any actual Shadowrun). The party was guarding VIPs in a high class hotel. Room service shows up.
My system works on training penalty (don't have the specialised training? eat a major skill penalty) and has a synergy rule (you got a proxy training? congrats, your penalty is reduced), so since the player modified skill was above 0 (the minimum possible) he used it to inspect the patisserie on display on the chariot and rolled pretty well.
Turns out the assassin took the place of a real groom in a hurry and that would have shaken the chariot at some point, wich would have ruined some of the delicate cakes and the clean-up required would still have a visible impact. So I answered "It doesn't look luxurious enough for the hotel you're in." It made them suspicious enough to further their questioning and notice the "groom" was hiding a gun in a chest pocket.

Hah, nice! Thanks for sharing that.

[AnBe]

"Roll to see if the Ogre you summoned has a Mohawk or not"

[sktarq]

Roll for bat rumour mill accuracy

Roll for what color shirt you wore this evening

Roll vs dinosaur (during a LARP-set in modern California-i think the reactions of a group of people wandering by is what makes this one so good in my memory-wondering how we were fighting a dinosaur when we had been sent to get a ruby)

Roll to see where your torso lands

FATAL-I don't discuss that night

[Cluedrew]

Well I was the GM in this situation but:

"What's the roll for awkward flirting?"
"...I have no idea."

[Dimers]

Roll to accidentally create a coffee-and-poetry chainstore empire based in medieval Switzerland.

[Inspector Valin]

Roll to Overcome Gravity.

[kraftcheese]

"Roll to see if the Ogre you summoned has a Mohawk or not"

[Keltest]

Roll to see if you can telepathically control the swarm of flies attracted by your stink cloud.

Turns out, I could!

[DigoDragon]

One of those situations where in trying to fake a cough caused himself to choke and almost cough up one of his lungs, huh?

It somehow ended up with the head chef choking on something he was badly allergic too, resulting in anaphylactic shock and an argument over whether the Epipen would break kosher rules or if we should just wait and see if he'd recover on his own. Turns out Epipens are not filled with pork and cheese (we had a lot of failed rolls that scene).