Relationship Woes And Advice, Part Two (Read First Post)

[Rykaj]

A great non-friendy rather date-y way of inviting someone I like would be to invite them over for dinner. Then cook your speciality. Buy some wine and have some after dinner snacks in case she stays. If conversations seem to drop provide other entertainment, maybe even some movies. It's easy to set a mood in such an environment and it offers no obligations. And I found that girls love it if you cook for them.

[Alarra]

And I found that girls love it if you cook for them.

This is very true. At least, I love it when people cook for me, maybe because I never cook myself. I should though, really....*makes note to cook something (that isn't pasta) sometime this summer* In reality though, cooking a really nice dinner for someone shows a level of effort that can be found rather impressive. Especially if you actually can cook. Although, cooking something horribly can also be a fun date experience and something you can laugh at later.

[Zeb The Troll]

*hmmm. Adds "ruin macaroni and cheese" to list of things to do to impress Alarra*

[Serpentine]

I suppose it partly comes down to the fact that I think I could be just as happy with casual flirtation as with a long-term relationship, at least at this point, so I don't really need that certainty because I could be happy with it either way. Of course, in the time I've been out of high school (3.5 years), I've only been single for about 6 months, so I haven't had much opportunity to test this theory...

I think I should probably give a bit of my background so people know the bias that's probably in a lot of my advice, and also quite possibly responsible for some of the above sentiment, somehow. Note: any expressions of sympathy or whatever will be met with confusion
First of all, my mother ran off with a colleague when I was 6 (she very kindly waited until after my birthday. Of course, then she couldn't wait a few minutes for me to get home after school and just sent her secretary on a failed mission to find me... not that I'm bitter, mind ). Although it's never been confirmed, it's been generally assumed that they were having an affair before this, but what really irks me is that she claimed that she and my father "just stopped loving each other" - as I'm told he said to my sister, that's bull****. He "still loved her". (on a side note, apparently shortly before their elopement, mum's now husband took his family to the town the two would run to, the school to which I eventually went, the house they lived in, as though he was going to move there with his own wife and kids. After they left, his then wife called my dad, confused about what had happened. At least my mum had the decency to tell us that she was leaving... but neither of them have any real moral authority over me anymore when it comes to relationships. Not that any of this is likely to have had any direct effect on my views of relationships, just a side-note). I think from this I partly get my perception of relationships as being largely transitory things, and also an idea of how much goes on in a relationship that noone knows about, possibly even including those involved.
So. This was about 14 years ago. In that 14 years, my dad has had more than 7 girlfriends (definitely 7, and I'm sure there's some I've forgotten or didn't know about). Some were nice, some were cool, others were freaky or mad or vain or stupid, but I know he loved, or at least liked very much, all of them. After the last girlfriend (one of the nutty ones), he told me he was tired of it all, and that he had decided that the next one was it, however it went (a bit scary, considering how little I like the new lady, but at least she has cool eyes). Anyway, this is how I expect my life to be, at least for a while. I expect I'll go through several relationships, some long or short, no doubt at least a couple of nasty ones, probably some perfect one that I'll completely screw up, before I get to the person and the place in life when I feel ready to "settle down", as they say. In fact, I look forward to it - even the nasty ones. So there's the rest of the transience of love and relationships, and also, I think, a bit of understanding and/or sympathy for the male side of dating. In fact, one of the pieces of advice I remember best and hold dear to my heart is his command that I never, ever say no when a guy asks me to dance, because it took so much courage just to ask. Unfortunately I've never had an opportunity to exercise this decree, and it'd be nice if it applied to girls asking guys, too, but at least it reminds me that guys are cowards at heart shy and uncertain too.

So, yeah. Probably some sources of bias, there. Thought it might be handy to know in case it turns out my advice is rather specific and, well, wrong.

[Alarra]

Now...mac and cheese isn't really 'cooking' and if you manage to ruin that, well...that's a whole different level of impressing.

Edit: @^ See, I on the other hand, don't like to look at relationships as transient things. I like to try to imagine each one as being the one I stay with forever and I think that's why I will push so hard to keep a relationship together once I'm in it, in spite of whatever problems, imperfections, and even lack of love I've found in some of my past ones. However, I can certainly see where you're coming from and consider that a valid way to view them, since really...most relationships aren't realistically for forever anyway.

[Holy_Knight]

I suppose it partly comes down to the fact that I think I could be just as happy with casual flirtation as with a long-term relationship, at least at this point, so I don't really need that certainty because I could be happy with it either way. Of course, in the time I've been out of high school (3.5 years), I've only been single for about 6 months, so I haven't had much opportunity to test this theory...

I think I should probably give a bit of my background so people know the bias that's probably in a lot of my advice, and also quite possibly responsible for some of the above sentiment, somehow. Note: any expressions of sympathy or whatever will be met with confusion
First of all, my mother ran off with a colleague when I was 6 (she very kindly waited until after my birthday. Of course, then she couldn't wait a few minutes for me to get home after school and just sent her secretary on a failed mission to find me... not that I'm bitter, mind ). Although it's never been confirmed, it's been generally assumed that they were having an affair before this, but what really irks me is that she claimed that she and my father "just stopped loving each other" - as I'm told he said to my sister, that's bull****. He "still loved her". (on a side note, apparently shortly before their elopement, mum's now husband took his family to the town the two would run to, the school to which I eventually went, the house they lived in, as though he was going to move there with his own wife and kids. After they left, his then wife called my dad, confused about what had happened. At least my mum had the decency to tell us that she was leaving... but neither of them have any real moral authority over me anymore when it comes to relationships. Not that any of this is likely to have had any direct effect on my views of relationships, just a side-note). I think from this I partly get my perception of relationships as being largely transitory things, and also an idea of how much goes on in a relationship that noone knows about, possibly even including those involved.
So. This was about 14 years ago. In that 14 years, my dad has had more than 7 girlfriends (definitely 7, and I'm sure there's some I've forgotten or didn't know about). Some were nice, some were cool, others were freaky or mad or vain or stupid, but I know he loved, or at least liked very much, all of them. After the last girlfriend (one of the nutty ones), he told me he was tired of it all, and that he had decided that the next one was it, however it went (a bit scary, considering how little I like the new lady, but at least she has cool eyes). Anyway, this is how I expect my life to be, at least for a while. I expect I'll go through several relationships, some long or short, no doubt at least a couple of nasty ones, probably some perfect one that I'll completely screw up, before I get to the person and the place in life when I feel ready to "settle down", as they say. In fact, I look forward to it - even the nasty ones. So there's the rest of the transience of love and relationships, and also, I think, a bit of understanding and/or sympathy for the male side of dating. In fact, one of the pieces of advice I remember best and hold dear to my heart is his command that I never, ever say no when a guy asks me to dance, because it took so much courage just to ask. Unfortunately I've never had an opportunity to exercise this decree, and it'd be nice if it applied to girls asking guys, too, but at least it reminds me that guys are cowards at heart shy and uncertain too.

So, yeah. Probably some sources of bias, there. Thought it might be handy to know in case it turns out my advice is rather specific and, well, wrong.

At the risk of offering unsolicited advice--and maybe sounding trite or something--Serpentine, I guess I'd like to say to you that things don't have to be that way. You had to live through a bad situation (to say nothing of your poor father), and that's obviously going to affect how you perceive the world and relationships. But I hope you won't take that as a sign that when you finally "settle down", it means you'll really be settling. You owe it to yourself to be hopeful for, and work for, a truly good relationship that will last because you and the other person really love and care for each other. Perhaps I sound overly sentimental here, but I'm being sincere. I hope you'll take what I say to heart.

On another note, your mention about asking people to dance reminded me of a recent story from my own life on that topic, so I'm going to make a thread about it later today.

A great non-friendy rather date-y way of inviting someone I like would be to invite them over for dinner. Then cook your speciality. Buy some wine and have some after dinner snacks in case she stays. If conversations seem to drop provide other entertainment, maybe even some movies. It's easy to set a mood in such an environment and it offers no obligations. And I found that girls love it if you cook for them.

This is true, although sometimes people can interpret cooking dinner for them as a sign of certain intentions on your part. One of the first dates I had with my ex-girlfriend, when we had first met and before we officially started dating, was me inviting her to my house so I could cook for her. Now, my intentions were innocent, but she did tell me later on that she had thought I was doing it to try to get her into bed. So, that's just something to be aware of, that certain people might perceive it that way.

[Serpentine]

At the risk of offering unsolicited advice--and maybe sounding trite or something--Serpentine, I guess I'd like to say to you that things don't have to be that way. You had to live through a bad situation (to say nothing of your poor father), and that's obviously going to affect how you perceive the world and relationships. But I hope you won't take that as a sign that when you finally "settle down", it means you'll really be settling. You owe it to yourself to be hopeful for, and work for, a truly good relationship that will last because you and the other person really love and care for each other. Perhaps I sound overly sentimental here, but I'm being sincere. I hope you'll take what I say to heart.

...I'm a way? I didn't know there was anything to fix I didn't mean to suggest that I don't aim to have good relationships or anything like that. In fact, I'm quite proud of the one I have right now - lots of communication, silliness, love, and geekiness. At risk of worrying him (though he never comes out of Gaming anyway), I must admit I'm starting to feel a bit... itchy for singledom lately, I still love him and everything. It's sort of... I could see myself living out my days with him, but before that, I want to see what other relationships are like, good and bad, experience different ways of getting together, what it's like being together with other people, etc etc. Is that bad?

By the way, I don't remember most of that stuff happening. Hell, I don't think I was all that aware of it at the time. I even made up memories that didn't happen around it (my sister went off at me for telling someone that our parents used to fight a lot. she told me later that it was because she was jealous that I'd made up these memories to make sense of it all or something). And anyway, it meant I got to travel interstate every holiday

[Alarra]

but before that, I want to see what other relationships are like, good and bad, experience different ways of getting together, what it's like being together with other people, etc etc. Is that bad?

No. Not at all. It's actually a really good idea to take time, date quite a few people, learn, grow, find out what you really want. A lot of times when you marry the first person you date, you eventually realize that you haven't experienced anything else and begin to wonder 'what if' and think that things aren't as good as they could be because you have nothing to compare them to. Having experiences isn't a bad thing at all. I think the point that both I and HK were trying to say, is that the way your post sounded, it sounded like you were going into relationships knowing before they start that they won't last, which is a good way to doom yourself from the start, or that you don't expect to find someone that makes you happy, and will end up settling. Neither point of which I think you actually meant. So I'm sorry if I read things wrong and into your post that weren't there.

[Glaivemaster]

Hurrah, advice! To be honest, I was already considering the "Will you go out with me?" way of things, probably the next time we have a day out together. I'm determined to make that one a proper dinner as well, but we'll see how it goes. I mainly just wanted back up for it.

I've tried with previous 'relationships' to have that sort of uncertainty thing that Serpentine does, but generally it ends up that they just go and find someone else, since they're not officially seeing me. That's why I need the certainty. That, and I think that if the certainty wasn't there, we'd end up just as friends, so I need to get my position out there as soon as possible, not that I'm averse to the idea of just being friends.

Luckily we'll be seeing each other weekly now, so I'll have plenty of opportunity to talk to her about it in person.

[Jibar]

So, yeah. Probably some sources of bias, there. Thought it might be handy to know in case it turns out my advice is rather specific and, well, wrong.

The funny thing is, I've heard all that story before. And I don't know how.
Hmmm...

Don't worry about bias from that anyway. During my talks with best friend's girlfriend (I hate referring to people like that), I've learnt a lot about the other view of love. Said girlfriend has a father who is getting married for the fourth time soon. The last wife actually made quite a lot of mess with their divorce, as the father now can't see two of his sons, who are in care I believe. But, she's given me quite an insight into how she thinks. It's rather similar to yours really.
Me, I'm a hopeless romantic. I still believe in true love, in romance and soul mates, not having let life strike it from me. I'm bitter, cynical. kinda nihilistic and rather pessimistic, but if there is one thing I believe in it is love.

By the by Serp, if you do decide to strike out single, you just know that half the boards, primarily Mr Pixie, will be all over you right away.

[Serpentine]

The funny thing is, I've heard all that story before. And I don't know how.
Hmmm...

Really? I'm sure I've only talked about it with one or maybe two people lately... I suppose it could've come up sometime in the last couple of years?

Don't worry about bias from that anyway. During my talks with best friend's girlfriend (I hate referring to people like that), I've learnt a lot about the other view of love. Said girlfriend has a father who is getting married for the fourth time soon. The last wife actually made quite a lot of mess with their divorce, as the father now can't see two of his sons, who are in care I believe. But, she's given me quite an insight into how she thinks. It's rather similar to yours really.

That sucks. I'm glad my parents had the sense to act rationally and reasonably in that break-up, especially considering how nasty it could easily have been. At the time it was convenient for us to stay with dad, so we did (even if it did mean a significant and sudden reduction in funds), and when it made more sense for me to go to mum's for high school, I did. Either way, I visited the other during the holidays. I think I've spent much more time on trains, buses (yuk) and planes than most people my age. Too bad I wasn't going anywhere very interesting...

By the by Serp, if you do decide to strike out single, you just know that half the boards, primarily Mr Pixie, will be all over you right away.

Perhaps, but unfortunately they're all half-way around the world ('cept Dis, but I won't go into what we have in common...) Which means, of course, romantic potential is rather restricted... to online, in fact. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing, of course - much easier to have several things going on at once

Ahem. After these disturbing glimpses into my psyche, I think it's time we heard a real problem.

[Thrawn183]

Serpentine is broken, but we can fix her:
Slinkier,
Scalier,
Purplier...

We have the time. We have the compassion.

(I don't really remember the quote well enough to any further.)

[Serpentine]

The sentiment was there, and appreciated

[Starla]

On asking someone out:

Have a plan in mind. Don't just ask them if they want to do something, be specific. Will you go to the "Weird Al Yankovich" concert with me next Friday?" is much better than "Will you go out with me?"

When you ask a girl out give her a planned activity and time. Even if she may not have pick that particular activity on her own she may go because she wants to spend time with you. If she says no you can ask her to clarify if it is the activity or the idea of spending time with you that she opposes.

Try to plan it a week in advance. I was never this aggressive, but I have learned that some girls think it will mar their character if they are available on short notice. So if you ask the night before they may say no even if they are available on the principle of the "attractive girls already have a date by Thursday." However, it is a good sign if she tries to schedule with you for the next week.

(By the way, I did attend the "Weird Al" concert with a guy whom I liked and I would never have gone, or heard about it, if he hadn't asked me)

[FdL]

How about a manly shoulder pat instead?
*manly shoulder pat*

Yeah, those are welcome too ^^

I'd still say the fact that she took it well bodes well for you in the "you'll still be good friends" aspect.

I'm curious, though. How do you mean "she took it well"? Depending on circumstances it could mean either "not you right now, but don't give up hope in case this doesn't work out" or it could mean "I like you, but not like that, but I don't want to lose what we've already got".

I don't really know, she wouldn't elaborate much beyond e-giggling (but she always does, man does IM suck most of the time). She said "but you knew I was seeing someone", to which I replied that I thought she wasn't really into him for what she'd told me, to what she replied that everything was fine.
Then she proceeded to show me a photo of them together , and the she made me guess his age, and I tried to be cool about it keeping good humour all along. Then we didn't chat much after that because it was late and she left for bed (she's also on dialup).

So I don't know how to take it. Either way it's a no. A "no, not now" that might apply to any future occasion. Though she would have told me, I guess, if she thinks she likes me as a friend but not as a man.

So I take it as a "no" for now. If I know that she leaves this guy, I might make another try (in fact I warned her of this).

In all, Zeb, I never know what a woman is thinking, and I'm betting I wouldn't know even if I had the powers of Charles Xavier ("aarghhh!! telephatic backlashhh!!! such confusionn....such jumbled thoughts...the pain...!" :p)

Of course neither is bad but it could help you plan for the future. I'd say given that she shared with you that she's looking for someone (even though already in an apparently not so serious relationship) means that at the very least she views you in a positive light.

Sure, she's cool to me, she's the one who starts our conversation, and she always asks about my stuff (which few people does).

At this point, though, I'd actually have to agree with something David D said (who I generally abhor, by the way). Date other people. At least show interest in other people. Only I say this not with the intention of making her jealous. I'm saying it meaning that it can show her that you're not pining for her and are capable of being happy without her even if you would like it if you could be with her.

I hope that made sense. If not, I'll try to elaborate.

Yeah, of course I'll date other people. I mean, I've only seen her once in person and then we started chatting through MSN (her friend gave me her address). And of course i can be happy without her, it's just that I thought it would be cool to ask her out, because I like her and we have interesting conversations.

That's great to hear, DR. I think I speak for all of us when I say we're glad we could help.

Yeah ^^ It's really nice to have this, you're all great guys and made me feel better, and it's always good to have someone to tell these things too. The advice is always great, and varied, which is good too.

Thanks for all the support. If there's any new development I'll keep you updated. In the meantime, I'll just keep my eyes open for other possible candidate. ;)

[Syka]

I'm kind of seriously feeling down. Talking to the guy I had been dating, I found out his dog died today. When he said, "I guess now is as good a time as any to tell you." I thought it would be followed by something pertaining to us. Not, "Sasha passed this morning." I loved that dog. She was my surrogate pet because I can't have one where I live, nor can I afford it, and she was the breed I always wanted growing up. It isn't exactly unexpected, as she was 13 and had several health problems (blind, not able to walk as far as she used to be able to, running into more things lately, and we think hearing loss), but it's still terrible. I wish I could have been home...I can only imagine how he's feeling.

Also, it turns out that the dinner that was supposed to be on Saturday is in the town I go to school. But he decided not to go (he'd be relegated to the futon at his brothers place which he loathes), and so he told me today and as much as I love his family, I'd rather get home. So, whenever I get home on Saturday we're going to be hanging out. And I'm going to talk to him about what's going on. Wish me luck.

Cheers,
Syka...whose braindead from studying...

[Vampiric]

*checks hands in case of hidden knives*
*no knives*
Ouch, Syka
*hugs*

Good luck, you'll be fine.

And hope things get better for you, FdL, that sucks big time.

[Hell Puppi]

I think I would bring intense amounts of pain to any psychic that was around me. I usually have no less than 2 sides of my brain arguing at once.

Serpentine: I can relate...and there's nothing wrong with casually dating or being emotionally unattached. That being said there's nothing wrong with becoming attached if you chose to feel that way. Trying to force it either way is when things really get screwed up.

[Logic]

While the 'just falling into things' can work well, a lot of times it's nice to have it spelled out, especially if you worry about one of you taking things in a 'date' manner and the other in a 'friend' manner. Better to be clear from the start.

Relationships are about communication & trust, so the above bolded text is probably the most important thing to be said.

Bravo Alarra. You said what I wanted to in a single sentence what it would have taken me 3 pages to write.

Edit: @^ See, I on the other hand, don't like to look at relationships as transient things. I like to try to imagine each one as being the one I stay with forever and I think that's why I will push so hard to keep a relationship together once I'm in it, in spite of whatever problems, imperfections, and even lack of love I've found in some of my past ones. However, I can certainly see where you're coming from and consider that a valid way to view them, since really...most relationships aren't realistically for forever anyway.

I am guilty of this as well. If it were not for my exes ability to see the relationship was in a bad place, I imagine I would still be with my first HS sweetheart, and a bitter & unhappy man by now.

[Syka]

I will also admit to that flaw. Perhaps if I'd actually stuck to my guns and broke up with my ex a few months before it actually happened, like I should have, we'd still be friends. The world may never know. But at least now I've somewhat cured myself of that.

But then...it's also why I'm willing to give this other guy one more chance...>>

Cheers,
Syka

[Dragonrider]

I haven't had a lot of experience with relationships, but I too can't see them as transient...it's too hard for me to put that much effort into somebody without sticking to them (not in any way meant as a criticism of those who don't see it that way).
Probably why it's taking me so long to get over this one thing.... As for the physical aspect, well, I'm probably the only 16-year-old in the country who hasn't had any experience in that area yet. Which doesn't really bother me. My family is pretty religious (a minority religion most people probably haven't even heard of) and it's not encouraged. At this stage in my life, not always easy, but on the other hand it helps you keep a level head...if you know what I mean.

[FdL]

At risk of worrying him (though he never comes out of Gaming anyway), I must admit I'm starting to feel a bit... itchy for singledom lately, I still love him and everything. It's sort of... I could see myself living out my days with him, but before that, I want to see what other relationships are like, good and bad, experience different ways of getting together, what it's like being together with other people, etc etc. Is that bad?

I think it's not bad per se if that's the way you feel. If that's what you want, I guess it means that somehow you don't want to be with him. I mean, the way I see a relationship (and live them), if you're happy with someone you don't want something else. It's not a forced thing, and it's not a matter of actively focusing energy to not think of the "else", it's just the natural way of how things are when they're fine.
So personally I'd take it as a symptom of you not wanting to be 100% with your bf. I got that kind of comments from my ex a couple of times (yes, she was honest and straight when telling these things, maybe too much for doing it to someone you care :S) and in the end it came apart.

And it's not bad, of course, because you should do what you really want and what makes you happy. In life things often are not bad or good but mainly "are". So think about how things are for you and make the best of it ^^


On the subject of relationships lasting or not, I can't help to live each relationship with everything I have, and believing it will be "the one" and it will be forever. I can't do it any other way. I know some people don't, but sometimes that can be precisely what makes them fail, the fact that they are not truly "believing" it and having a positive attitude about it (again my ex-gf). I guess that when you're just half there you're already gone. But well, as always that's just my opinion

@Vampiric: Thanks ^^ I didn't take it too bad, though I would have liked it to work. It was just bad timing, and lack of communication maybe.

@Syka: Sorry to hear that. *hug*

[Syka]

DR, don't get down. I didn't get my first kiss until I was 17. :) Do you mind PMing me about your religion? I'm avidly curious about different ones, etc. It comes from a love of cultures.

And yes, clarity is great. It's why I'm talking to this guy, and it's what drove me near mad for about 2-3 months. But, I did go into this realizing nothing would probably come of it, so I guess that has helped some. But I still don't want to give up on him, I feel there is still something I can learn.

Moral: There is no one right view. Find what works for you.

Cheers,
Syka

[Xykon_Fan]

DR, I think I can one-up you. I'm 17 1/2 and my "first kiss" was from Hellpuppi in Kiss/Kill as a joke. (Also religious, don't want to get too involved physically too fast, and have only had one girlfriend because of a twisted idea of dating.)

I have wondered something...and I'll ask all the girls here...I'm going to be going to college soon, and the campus is 2/3 girls, 1/3 guys, and me ( ). So, my question is, given the fact that, with literally "Two girls for every boy," I'll probably end up with someone but I'm a little unsure: Would knowing that a guy had never even held hands with a girl, much less kissed one, make you more/less/same about dating him?

[Syka]

XF, experience has nothing to do with it, for me anyway. My first boyfriend had had one girlfriend before me, and that was barely a two week long relationship. The guy I was/still kinda am dating, has been dating since 6th grade and done certain...activities since middle school. I've never asked how many people he's been with, nor will I. Experience just isn't a factor with me. It's chemistry, how I work with the person, etc. I wouldn't worry.

Good luck in college!

Cheers,
Syka

[FdL]

I have wondered something...and I'll ask all the girls here...I'm going to be going to college soon, and the campus is 2/3 girls, 1/3 guys, and me ( ). So, my question is, given the fact that, with literally "Two girls for every boy," I'll probably end up with someone but I'm a little unsure: Would knowing that a guy had never even held hands with a girl, much less kissed one, make you more/less/same about dating him?

Well, I can give you a masculine view of the issue, because it happened to me. I think it doesn't matter that much. When there's mutual attraction, you'll just learn to express that attraction in a way you are both comfortable with. And of course, the girl will understand if you tell her. I think it could add some degree of insecurity if she knows it beforehand, but that shouldn't be an obstacle for someone who really likes you. Others might disagree, but I think that it's better not to say it until it becomes relevant, and even at that point it's probably better to let your actions talk for you. No one was born having sexual experience, and yet everyone learns to express himself in intimate ways.

So don't worry about that ;)

[Logic]

I've never asked how many people he's been with, nor will I. Experience just isn't a factor with me.

My ego is far to fragile to not ask that question.

Xykon Fan, in my experience, most girls are not going to think any less of you. I would not worry were I in your situation.

[Syka]

Haha, my ego is far to fragile to ask it. ;) Nor have I asked him who they were. When I found out he kissed another girl, I did not ask who. Admittedly, when my ex cheated I did ask who it was and I'm glad I did. But in this case, all that I need to know is that he has...been intimate with others, which means before anything happens he's getting tested. But I think if I knew, it would make me more insecure. Namely, cause I'm pretty sure the number is higher than I would like.

Just by virtue of having been talking to me when my ex and I broke up, he knows I've only had one boyfriend, though, before him.

Cheers,
Syka

[Deuterium]

What do I see here? People being considerate and supportive... on the internet?!??

In response to a few of you before me; I didn't get my first kiss until I was 21, so there.

However, the main point of this post is to ask a question of my own.

I consider myself to be quite intelligent - I like to think I'm observant and can tell what's going on with people - but when it comes to relationships, I cannot tell if someone is flirting with me. I think that I may have missed countless opportunities due to this "blindness", but then again, I can't really say for sure, because it might just have been people being moderately nice to me.

Spoiler

Show

In the past, the only time I worked out the girl was flirting with me, I was flat on my back...

What do you think I should do? Look for different clues? Hang a sign around my neck?

'Tis a puzzle, for me at least...

[Dragonrider]

I have the other problem....I don't know when I'm the one flirting. Or other people think that's what I'm doing but I'm just being nice.

@^: This is Giantitp. We're not "the Internet"...we're....Giantitp.